By Ramona Doyle

One of my sons recently completed a construction project for a school class: a soda straw and paper clip structure that would compete with those of other students to see which one could hold the most weight. Before he even started the project, I had already pointed out almost every potential mistake he might make, including his tendency to become distracted and procrastinate.

He finished his project on time. He won. He came home beaming with a $5 prize and I realized I had missed a huge opportunity. Rather than encouraging his efforts and cheering him on to do his best, I became the prophet of doom. Well not exactly, but I’m sure my admonitions weren’t very encouraging.

I am becoming increasingly aware of a subtle tendency to root my expectations for my children in things other than the Lord and his all-sufficient Word and work. How easy it is to do this… we spend each and every day with them. If we have large families, we’re surrounded! We can be so acutely aware of past experiences, disappointments and hurts, and their sinful tendencies, as well as limits to our own strength and ability to parent well, and we can allow these things to inform our expectations of them.

When we do this it affects the way we view them, and as a result the way we interact with them. We can make assumptions, have sinful judgments, self-sufficiently try to do what only God can do in them, and fail to recognize the Lord’s work in their lives and encourage them in it. This can lead to discouragement on both sides. And this doesn’t just apply to our children…we can do this with others around us—our husbands, our coworkers, and our close friends.

When we allow our experiences to inform our view of others, we are ignoring some wonderful, hope-filled truth from the Word of God. Ephesians 2 reminds us:

But God being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved—and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.

The grace that pursued me in the midst of my sin is the same grace that is at work in my children as the Lord pursues them in the midst of their sin. The grace I know as a child of God is the same grace the Lord lavishes on my children as they come to know him and learn to walk in his ways. That is real gospel hope, and clinging to it affects the way I live and the way I encourage.

Let's daily fix our eyes on the source of our hope that we might live with great expectations. For God to work in us…and work in those around us.

By Ramona Doyle

Remember the biblical account of the Exodus when Israel fled Egypt. The Lord worked great and marvelous things for them—miracles that they couldn’t miss. They witnessed the terrible plagues in Egypt, saw the Lord protect them by the blood on their doorposts when the first born were slaughtered, received favor among the Egyptians by the Lord’s hand, stood in awe as the Lord parted the waters of the sea, and felt relief as the Lord tumbled the waters upon the pursuing army. And the Lord’s visible presence was with them day and night in the cloud and pillar of fire. Yet, even with these amazing demonstrations of the Lord’s presence and power, as soon as they became uncomfortable or faced trials in the wilderness, they faltered in their trust of the Lord.

So why recount this familiar story? Because I realize that I can be very much like the Israelites. I not only have the written accounts in Scripture of the Lord’s faithful care for Israel, but also wonderful memories of all that God has done in my own life…saving me, providing for me, caring for my needs, meeting me when I call upon Him. But at times when trial knocks on my door, my first thoughts venture to the worse case scenario. This point was driven home recently when I thought that I had developed another tumor on a salivary glad (I had surgery to remove a benign tumor a few months ago). Instead of casting my care upon the Lord and lifting my prayers to him, my first thoughts were to imagine the worse. My thought patterns went something like, ”Oh no! I’ll need to clear out my schedule because I’ll probably need surgery soon. There goes our vacation…I won’t be well enough to travel by the end of the month. What if something is really wrong this time that they missed the last time?” You get the flavor. Sadly, what I had just done was to imagine my life and trial without the Lord.

How contrary to every thing I know about God to think this way! I had to ignore a mountain of scripture to allow those thoughts to invade my serenity. Psalm 16:5-6 tells us, “The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.” And verse 8 goes on to say, “I have set the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.” Our challenge in the everyday is to keep the Lord ever before our eyes. The means of grace He provides in Scripture, prayer, and fellowship are so important. When we avail ourselves of them, we peacefully reside in the middle of the Lord’s chosen boundaries for our lives and there find his presence, care, protection, and comfort, no matter our circumstances. Don’t wait for a trial!  Live each day with the Lord before your eyes, and you will not be shaken!

By Ramona Doyle

Remember that poem that starts, “I shot an arrow into the air, it fell to earth, I knew not where…”? I made a startling realization recently while reevaluating some of my priorities. Without intentional effort, I can easily live much of my life just like the archer in Longfellow’s poem, blindly shooting my energy and efforts in many directions, yet failing to hit any mark. To get to the point…when I aim at nothing, it’s easy to hit it.

But that is not how the Lord calls us to live our lives. He beckons a measure of intentionality when, in Ephesians 5:15-16, he cautions us, “Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.” The Lord kindly reminds us how important it is to focus our efforts in the various areas of our lives so that we can make wise choices and maximize our fruitfulness.

This point was driven home for me recently while taking the FPU course. We set some financial goals to guide our spending and saving. With measurable goals in mind for things like food and household items, I began to realize how much money I had previously been wasting for lack of a target. Meeting our goals required a greater measure of planning, which changed my haphazard spending habits and rekindled my excitement for cooking and serving creative meals to my family. My family is enjoying my cooking much more, and it seems we are eating better for less—much better for much less. We saw many dividends for an ounce of intentionality in the area of finances.

There are many areas of our lives where setting measurable goals and living with intentionality can pay abundant dividends: our devotional lives, our marriages, our parenting, our homemaking, our use of time, our service to the church, our care for our bodies. I find it helpful to seek the Lord, evaluate, talk with my husband, and set goals in these areas at least once a year. And the Lord, in his kindness, seems to multiply his grace so that the dividends from one area spill over into every area of my life.

Where are you aiming your energy and efforts? Perhaps it is time to target some measurable goals.

By Ramona Doyle

When my husband does family devotions, our children, especially the younger ones, have caught onto the fact that they can get lots of his questions right by shouting out the answer, “Jesus!” They may not even know the actual answer to his question, but have found by experience that the answer of “Jesus” seems to work a good percentage of the time. And so when in doubt, they will usually try that answer first! Granted, even when that answer works, they may not really understand the complexities of the point Bill is trying to make, but in their youthful zeal, they have stumbled upon a great truth with relevance to every area of our lives… “Jesus is the answer.”

How often do we find ourselves in the midst of a difficult day, a sudden trial, or with an unplanned need and instead of first looking to Jesus who is the source of all hope and help, look to our own strength and resources. I can be guilty of this. I can assume (sometimes very subtly) that because I have resolve, or because I have lots of energy, or because I have skills in certain areas… I can make it through a given situation. Then, instead of allowing my weakness to point me to the One who is the source and supply of all strength for every need and circumstance, I self-sufficiently rely on my own resources, meager as they are (and always will be!). Sadly, when I do this, I miss wonderful opportunities from the hand of my Savior to draw from the boundless resources of his mercy, kindness, strength, and joy.  I also miss seeing Jesus magnified in my eyes as I appropriate the help and care he so readily makes available.

In reality, there is nothing in our lives that doesn’t have to do with Jesus. And it has helped me in the midst of my daily situations, to make certain basic assumptions:

1. Jesus is the source. Every circumstance in my life is lovingly designed by my Savior for my good and his glory (Romans 8:28-31).

2. Jesus is at work. He promises to use every circumstance in my life to further his purposes for my life (2 Corinthians 4:16-17).

3. Jesus is the answer. When I seek him first and center my life on his ways, he promises to supply all of my needs (Matthew 6:33).

