By Rachel Gonzales

I am so very thankful for the wonderful Christian friends the Lord has brought into my life. He has been kind to grow friendships that are an integral part of His work to make me more like Him.

Recently, I used one of my “phone a friends” in a now humorous situation. But at the time it was a bit stressful. My youngest and her hair again…here’s what happened.

My two daughters and I were getting ready to leave for an appointment. We were at the “need to leave in 20 minutes” mark when my youngest, in an attempt to be helpful, came into my room and said, “Mommy, something happened.” She then turned around and revealed her matted, mangled mess of hair…with a brush handle sticking out of it. The round brush she decided to use to brush her hair was so stuck that it did not even move when she turned around. I tried to stay calm as I quickly checked my watch and evaluated the situation. I began working on the mess and realized that scissors could be in our near future. I worked on her hair for a few minutes and then realized that freedom for this brush was going to require a bold move…the bathtub.

My frustration was rising. I knew this was just a mistake, made because she wanted to be helpful. I was trying to figure out how late we would be to our activity. I was trying to imagine her with a cute, short bob as I worked to keep my voice in check. And then God nudged me to use a “phone a friend”. So I called my sweet friend and asked for prayer, knowing that just making the call was God offering me accountability for this situation.

Well, after the tub and half a bottle of conditioner later, my littlest still had most of her hair. I did find some amusement in the size of the tangle I was working on in light of another time God had used my daughter’s tangled hair to get my attention. Read about it here: 

http://www.covfel.org/pages/page.asp?page_id=52015&articleId=9285

But it was the “phone a friend” that God kept bringing me back to. The most immediate need at the time was for me to keep my cool and not to lose my patience over a mistake, over her attempt at being a helpful “big girl”. Obviously I didn’t want to have to cut her hair, but the length of her hair is not really a huge deal in the big picture of life. My reaction to life, however, is a big deal, especially to my girls. My reactions will teach them how to react. My actions do speak very boldly about what I believe about our Lord. It’s hard for the gospel to be on display when I react sinfully to life’s circumstances.

God used my “phone a friend” to help keep me in check. He used it to offer me help in exhibiting the fruit of the spirit to my daughters. I needed the accountability He offered to demonstrate patience, kindness, gentleness, and self-control. That day, accountability came through a friendship of His growing. Thank you, Lord, for the gift of friendship.

“And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works…” 
                                                                                                                   Hebrews 10:24 

By Rachel Gonzales

Editor’s note:  This a testimony about how the teaching in a Vital Life class unlocked some very important issues in a woman’s life.

I recently attended the Vital Life class titled Why Me?  A Pastoral Look at Suffering.  I went searching for one answer.  Not so much Why Me?, but simply Why?  Why had my newborn son died?

My husband and I learned half way through our first pregnancy (in 2000) that our baby was very sick with a very rare condition.  We endured test after test and our baby underwent two experimental fetal surgeries while still in the womb.  Finally we were told there was nothing more that could be done medically and that our son would die soon after he was born.  I carried him for another 3 months, praying for a miracle, yet trying to prepare for the worst.

Elijah was born on January 5, 2001.  He lived for one hour and 40 minutes.

The death of our son…well, it’s hard to put the experience into words.

Since that time I have known the closeness of God in ways that are indescribable.  At times, His presence through the grief has been amazing and powerful, almost physical.  I have also allowed grief to take me to lonely dark places.  I have seen my faith shatter into so many pieces that I, completely exhausted, quit trying to pick them all up and simply pretended to have faith instead.  I have looked at some of the darkest corners of grief and felt my Lord pull me to safety.  I have known His beautiful healing and restoration.  I have known the Lord’s love in ways that have left me breathless.  And I can honestly say that God has used Elijah’s death in ways that have allowed me to see His hope and goodness.