Starting with these assumptions helps me direct my hope and efforts where they rightfully belong—upon the One who is sufficient in every need and circumstance. I don’t need to understand all of the complexities of my situations to experience great hope and help from the Lord.  All I need is a humble and dependent heart that looks first to Jesus. (Right answer!)

By Ramona Doyle

As the school year winds to a close and the level of school-related activities in our family slows, my mind begins to shift to the months ahead…and my first thought? I’m ready for a vacation! How kind of the Lord to give us these months to slow down, take a break from the demands of our children’s busy school schedules, and enjoy the beauty of His creation. But if I’m not careful, my “vacation” could easily undo the very things I’ve spent all year trying to build in my children and family.

During the summer months, I can be tempted to kick back, take each day as it comes, and forget about any type of order in my home. Eager as I am for a break, I can’t take a vacation from building relationships with my children, parenting, or serving my family.

Through the years I’ve found that taking time at the beginning of the summer to plan for the summer months yields lasting fruit in the lives of my children and family. Abandoning all sense of schedule and purpose during summer days has never served us well. So I’ve tried to plan days that are purposeful, flexible, and yes—even fun, and usually include the following components:

• Time for devotions – Though my husband usually leads family devotions after dinner, helping my children take time in the morning to pray and read scripture is a valuable discipline that points their hearts and minds to what is most important and fosters dependency on the Lord.
  
  
• Time to read – My kids participate in our library’s summer reading program and I build an hour of reading into their daily morning routine.
  
  
• Time to practice – For my kids this involves practicing piano and often working on some fun language arts/math related skills or games. They enjoy the challenge and can more easily hit the ground running in the fall! “Summer activity” books are available in many drug or office supply stores this time of year.
  
  
• Time to help around the house – We involve our children in various household tasks—from keeping their rooms tidy, to helping with the family laundry, cleaning, and yard work. Left to themselves, they can so easily become self-focused and independent. This helps reinforce an “others orientation” in their hearts and builds them into our family.
  
  
• Time for fun! – It’s summer! We try to take time each day to enjoy something that shout’s “Summer!” Swimming, playing in the sprinkler with friends, going to the park, freeze pops, and making summer treats with mom have all been big hits. And once a week or so we try to do something a little bigger—maybe berry picking or a trip to the zoo.
  
  
• Time to serve – We want our children to be aware of the needs of others, and especially use the summer months to involve them in serving others…meals, yard work, or even a cheery card to encourage.

Girl Talk has an outstanding series packed with creative ideas for making good use of the summer months. It’s called “Sweet Summertime” and can be accessed HERE..

By Ramona Doyle

When I turned on my vacuum cleaner recently I noticed a strange phenomenon… the more I vacuumed, the worse the visibility in the room I was trying to clean.  Dust clouds were rising, feeding the growing suspicion that the bag just might be full.  I found more dust packed around the bag than inside the stuffed overflowing bag itself.  It literally filled a tall kitchen bag!  An hour later after I finished cleaning my cleaning equipment…

Ok, you ask…how does a veteran homemaker miss it by that much?  Well, I didn’t.  My kids (now we’re all smiling) had been doing the household cleaning for me following a surgical procedure requiring me to take it easy for several weeks and this was the first time I had vacuumed in two months.  Look at the bright side (at least it got bright once the dust settled :-) …my children faithfully cleaned my home for 8 weeks!

Lesson learned…when you involve your kids, things can get messy really fast!  Of course, I say that tongue in cheek.  But if you are like me, there can be the ongoing temptation to just “do it yourself” with regard to the home.  It’s much easier and more effective to cook, clean, do laundry and manage keeping the house running ourselves.  Our sense of accomplishment can be easily tied to what we can check off our lists, and incorporating our children into the mix just isn’t very efficient.  BUT (you knew that was coming, didn’t you!), as I’ve watched my kids grow (now 27, 21, 17, 13, and 10), I’ve learned that what is momentarily expedient may not serve long-term in light of the Lord’s ongoing call for me to train up my children.  And, I don’t want to be ruled by my desires for order and control in my home; rather, how wonderful to know the joy of fulfilling the Lord’s call for me to care for my home in a way that truly expresses the heart of God for my entire family.

As we involve our children with us in the ongoing stuff of our lives we not only create opportunity to build, deepen, and strengthen our relationships with them, but also create new contexts for the Gospel…opportunities through relationship to look the awe inspiring love of our Savior gave himself that we might be freed from our selfishness, sinful hearts to love and serve Him forever!  Our children grow in their appreciation for what it takes to keep our homes running and learn to sacrificially serve others even as our Savior took the form of a servant to care for us.  And they learn valuable skills that will serve them throughout their adult lives.

Dishes may get broken, the lawn-mower may spend time in the shop, dust storms may occasionally invade the tranquility of your day, but the kingdom of God begins to invade our family life and reap long-term fruit in the lives of our children.  “Where there are no oxen, the manger is clean, but abundant crops come by the strength of the ox” (Proverbs 14:4).

By Ramona Doyle

I consider myself to be an active person…quiet times early in the morning, brisk two mile walks for exercise, staying on top of the family needs like shopping and laundry, being actively involved with my kids’ schooling, lots of gardening, serving in ministries in the church …all worthy things from which I derive great pleasure.  But I learned some interesting lessons that surprised me recently when I went through a season of prolonged illness. 

So often I can think I am being dependent upon the Lord for my life and days, but in reality I am subtly relying on my own energy, strength, and intellect. And at the same time I am seeking the Lord’s glory, I can find a measure of identity and fulfillment in the things I do as I feed my own desire for glory. Even in my desire to serve my family or the body of Christ, I can self-sufficiently resist being served.

When we are physically unable to function at our desired capacity we can easily become impatient with the trial and tempted to discouragement. I was. But I have found that the Lord uses seasons like this—ones where we have to depend on him for things we would never have thought to be difficult.  Things like sleeping at night, energy, or help to do the most basic daily activities—to meet us in deeper ways than we could ever imagine. And in the midst of it al, certain things stand out:

• The Lord is available:  Seasons of weakness that increase our ‘neediness’ can cause us to cry out to the Lord and pray with greater fervor, and the Lord promises to draw near to us as we draw near to him (James 4:8a).
• The Lord is sufficient:  We are created in weakness, but often forget until our weakness stares us in the face. As we cast ourselves more fully on the Lord’s grace, we see him work in ways that are amazing, both to strengthen us and to provide our needs (2 Corinthians 4:7).
• The body of Christ shines:  Not one of us has all of the abilities we need to make it on our own. God didn’t make us this way; rather he gifted the body of Christ that we might care for one another to his glory and praise. Others can develop and use their gifts as we step out of familiar roles during our seasons of need. And as others care for us, our love and gratitude for the body of Christ grows, and his name is glorified in our communities.
• God’s plan for our lives is good:  His plans may be different than our plans, but he promises that his boundary lines for us have fallen in pleasant places and we can trust him for our futures, which are never question marks in his mind (Psalm 16:6, Jeremiah 29:11)!

“I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.” Psalm 121:1-2

By Ramona Doyle

We had a wonderful discussion during a recent community group meeting when we split men and women and the gals discussed how we can live out "women’s ministry" in the day to day.  This discussion was a follow-up to our January women’s ministry meeting.  As we talked, I was particularly struck by comments from a couple of the ladies who shared burdens for the Zacchaeus’s in our midst.  Remember Zacchaeus?  He was the little guy in Luke 19 who so wanted to know more about Jesus that he climbed a Sycamore tree to get a glimpse of him.  Though he was out of the Savior’s line of vision, Jesus knew he was there, walked right over to him, beckoned him out of the tree, and spent time with him.

What challenged me during our discussion was the realization of how short sighted I can sometimes be as I go through my days…getting done with my stuff, carrying out my business, checking things off my ‘to do’ list.  As busy women, wives, and mothers, we have a lot on our plates, and the urgent can sometimes override the important.  We can become so focused on our lives that we miss the Zacchaeus’s in our midst—the new folks, the lonely person sitting off in the sidelines, the folks who are struggling but not yet knit into the life of the church in a way so as to draw encouragement and help from others.

I left that discussion with fresh conviction and new resolve to ask the Lord for eyes to see the Zacchaeus’s around me.  Within just a few days I was amazed at the many opportunities the Lord provided.  At the next Sunday meeting I had a conversation with a family visiting for the baptism that was going to be held during the service.  I was able to welcome a couple who had moved to the area and was looking for a new church.  We invited the daughter of some friends who are newer to the church over, only to find that the gesture of friendship from our daughter was extra meaningful because this little gal didn’t know many other children in the church.  These stories are just one day and one person trusting the Lord for eyes to see.  What if we all asked the Lord to show us the Zacchaeus’s in our midst and purposed to reach out so that there were none left out or lonely numbered among us?

There was women’s ministry happening during that community group women’s discussion.  We were all challenged by the thoughts that were shared and made freshly aware of the Lord’s grace available in simple acts of kindness.  We were equipped to appropriate grace to change.  May the Lord so use each of us in the one-anothers of our lives as we seek to live out "women’s ministry" in the day to day.

A special thanks to Donna Gabbadon and Kathy Muir for your hearts for the Lord and for others.  These gals initiated the Zacchaeus thoughts that so deeply affected us that night.

By Ramona Doyle

Have you ever noticed how easy it is to get stuck in a rut?  I’m not talking about making boring meals or getting stuck in daily routines.  I’m talking about the familiar ways we tend to respond to those around us—our kids, our husbands, our friends, our coworkers, or a boss—when we are affected by their actions.  I can do this so easily, especially in my family.  Their same old behavior—what they do or the way they relate to me— often triggers that same old sinful response in my heart.  It happens again and again.  I can easily recognize the pattern, yet somehow, change is often elusive.

When I’m stuck in this kind of a rut, I am finding it helpful to affirm what the Gospel has purchased for me, that because of the Gospel, I am a new creation and the power of sin over me is broken; therefore it is truly possible for me to obey God when I’m confronted by the same old sins.  And because of the Gospel I have the power in Christ to fight and overcome remaining sin that can continue to wage war in my heart.  Because of the Gospel I have access to God through Christ, and Christ dwells in me by his Spirit—what a very present help when I struggle!  These Gospel truths remind me of the completeness and sufficiency of His provision for me.

Often, I find that I am way too comfortable with those same old patterns in my life.  But if I am to change, I must hate my sin.  Making specific confessions of not only my behavior, but also my sinful heart behind that behavior, and reminding myself that it was these very sins that put Jesus on the cross helps me to do this.  I have found it so easy to see my sin, shoot up a quick prayer for forgiveness, and stop there.  But I’ve stopped way too soon.  When I truly grieve over my sin, this is the place where the Cross becomes precious—where my deep need points me to and causes me to hunger for the rescuing grace of Christ and turn to Him in new and deeper ways.

The Bible details a wonderful storehouse of grace available to me each day!  I love to take time during my devotions each day to memorize scripture and meditate on God’s promises and the many ways Christ makes his grace available in my need.  This helps me in those same old kinds of moments to choose God over my sin and live for something bigger than my sinful desires.  I find I am much more familiar with my sin than with how to apply God’s grace in the midst.  But God has promised that his Word does not return to him void (Isaiah 55:11), and as I consistently hide it in my heart, by his grace I am seeing change in areas where I was previously stuck in those same old patterns of sin.  Let’s not be content to live in the same old with such a gracious Savior!

By Ramona Doyle

One of my sons recently completed a construction project for a school class: a soda straw and paper clip structure that would compete with those of other students to see which one could hold the most weight.  Before he even started the project I had already pointed out almost every potential mistake he might make, including his tendency to become distracted and procrastinate.  He finished his project on time.  He won.  He came home beaming with a $5 prize and I realized I had missed a huge opportunity.  Rather than encouraging his efforts and cheering him on to do his best, I became the prophet of doom.  Well not exactly, but I’m sure my admonitions weren’t very encouraging.

I am becoming increasingly aware of a subtle tendency to root my expectations for my children in things other than the Lord and his all-sufficient Word and work.  How easy it is to do this… we spend each and every day with them.  If we have large families, we’re surrounded!  We can be so acutely aware of past experiences, disappointments and hurts, and their sinful tendencies, as well as limits to our own strength and ability to parent well, and we can allow these things to inform our expectations of them.  When we do this it affects the way we view them, and as a result the way we interact with them.  We can make assumptions, have sinful judgments, self-sufficiently try to do what only God can do in them, and fail to recognize the Lord’s work in their lives and encourage them in it.  This can lead to discouragement on both sides.  And this doesn’t just apply to our children…we can do this with others around us—our husbands, our coworkers, and our close friends.

When we allow our experiences to inform our view of others we are ignoring some wonderful, hope-filled truth from the word of God.  Ephesians 2 reminds us,

“But God being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved—and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.”

The grace that pursued me in the midst of my sin is the same grace that is at work in my children as the Lord pursues them in the midst of their sin.  The grace I know as a child of God is the same grace the Lord lavishes on my children as they come to know him and learn to walk in his ways.  That is real Gospel hope, and clinging to it affects the way I live and the way I encourage.

Let’s daily fix our eyes on the source of our hope that we might live with great expectations.

By Ramona Doyle

We buy milk, eggs, and bread before a winter snow storm.  We keep candles in a drawer to be prepared for a power outage.  We stockpile wood all summer to supplement our winter heating costs and provide cozy winter fires.  We have savings for times of emergency.  But in our physical preparations for very real needs, we can sometimes neglect to build an arsenal that will serve us by fueling our hearts with faith during times of trial.  In a time of trial, the physical challenges are hard—no question, but the state of our hearts and souls can make it nothing short of overwhelming.

When I go through a trial, my greatest challenge is the battle to draw peace and security from the Lord.  This is often accompanied by the realization that I have rooted my security and sense of well being in something other than the Lord…usually my own strength and abilities or in my circumstances.  Things have been going well and I feel great.  I think I am prepared for the future, then something happens and I am caught off guard and unprepared.  Circumstances can change, sometimes very quickly, and my own strength is suddenly woefully inadequate.  It actually has been all along, but if I’ve rooted my security there, I will often fail to see it!

I have found that the battle to walk securely in these seasons can be won or lost by where I daily (and minute by minute!) choose to fix my eyes.  Do I spend countless hours looking at my trial and all the ugly possibilities, weighing and sorting them over and over in my mind?  Or, do I set my gaze on the Lord who is the only unchanging source of hope and help who has promised he will never leave or forsake me?  Where I fix my eyes will ultimately fill my heart…either with fear and striving or with confidence and peace during uncertain times.  And my best preparation for times of trial is developing habits now that will serve me then…habits of looking to the Lord and his Word for daily life-giving sustenance.