And while I know truth and hope for heaven, the question of Why has never been satisfied in my heart.  I have been asking God Why for a long time.  At times I have begged and implored Him to share with me, as a mom grieving over the unthinkable.  At times I have downright demanded He answer me, practically stamping my feet like a young child.  I have wondered at the possible ways God would use Elijah and his story for His glory and been hopeful.  I have been troubled at the dark possibilities of why God allowed Elijah’s life on earth to be so short and seemingly irrelevant.  I have considered that ultimately I probably can’t understand it all anyway, but I’ve still wanted God to try to explain it all to me.  I have always lived thinking that knowing Why would somehow make losing Elijah bearable.  I simply want the death of my infant son to make sense.  I came to the class hoping for the answer I’ve been waiting for, longing for, and searching for.

And God met me.

The first two classes were led by Joseph Stigora.  I thought the first class was great.  It was compassionately taught and biblically pointed to the expectation of suffering while in the world.  I left that class realizing that I was probably not going to get the specific answer I was longing for.  But I came back again the next week.

Joseph’s 2nd lesson outlined suffering as Christians and our Lord’s promises about suffering.  I left that class a bit refreshed and later reflected on the kindness of our Lord to include all this information about suffering in His Word.  I thought I was fairly well acquainted with scripture about suffering, but had never seen the fact that God had said so much in His Word as evidence of His kindness and care.

The final class, led by Rob Flood, was a look at Job.  To be honest, I have often been troubled by this book and some of the things in it.  There are two truths God revealed to me during this teaching.  One is that I would probably not be satisfied with God’s reasons even if He made it all clear and understandable to me.  The answer to one question would lead to another.  I realized that I would probably even suggest other ways God could have accomplished His purposes.  I was also struck by the realization that Job never knew why God had allowed the circumstances of his life, yet he trusted.  I realized that a lack of trust was at the heart of my question.  That realization led me to repentance and God lavished me with freedom.

I shared with my community group last week about this big revelation and that it felt like a weight had been lifted.  My sweet prophetic friend told me that she saw me being released from heavy shackles.  Yes, that is exactly what it was like.

Thank you, sweet Lord, for your beautiful patience.  Thank you for revealing this truth to me and for your forgiveness.  Thank you for growing my trust.  You are forever faithful.  Lord, thank you also for the ministry of the word through classes like Vital Life, where we can encounter life changing truth and learn to live it out in a community of friends.

If you have never experienced the applied truth in Vital Life the next Vital Life will take place from nine to noon on Saturday April 10.

By Rachel Gonzales

 

You’ve been kinda crabby lately.

 

These are the words that pierced my heart as we prepared to worship at church.  They were tender, not accusatory.  Truth had spoken to me about the condition of my heart…again.  I immediately knew these words were true, even though I felt like my attitude was justified.  I went on a review of the past couple of months.

 

I had been in a car accident a few months ago.  Thankfully, my entire family was safe and God had even used that difficulty as a chance for me to refocus.  I still have a minor lingering knee injury that has kept me away from my regular activities and workouts, and to be honest, I’ve been irritated about how slowly the healing process is going. 

 

I have been nervous and fearful about my husband’s future job prospects.  Steve is currently a full-time graduate student at Penn and still has over a year before he will be done.  He is a chemist and his industry has taken a hard hit with this current economy.  He is beginning to consider other ways to apply his degree and sometimes our future feels uncomfortably uncertain. 

 

My son would have turned nine last week.  Instead of celebrating his birthday, I remembered how much we tried to love him in the one hour and 40 minutes we spent with him.  He died in my husband’s arms the day he was born.  By God’s grace, Elijah’s birthday this year was actually a good day, but I still grieve and wonder how life would look if he were here. 

 

And let’s not even begin with how home school went last week…

 

Why have you been so crabby? 

 

Because I have been allowing circumstances to determine my attitude—it was a downhill slide from there.  I was irritated by everything that wasn’t going how I would have liked.  Everyone who wasn’t doing what I wanted pretty much annoyed me.  Grumbling and complaining followed.  Every now and then I turned to God, but I didn’t stay there.  I’ve been going off on my own, wandering here and there. 

 

Why have you been so crabby?