Prayer and God’s Word are priceless, ageless reservoirs that the Lord has given us to fuel our hearts with faith and fortify our souls with confidence for times of difficulty.  Scripture tells us that as we lift our requests before the Lord—as we place our burdens in his capable hands—we will know an abiding peace that will guard our hearts and minds (Philippians 4:6-7).  And Scripture is filled with promises of the Lord’s care for those he has redeemed.  It is in Scripture that we are reminded, “And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19).  In our frailty and forgetfulness, we need to gather this kind of manna each and every day.

Let us be like the ant who gathers his food in the summer, and store up priceless treasures by daily drawing deeply from the Lord’s limitless storehouse.  What an arsenal is right there for us!

By Ramona Doyle

Did you know that the Lord wants us to have joy?  In fact, he specifically addressed his disciples on this very topic!  OK…cool.  But how does that relate to my Monday mornings and my sleepless nights, or the stacks of unfolded laundry in the hall?  How does Sunday morning translate into my busy week?  How do I find joy in the trenches of my life?

In the Gospel of John, shortly before his betrayal and arrest, Jesus gathers his disciples and spends some significant time teaching them on a variety of topics.  It is as if he wants to make sure they really get the important stuff before he goes to the cross.  He’s preparing them to stand strong and draw from him in the midst of a chaotic world that opposes everything they hold dear.  And joy is one of his themes!  “These things I have spoken to you that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full” (John 15:11).  Jesus not only wanted them to have joy, but to have it in fullness!  And he wasn’t just talking about that wonderful day when we will rest in his arms free from sin and suffering; he was talking about the trenches—the everyday stuff of their lives.

So this begs the question, what things did he speak to the disciples that they might find joy?  I love to ask these kinds of questions when I dig into God’s word.  Notice that his comment follows that well-known passage from John 15 on abiding in the vine—walking in close relationship with the Lord by responding to his lavish love with trust and obedience to his commandments.  Jesus promises this is the key to knowing joy in the every day.

Abiding.  I don’t know about you, but I can be pretty good at abiding in myself.  Think about it…you get up in the morning and walk to the bathroom mirror, and what do you see?  OK, don’t answer that.  Then you go downstairs and what is the first thing you see?  If you’re like me, it’s often everything you didn’t get done the day before.  Everything screams for your attention.  Your kids need you.  You get wrapped up in the duties of the day and by the end of the day you’re treading water waiting for a life-preserver to float by.

Yes, we need a devotional time each day to draw strength from the Lord’s abundant grace.  But abiding is also about the nitty-gritty of the day.  I find that I am helped in the trenches by small minute by minute choices look past what my physical eyes see and remember some priceless truths about my day…things like: this day has already been recorded in the Lord’s book (Psalm 139:16), that God is with me and acquainted with this circumstance (Psalm 139:1-3), that he will be strength in my weakness (2 Corinthians 4:7), and guide me in the midst (Psalm 73:23-24).  Then I choose to trust him over my temptation to pout, react, or operate in self-sufficiency.

We won’t always get it right, but as we seek to abide in those little minutes, he promises joy.  May the Lord help us to say with the psalmist, “For you, O Lord, have made me glad by your work; at the works of your hands I sing for Joy” (Psalm 92:4).

By Ramona Doyle

 

Ever notice how easily the definition of “Mom, we’re out of food!” can change from person to person in your family?  Seemingly for each one, if a certain grocery item is absent then the pantry must be bare and starvation must be just around the corner.  For one child it’s OJ (it’s just not breakfast without OJ!) and for another it’s E. L. Fudge cookies.  I’ve even got one for which it is fresh broccoli—a rare breed, but don’t you love it!  My husband and I often chuckle at the comments we get over the “food thing” in our home, and balancing the wants, desires, needs, and grocery budget for our family can pose some interesting challenges.

 

But differences in personal grocery lists point to something more significant.  All of our children are different.  Their personalities differ.  Their strengths and weaknesses differ.  Their hopes and aspirations differ.  They each attach differing meanings to the situations of their lives.  Parenting in the midst of these differences can be daunting.  Competing desires and interests in our children can easily tempt us to parent on the fly—to satisfy the urgent needs of the moment and forget about the important.

 

Bill and I have seen the need for great caution as we seek to guide and direct our children’s hearts.  We want their lives—every part of them—to be informed and transformed by the power of the Gospel.  And so we need to visit and revisit our parenting standards often.  Without guiding principles in our parenting, we could easily miss instilling some of the most important and basic lessons and values our children need.

 

These are some of the considerations my husband and I hold foremost.  No matter what differing goals we have for each child in a given season, these standards inform them all:

 

1. Keep the Gospel first:  Every day affords new opportunities to highlight the wonder of God’s saving love for us in Christ.  Only in the Gospel will our children find salvation and power for true change.  Our kids need to hear it daily if they are to grow to define their lives by it.

 

2. Emphasize character:  Our children can easily be distracted by the latest cultural fads—things like clothing styles, music preferences, past-times, and patterns of communication.  They must know that character is ALWAYS more important than being cool.  And Godly character will inform and define their choices in this area as they grow in their love for the Lord and knowledge of his word.

 

3. Never let them doubt our love:  How easily we can be tempted to anger when dealing with our children’s hearts.  We want our children to be more aware of our love for them than our dissatisfaction over the state of their hearts.  Their first introduction to the Lord’s extravagant love for us is through our expression of love for them.  If our children are not aware of our affection, we may be missing something big!

God’s word is powerful (2 Timothy 3:16), and as we allow it to define our parenting, we can trust in his faithful work in the hearts of our children.

By Ramona Doyle

Editor’s Note:  As we turn our attention to the new year the temptation is to focus on fresh starts, immediate change, new goals, great plans.  But this vision, if done simply because the calendar has turned, won’t produce sustainable change, and can become a great burden in a short amount of time.  Ramona’s blog below is a great reminder where to place our focus when we face the new seasons of life.    

I don’t like to wait. Recently, while in a crowded office waiting for a doctor’s appointment, I began to half-heartedly read to my children. As I read, my thoughts drifted to everything I wasn’t getting done because I had to wait. But one of my children, noting the back-up in appointments, commented, “Gee, Mom, isn’t it great we get all this extra time to read together?”

What a different perspective! In reflecting on my attitude I realized how much time I can spend waiting impatiently for a different set of circumstances. I can do it in the day to day moments of my life, like in that crowded doctor’s office, or in the seasons of my life. I remember being a student longing for the day there were no more studies and exams. “Everything will be better then,” I reasoned. Sound familiar? We can do this in so many ways—we long for a trial to end, or for a husband, or for the time we can quit work and stay home with children, or for the day our tots are no longer in diapers, or for an end to the difficult teen years.

There is nothing wrong with God-soaked, faith-filled anticipation for what the Lord will do in the various seasons of our lives, but how often do we respond impatiently to a season of waiting and, like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, run off chasing rainbows. We long for a different set of circumstances instead of appropriating what the Lord has for us here and now. And we can so easily miss out on the wonderful blessings, the lessons, and good works that the Lord has prepared for this day or season of our lives. The psalmist declared with confidence, “The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.” (Psalm 16:5-6) He was content in his season and circumstances because of his abiding trust in the Lord’s care and purposes in the midst. He trusted in the Lord’s unfailing mercies, unchanging goodness, and ever-sustaining grace and found contentment where the Lord had placed him.

It helps me to remember that contentment is both a matter of faith and a posturing of my heart. We can grow in contentment: We can daily feed our hearts and minds with the Word of God and allow his precious promises to fuel our faith with truth—that He is with us and active in every season and circumstance of our lives. We can pray for eyes to recognize the Lord’s activity in our daily circumstances. And we can practice thankfulness for the many blessings the Lord has provided in the midst of our circumstances; a thankful heart seldom grumbles.

The psalmist said it so well, “This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.” (Psalm 118:24)

By Ramona Doyle

 

I like the beach.  My husband likes the mountains.  I thrive on order.  My husband has an incredible ability function well in the midst of chaos.  On a marriage retreat many years ago we competed with the other couples to see who could list the most differences between us.  We listed 261 differences.  We won.  Even if you and your husband have similar personalities, you don’t need 261 differences or to be married very long to figure out that you are two very different people, and those differences can either challenge the unity in our marriages or they can serve as tools in the hand of the Lord to sanctify us and deepen our oneness.

 

Earlier in our marriage there were times that the differences between us threatened me.  There were even times when I tried to make my husband be just like me (that’s a scary thought!).  Hint…don’t try that :-).  Through the years the Lord has faithfully worked in my heart to teach me that he has a wonderful plan for these differences.  My marriage to my husband, with all of our differences, was by his design and is intended for his glory.  Learning to view our differences in light of scripture has helped me anticipate the Lord’s activity in them, strengthened our marriage, and added to my joy in our relationship.

 

Here are some of the things I’ve learned to expect the Lord to do in the midst of our differences…

 

• “Iron sharpens iron” (Proverbs 27:17):  How kind of the Lord to help me in my sin and weakness with the insight and counsel of my husband.  And in his struggles I can do the same for him.  We sharpen one another in our faith, help each other in our battle with sin, and help equip one another to love and treasure Christ all the more.

 

• “A threefold cord is not quickly broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12):  God made me in weakness in order to point to his sufficiency, and in my husband’s leadership he provides a wonderful covering.  As I draw from them both, I am strengthened!  Not only this, chances are you and your husband’s strengths and weaknesses are in different areas…your strengths help him in his weakness just as his lift you up in the midst of yours.

 

• “It refers to Christ and the church” (Ephesians 5:31-32):  My thoughts about my marriage can so often be “me-centered” but the Lord has made my marriage to be “God-centered” … a reflection of Christ’s relationship to the church!  Because of this I know that God is invested in cultivating the same sacrificial, gracious love in us that he has for us.  God is at work…that’s real hope!  Together we mirror something we could not on our own.  Our differences, as we submit them to his gracious work in us, reflect something marvelous about Him and testify of His glory to the world.

 

No matter how different we are from our husbands…what marvelous hope and help we can draw from the Lord’s magnificent plan for our marriages!

By Ramona Doyle

 

Our family lived in inner city Philadelphia for many years before moving to West Chester, a very different setting from the suburban—bordering on rural—area where we now live.  By necessity, we shared our lives with other Christian families who lived close by.  Parking was always at a premium, so we carpooled to church events and even shared trips to the supermarket.  It was hardly worth the purchase of a lawn mower to clip our postage stamp yard, so we shared our yard equipment: one family owned the mower, another, the weed-whacker, and another, the fertilizer spreader.  When I walked to the neighborhood store, I took a friend for safety reasons.  For lack of safe parks and big yards, we organized play groups so that our children could play safely in one another’s homes.  If I couldn’t find a parking place in front of our house late at night, I would park in front of a friend’s house and they would walk me home.  Because many of us owned homes with 3^rd floor apartments, we often shared weekly meals with the Christian singles or families who rented them.

 

Though we had a vision for Christian community it was often the practicalities of living in the city that brought us together.  But time spent serving one another in shared need fostered a desire to share our lives all the more!  And as a result, our relationships were significantly deepened, the hope of the Gospel burned deeply and in our hearts, and our witness in our neighborhood was strong.

 

Our circumstances are different now: we need a car for almost everything.  There is ample parking everywhere and I can safely park in my own driveway anytime.  Without our own yard equipment we’d be living in the equivalent of the Amazon Rain Forest!  The culture around us screams self-sufficiency and individualism.  As a result, we don’t always feel the need to share our lives as much as we did in the city, but the need, from a biblical standpoint, is every bit as real.  So my husband and I have realized that we have to plan to make community happen.  It’s not always the most convenient choice, but it always pays wonderful dividends.

 

We’ve been greatly strengthened and encouraged by biblical fellowship from regularly sharing meals with our Christian brothers and sisters.  As I’ve worked to mortify the pride that whispers that my home needs to be perfect to have someone over, we’ve been able take advantage of spontaneous opportunities for hospitality.  We’ve never been turned down when we’ve offered to pick up friends to drive together to a meeting.  We’re trying to use 5^th Tuesdays when community groups do not meet as opportunities to spend time with folks from the group, and if a meeting is canceled, we try to fill the evening with hospitality.  Sundays are great days to invite guests!  We also look for ways to involve unbelieving friends or coworkers in some of the things we do.  And as we spend time with folks, we become more aware of needs and opportunities to serve them.

 

As we’ve poured over our calendar and set aside time for people, it is our prayer that this is increasingly our experience, “…And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all the people.  And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved.”  Acts 2:45-47.

By Ramona Doyle

I love encouragement. I’m sure you do, too. I can’t think of anyone who doesn’t love encouragement. When I am specifically encouraged by a friend, I find my burdens lightened, my hope brightened, and my heart motivated in the area in which I’ve been encouraged. This is not surprising; Proverbs 25:11 tells us, “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.” Encouraging words are like salve for our souls.

As much as I love to be encouraged, however, I find that I don’t regularly give what I delight to receive. My husband needs encouragement, too. He labors long hours to provide for our family, he carries the mantel of leading our family, and he cares for our hearts and souls. He bears much responsibility and wears so many hats…husband, daddy, co-worker, friend, fellow-servant, wiper of tears, and fixer of everything broken.

The Lord calls us to excel in this wonderful task, and so be used by him as he accomplishes his ongoing Gospel work in our lives: “For God has not destined us for wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for us so that whether we are awake or asleep we might live with him. Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.” (1 Thessalonians 5:9-11) So let us encourage!

Here are some suggestions…

~   Abide in the Lord and daily drink deeply of His love:  I find that when I have basked in the Lord’s ever-faithful, extravagant love, my heart becomes full and expressing loving encouragements to my husband flows much more naturally. I am also less likely to try to draw from him what only the Lord can supply.

~   Pray for your husband:  Lift his burdens before the Lord. If you don’t know his burdens…draw him out. You will be surprised at how simply doing so will encourage him and knit your hearts together. Add prayer to that, and you’ve lifted his needs into very capable hands.

~   Thank the Lord for your husband:  Think of the ways your husband serves you and your family…of the ways he is a blessing in your life. Be specific. Thankful hearts easily encourage and seldom grumble and complain. Don’t forget to let him know specific ways that you are thankful for him.

~   Purpose each day to point out where you see the Lord at work in his life.  Ask the Lord to give you eyes to see even the little things. God is at work; encouraging this in specific ways will lift your husband’s soul.

~   Point your husband to the Lord:  When he is discouraged, encourage his heart with promises from Scripture. God’s Word is powerful and the Lord delights to work through it.

Let’s make encouraging our husbands a daily habit… the Lord is glorified, his work in our husbands, our lives, and our marriages is furthered, and we reap the fruit of deepening trust, joy, and passion in our relationships.