 

Because I have been focusing on circumstances instead of focusing on my Savior.  I haven’t been asking Him to really help me through any of these situations—I was trudging along mostly on my own.  I haven’t been continuously engaged and active with my Lord.  I have been irritated when I should remember to be thankful.  I have been judgmental when I should be aware of my own sin.  I have been fearful when I should be trusting.  I have been focusing on the past when I should be resting with my Savior. 

 

Thankfully, my Savior said Enough.  He spent the morning reminding me of how trustworthy He is.  He spent the morning reminding me of who I am in Him.  He had Kenny Lynch preach about a sinful tax collector who chose to follow Jesus and the Pharisees who thought they were spiritually safe—I easily saw myself in that message.  God spent the morning loving me.  I clearly saw my behavior as the sinful temper tantrum that it was.  I repented and felt joy in Jesus’ forgiveness. 

 

Thank you, Lord, for loving a sinner like me.

 

I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity; I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,” and you forgave the iniquity of my sin.  Psalm 32: 5

By Rachel Gonzales

 

Editor’s note:  This week’s blog is from Rachel Gonzales, one of the godly young mom’s in our midst. 

           

Does God ever speak to you in the oddest moments?  I hope you are hearing from Him—and maybe you won’t mind me sharing a time when He spoke to me.

 

My youngest daughter has curly hair.  Her loose ringlets cascade down her back and when she runs, the sun-kissed curls happily bounce.  I must confess that I love her hair and her curls fit her personality well.  Sometimes others notice her hair and have even complimented her curly locks.  And while I smile and am happy to hear such kind words, I also know the truth.

 

The truth is that when she wakes up her hair is usually in more tangles than curls.  And because she is still young, I get to help her brush her hair.  Oh, the joy of delicately untangling those golden curls.  I’d like to picture it as a sweet mother and daughter time, laughing and talking about life.  At least that’s what I’d like it to look like.    

 

Usually when it’s time to brush hair, she asks if we have to.  She then begs me to brush gently.  I obviously don’t want to hurt her, so we use a lot of detangling spray in the hopes of avoiding any meltdowns.  She is afraid it’s going to hurt.  I begin to brush, being as gentle as I can.  I remind her to look up instead of down because that seems to help.  I remind her again.  She tells me I am pulling too hard.  More spray.  I try to be gentler.  She is squirming.  My brush is stuck on a good tangle.  More spray.  She would run away except that her hair is attached to the brush and the brush is attached to my hand.  I am getting frustrated and not so nicely ask her to be still...again.  More spray.  I free the brush and begin working on the tangle with my fingers.  She almost escapes…

 

And then I hear God.  Calm down, relax, be patient, be gentle, be kind.  That tangle is like sin—your sin.  I look at the tangle and begin to see it differently.  How’d it even get there?  As I wonder, God keeps speaking. 

 

It gets there when you aren’t looking, not paying attention—just like the tangle.  The more you try to get it out yourself, the worse it gets.  You can spray and brush all you want and eventually the tangle will come undone.  But not sin—you can try to fix it all you want, but you can’t do it.  Only I can do it.

 

God helps me understand so much so quickly, I am almost overwhelmed at how He is speaking to my heart.  He is much more patient in dealing with me than I have been in dealing with my daughter’s tangled tresses.  My little one is still now—I have tears in my eyes as I use my fingers to work out that pesky tangle.  God is still speaking.

 

I personally work in your life too.  I am the one who removes your tangles and sometimes it hurts.  But I am the one working.  I get in there and work personally—I am the one who does the untangling.  I don’t get frustrated when I am working because I know there is nothing you can do—you need me to do it all.  And I do it all because I love you and you are precious.

 

The tangle is finally gone.  I hug my precious daughter and she merrily races away—beautiful curls bouncing.  And I stay seated for a bit as I process how God spoke to me.  In the frustrating moment of trying to get a stubborn tangle out of my daughter’s hair, our Lord spoke to me about my parenting and my sin.  He spoke to me about how He works and how He creates beauty out of tangled messes.  He spoke truth and I am thankful.