By Ramona Doyle

Establishing a devotional habit…

If you are like me, it can sometimes feel like we live in Romans 7, “For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh.  For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out.  For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.”  (Verses 19-20)  These verses provide all the more evidence that we need the Lord!  But, sadly, they can also describe the experience we have as we seek to set aside time to daily meet with him.

Though it can sometimes seem like our greatest daily challenge, establishing a fruitful devotional life is critical for the spiritual food and drink we need each day to live and walk in the hope of the Gospel.  You probably have many strategies that have helped you through the years …these are a few that have worked for me.

1.     Assume that God is for you: Don’t let condemnation over past failures keep you from meeting with him.  In Romans 8:1 Paul informs us, “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”  He fulfilled God’s righteous law and now dwells within us that we might walk not according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit, desiring the things of God.  And he promises help in our weakness (Romans 8:26)!

2.     Plan for success:  I find it helpful to develop habits that support my desire to have time with the Lord.  When I needed to supervise very young children, it worked better for me to get up before them in the morning—hence, an earlier bedtime at night.  In seasons of distraction, making a list of pressing needs before meeting with the Lord can help get them “off your mind” during your quiet time.  It also provides a wonderful list to guide your prayers to draw help from the Lord!

3.     Find a quiet place:  If everyone in your house has to walk through your chosen room on the way to the bathroom or kitchen, it’s probably not a great choice of locations.  Find a spot that will minimize interruptions and serve you as you seek to meet with the Lord…a basement room?  An unused guest room?

4.     Train your children to respect your time:  What a wonderful opportunity for your children to learn god-centered priorities as they see how important time with the Lord is to Mom.  Perhaps the children can practice piano, do their chores, or have a quiet play time while you steal away.  Explain the difference between an acceptable interruption and an unnecessary one and enlist their help to make your time successful!

5.     Have a plan B:  Life happens!  Days can be unpredictable.  If something interferes with your plans, try to grab the next available time…perhaps a nap time or during “daddy time” in the evening.  Even 10 minutes is better than no time at all!

Remember that the Lord is even more eager to meet with us than we with him.  We can count on his grace as we seek to establish a devotional habit!

By Ramona Doyle

Most of us would never think of baking a cake without a recipe. Nor would our husbands tackle a major building project without a blueprint. Yet we are often comfortable with a haphazard approach to the most important area of our lives—our daily walk with the Lord.  Without the right motivation and a plan in place, our devotional times can easily fall victim to the daily stuff of our lives...a busy day, a late night, an unexpected interruption.

Scripture tells us we are like jars of clay—frail and weak. Let’s face it, we are a needy bunch; but that is not a bad thing. God intentionally made us this way in order to show us our need of him (2 Corinthians 4:7). We simply don’t have what we need in ourselves to live in the hope of the gospel each day. We need grace daily. We need strength daily. We need the gospel daily. And that is why we need a daily quiet time.

I find that how I think about my daily devotions is an important factor in my faithfulness to them. When I think of my quiet time as something I need to “get done with,” it takes its place among the other items on my to-do list that need to be checked off. I may get to it, I may not. When I don’t, it can become like a monkey on my back…I know I should “do it” but my guilt can make it harder for me to make the time.  I find it more helpful to think of my daily devotions not as an end in themselves, but as a means to cultivate a vital relationship with my Savior—a tool that the Lord has provided to draw me closer to him. When I think about it this way, my devotions become the greatest privilege and biggest opportunity of my day. And it’s much easier to make time for something I view this way.

Think about what changes in daily communion with the Lord: We experience God’s power in our daily need and are transformed as we behold his glory. We see the Lord’s loving heart behind his commandments and find all we need for life and godliness. We experience freedom from the power of sin and learn to rest in Christ’s righteousness. We grow in affection for fellow Christians and passion for the church for which Christ died.

We grow in love for others and develop a heart for the lost. We cultivate humility and obedience borne of love. We are liberated form self-love as our sin is exposed and dealt with. We gain perspective in trials and grow in prayer. We learn to walk in the good works God has prepared and to daily die to ourselves. We experience genuine hope and true joy. We grow in gratefulness and yearn for His glory.

Our focus shifts from God’s gifts to the Giver of those gifts. And we become bold for the sake of the gospel. This is a win-win proposition.

God has promised to draw near to us as we draw near to him (James 4:8), so let’s make time to meet with him.  Next week, I’ll offer some practical steps to get a devotional time up and running.  

 

By Ramona Doyle

“This is war!”  The battle-cry pierced the early morning stillness.  If anyone was still sleeping, they certainly weren’t any more.  The conflict?  …Not what you might think!  This was another battle in our family war against the onslaught of stink bugs that have steadily invaded our home since we unknowingly imported them into our house several months ago in an innocuous box of Christmas decorations.  Thanks to one of my eagle-eyed sons, the 1,000th stink bug had just succumbed to the fight.  Well…maybe not the 1,000th…but it sure seemed that way!

It’s hard to miss these crafty little infiltrators…every time we turn around one seems to be staring us in the face!  But there are other infiltrators in our home that can be much less obvious, and before we know it we can find ourselves loosing a battle we never knew we were fighting.  Our family’s biggest battle, perhaps, is the battle for time—the time we have together can so easily fall victim to the legions of activities that all vie for attention.  Without careful attention and planning, they can infiltrate and devour most of our waking minutes.

We want our children to grow to love the Lord and his ways.  We want our family culture to impact our children more strongly than the culture of the world.  And we want our children to be prepared to stand in a world that is increasingly hostile to much of what we hold dear as believers.  Fortifying our children’s hearts with truth and wisdom, pointing them to our glorious Savior, and building a strong and vibrant family culture all require intentionality and time.

I’ve found that as a wife and mother I can play a unique roll in helping my husband in this area.  I can not only help my husband make time; I can help him make it count.  I can help create an atmosphere and tone to our family life that makes our home an oasis where our kids delight to spend time.  Here are some strategies I’ve found helpful:
 
1.      Regularly evaluate family priorities with your husband.

2.      Be an encourager…regularly highlight God’s activity in the lives of each family member.

3.      Pray for your children and be alert for opportunities to bring the Gospel into the situations of their lives.

4.      Prioritize relationships over the need to “get things done” as you care for your family.

5.      Seek creative ways to make the mundane special.  One night when I forgot to defrost meat for dinner and made eggs & pancakes instead, I called it “second breakfast” (hobbit style!) and it was such a hit that it has become a regular anticipated tradition in our home!

6.      Involve your children in helping plan & prepare for some of your family nights.  They will be instantly invested in the time.

And don’t forget to enjoy your children—they are a gift from the Lord!  “…Children are a heritage from the Lord…blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!”  (Psalm 127:3-5)

 

By Ramona Doyle

I heard a humorous story recently that went something like this… …A prominent southern family hired a biographer to research and record their family history for posterity.  In the course of his investigations, the biographer went back to the family and expressed hesitancy to complete the work.  He had uncovered a “skeleton” in the family tree and feared the family would not want it exposed.  After sharing his findings, he was told to go ahead and complete the biographical piece.  He was given specific instruction regarding the distant relative who had scandalously embezzled funds from his firm, cheated on his income tax, and murdered someone to cover his deeds, ultimately resulting in a lengthy imprisonment and execution by electric chair.  The writer was asked to use his gift for weaving words so that the work could be completed without tarnishing the family record.  When it came to the relative’s byline in the book, the biographer wrote, “…he held the seat of applied electronics at the county’s most prominent institution.  He was bound to the position with the firmest of bonds and his death came as a great shock.” J

Words. They are very important.  It is easy to laugh at the discrepancy between truth and tale in the above story, but how often do we do the same thing??  Our words are powerful, telling, and never neutral.  Jesus tells us in Matthew 12:34, “…out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.”  What we say is an indicator of what is going on in our hearts.

 

I’m guilty!  My sentences have exposed my heart and I’ve been sentenced by my words so many times.  I can be tempted to craft words to minimize impulsive spending at the grocery store or mall.  I can be tempted to retell a story to make myself look better than what really happened.  Or I can be tempted to call attention to my accomplishments in conversation.  And these words reveal pride, fear of man, and self righteousness in my heart.  And when words don’t reflect reality, Scripture calls them a lie.  Ouch!

 

Words like these reflect a selfish orientation rather than a Godward orientation in our hearts. But thankfully, the Lord does not leave us without instruction with regard to our words.  We can grow in honoring him in this area by being diligent to abide in the Lord that we might bear good fruit (John 15), slow to speak (James 1:19), careful to weigh our words (Proverbs 10:19), and quick to confess our sin (1 John 1:9).  And we can rest in the assurance that he gives grace to the humble as we seek to please him (James 4:6).  May our prayers and hearts mirror those of the psalmist who writes, “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.”  (Psalm 19:14)

By Ramona Doyle

What!  Forget one of our children?  Never!  

Well, maybe not…  All my children are different.  Some have required more input, discipline, correction, and time than others.  I’m thinking of the one of whom my husband and I would often joke, “If we can just keep him alive until he’s five…!”  But we’ve learned from experience that there can be some inherent problems when you have a challenging child in your home.  This child gets a lot of attention.  He hears the Gospel in the course of parenting many times a day.  He has lots of “heart talks” with Mom and Dad.  And Mom and Dad wear out the knees of their pants in prayer lifting him before the throne of grace for mercy and grace in time of need.  And the need is frequent!

Then there is the obedient child…the one who is usually in the right place at the right time.  This one is typically respectful, he doesn’t often make waves with his siblings, and you can tell he usually tries to do the right thing.  When we look back, we’ve realized how easy it is to “forget” the obedient child.  It’s easy to make assumptions about what is going on in his heart and not invest the same time and prayer into parenting him.  So he doesn’t get as much attention or have the frequent heart talks with Mom and Dad, and he doesn’t hear the Gospel in the course of parenting many times a day.  But though he doesn’t require the frequent correction of his sibling, he is every much in need of the Gospel as his counterpart.  Down the road the obedient child could easily drift for lack of Gospel restraint in his heart.

As we have labored to better parent our growing family and trusted the Lord to “work all things for our good” (Romans 8:28) in the midst of our parenting mistakes and weaknesses, we’ve sought to do implement parenting strategies that direct our focus to all of our children’s hearts.  We’ve learned to not make assumptions based on the outward behavior of our children and to regularly evaluate our parenting goals for each one.  We try to pray daily for each child, asking the Lord to protect them, guard their hearts, and continue his perfect work in each one.  My husband uses our family devotions each day not only as an opportunity to meet the Lord together, but also to draw out our children and listen to their responses to his questions.  And we seek opportunities for one-on-one time with each child, allowing opportunity to build strong relationships and specifically invest in each one.

And if you have a forgotten child, take heart.  The Lord is actively working in his life and never forgets: “Can a woman forget her nursing child … Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you.  Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are continually before me.  Isaiah 49:15-16 

By Ramona Doyle

 

We ladies aren’t usually the ones who watch combat movies. We’re not typically up on the history of the major battles in world history or the newest line of paint ball gear. But I’ve realized over the years how quickly I can enter into the battle when it comes to parenting my children. I want peace and order in my home. I want the best for my children. I want them to succeed in their fight for faith and be fruitful as they grow up and increasingly take on roles of responsibility in the church.

 

Enter Sergeant Mom. I once heard a friend use that analogy and it fits. Sometimes I want good things for my children and family so much that I am willing to sin to get it. My children are disobedient for the 10^th time in a day…no one has remembered their chores…I’ve settled one too many conflicts between the two that never quite seem to get along. And so I lay down the law. Well, more like a dictatorship. And you know something…it gets results. But these results aren’t the stuff of eternal value and long term fruit. These demands may whip my army into shape and get them to do exactly what I want on the spot, but miss the Gospel and the deep satisfying work of our Savior in the hearts of my children.

 

When we allow our view of God to become small, we can self-sufficiently seek to accomplish what only he can do. Rather than coming alongside our children with life giving hope of the Gospel and pointing them to a loving Savior who died for them to give them an eternal future and hope, we bark commands to gain order in the ranks. This tendency toward the boot camp approach to parenting (I’m guessing we’ve all been there!) reminds us that we must daily fix our eyes on our Savior who is at work in the lives and hearts of our children and family, sufficient in every need and situation with strength and power available in our weakness, and mercy and grace that are as free and available to us as the air we breath..  

 

When we daily pursue the presence of our magnificent God in his Word and in prayer, he is magnified in our eyes—our gaze is filled with the wonder of all he is and all he has made available to us. Paul Tripp captured this so well in this quote from his book, A Quest for More: “When Christ is my hope, he becomes the one thing in which I have confidence. I act on his wisdom and bank on his grace. I trust his promises and I rely on his presence. And I pursue all the good things that he has promised me simply because I trust him. So, I am not manipulating, controlling, or threatening my way through life to get what I want, because I have found what I want in Christ. He is my hope.”

 

Christ is our hope in parenting. Let’s lay down our arms and trust in Him!

By Ramona Doyle

 

I walk regularly for exercise.  On a recent vacation when I realized that I had forgotten my walking shoes, I used a pair of ‘trekking sandals’ in their place.  The open sides even seemed to add an advantage: when a tiny pebble became lodged in one of the heels during a walk, I assumed it would work itself free and ignored it.  I learned a huge lesson that day…one small pebble can cause one huge blister!

 

Sadly, this lesson had an all too familiar feel to it…you see, small pebbles are not the only things that can cause big problems.  I had a season of not being able to sleep.  It started when my husband got a sinus infection that left him with a tendency to snore, waking me up several times throughout the night.  Occasionally, I had difficulty getting back to sleep.  Then I started laying awake worrying about whether I would get enough sleep on a given night.  With less sleep, my daytime activities seemed harder.  Then, as I contemplated my age and remembered the difficulty my mother experienced with sleep in the latter season of her life, I started wondering if this was to be course of my remaining years.  Translation: fretting led to fear, which led to anxiety, which yielded the fruit of discouragement and robbed me of my joy.  And my discouragement subtly seeped into other areas of my life.

 

I had allowed a small situation to grow out of proportion by not taking immediate steps to appropriate grace and ask the Lord for help.  We can do this in so many ways: a small worry becomes a big fear; a little sin becomes a huge stumbling block; a tiny concern becomes an overwhelming anxiety.  A few small steps away from grace and before we know it we can functionally live as if we have no hope.  We can forget to stand on the priceless truths of Scripture that remind us that the Lord hears the prayer of the righteous (Proverbs 15:29) and is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble (Psalm 46:1), then in self-sufficiency seek to overcome our own problems or sin.  The Lord is willing and available, but our own strength is woefully inadequate!  It’s like crawling through a desert on our hands and knees gasping for water while failing to notice we are crawling around the edge of an oasis!  I praise God for his abundant grace that woke me up (pun intended!) to see his provision in the midst of my need.  I found peace as I prayed, meditated on His word, and asked others for prayer and counsel.  And the Lord later healed my husband’s snoring problem!  Psalm 25:10 says, “All the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness...”  May this motivate us to take quick steps to appropriate His abundant grace for every need.

By Ramona Doyle

While leafing through pictures recently for a calendar we were having made, I came across a favorite of our family standing at the rim of the Grand Canyon.  Though a couple years have passed, I’ll never forget what it felt like to stand that close to the edge while a friendly passer-by recorded the memory with our camera.  I was dizzy, my knees were weak, and we were in awe of the grandeur.  Everything about that place was bigger than us.

Even though an experience like this can evoke a sudden and dramatic sense of how small we are in the scheme of things, if you think about it, we don’t need to live very long to realize that most of our life is bigger than us, as well.  If you, like me are seeing the end of summer coming and a new school year starting, you know how big the start of the school year can feel.  And this can be a recipe for worry and discouragement.  

But there is good news!  You see, we are small, and we are weak, but that is not a bad thing.  In fact, God made us this way in order to point us to Himself—to highlight and magnify His sufficiency, provision, and strength!  2 Corinthians 4:7 tells us, “But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us.” Our loving Heavenly Father who knows the ‘big stuff’ we are facing and “little stuff” we are made of; yet He meets us in the midst with His mercy and grace.  We can cast ourselves on the One who is sufficient and draw from his abundant storehouse. 

What a privilege!  How our lives would be different if we truly lived this way…  In our sin, confessing to the One who is faithful to forgive and cleanse (1 John 1:9); when enticed by temptations, going with boldness to the throne of grace to find mercy and help in time of need (Hebrews 4:16); when struggling with doubt, calling upon the One whose plans are for our welfare to give us a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11); in our weakness, casting ourselves upon the One who daily renews our strength (Isaiah 40:31); in our trials, drawing from the One whose mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:23); in our uncertainties, seeking the One who has already recorded each and every one of our days (Psalm 139:16) and has promised to keep our going out and coming in from this time forth and forevermore (Psalm 121:5)!

What a BIG, magnificent God we serve!

By Ramona Doyle

 

It’s wonderful to see children inspired by the gospel.  To see them join in the mission of the Great Commission.  That is…until it makes you really uncomfortable. 

 

Recently, in Promise Kingdom, the children had a lesson from Luke 5:1-8…where Jesus called his first disciples to join him in his mission to save the lost and become “fishers of men.” Our eight-year-old daughter was inspired!

 

The very next day in a crowded doctor’s waiting room she approached a little girl about five years old and asked, “Are you a Christian?” The girl, connecting the question to the darker skin tones of our daughter and her brother whom we adopted from Latin America, responded with a huge smile, “No, I’m Chinese.” At that point, my daughter did what any young child who had just gotten herself in over her head might do…she asked her twelve-year-old brother to take over! He shared the Gospel…and did a pretty good job!

 

Looking back, I’m saddened by my actions that day. What a wonderful response my children had to what they had learned from the Word of God…and what a faith-filled step they took. But my first response was to look around to see who was watching and whether anyone felt uncomfortable. The little girl left the conversation to continue playing and we left for home with no further ado.

 

As we left, I was aware that I had missed a huge opportunity to live what my children were learning. I could have introduced myself to the girl’s parents and started a conversation. We already shared a common bond of adoption. Perhaps our “chance” encounter would have blossomed into a relationship that would give future opportunity for the Gospel.

 

As Jesus disciples, we are a part of a bigger mission. But all too often we get caught up in the business of our lives rather than looking for opportunities to testify to the hope we have within.  But the Gospel is for every day and should have the most prominent place in our lives. And our children, who are watching our every move, can learn and grow in their understanding of the Gospel as they see it lived out in the every day of our lives.

 

Though the mission is a big one…it is also a simple one.  So simple, that children can catch a vision for it, and even join it.  We are the ones who complicate it.  We distort its simplicity with high thoughts of public sensitivity and a desire not to offend.  Yet, when I boil off my fancy terms, I’m left with my fear of man.

 

How do I escape that?  How do I join in on this big and simple mission?  Among other things, Isaiah 11:6 prophecies that “a little child will lead them.”  Though I’m certain it was not referring to our recent doctor’s office visit, it seems to fit.  Faith like a child…who is inspired to be a fisher of men.

 

May the Gospel bear good fruit in the everyday situations of our lives!

By Ramona Doyle

With the recent media blitz surrounding the death of Michael Jackson, one of our country’s most famous pop stars, my husband and I found it interesting to note what folks were saying about him. Words and phrases like ‘legendary’, ‘superstar’, and ‘larger than life’ were liberally pasted across front pages of papers and magazines around the world and TV stations put regular programming on hold to cover the events of his life and death. Yes, this was a talented man. And yes, he had a large following and his fame spanned the generations. But though he loomed large in the world, we have the responsibility to discern who should loom large in the eyes and minds of our children and families.

Our country makes much of its entertainers and athletes. All the information one would ever want to know about them is never more than a ‘click’ away. And media effectively places them ever before our eyes. In this age of instant information and cult followings, Bill and I have become all the more aware of how important it is to carefully select the role models who will influence our children. Equally important, we’ve seen the need to supply appropriate commentary for our children in the midst of these kinds of current events.

When we think about choosing role models for our children, these are some of the questions my husband and I have considered:

          • What does the life of this person teach those who watch?
          • Is he/she rebellious or gracious and full of character?
          • How does he/she respond to life situations … in anger or envy, or with humility and forgiveness?
          • Does this person face the challenges of life with perseverance and learn from their mistakes, or by whining and complaining to anyone who will lend and ear?
          • If a woman, does her life model biblical femininity… does she value motherhood and is she oriented toward the home?
          • If a man, does his life model biblically masculine traits like courage, selflessness, and humble leadership? 
          • And how does this person respond to authority in his or her life …with cynicism or by genuinely valuing the authority over them? Do they value the role of parents?

We have found these kinds of positive role models more abundant in the lives of godly friends and families with whom we spend time and on the pages of good biographies and literature than on movie screens, video games or nightly TV. That notion alone helps us guide our children in how they spend their time. And as we seek good earthly role models for our children, we are also ever mindful of our need to keep before their eyes the life and character of the One who is truly ‘legendary’ and ‘larger than life’, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. As we point our children to His goodness, mercy, and grace, we will help them to “taste and see that the Lord is good.” (Psalm 34:8)

By Ramona Doyle

 

Have you ever ordered something online or filled out a form with the little question, “Do you accept the terms of this agreement?”  Recently, while filling out a new patient form in a doctor’s office, the Lord pricked my heart as I was signing on the dotted line below that phrase.  At the time I was in the midst of a trial and the Lord was digging deeper into my own heart with the growing realization of how much I desire to live my life on my terms, and not His.  I would prefer to have my trials, my suffering, and yes, even my joy on my terms.

 

God has never promised to bow to our plans for our lives—He is the Sovereign One, not us.  Our plans would seem like crayon sketches compared to his glorious blueprints!  But he has promised that he is good and he promises to work all things in our lives for our good (Romans 8:28).  It is so easy to find our well-being in the blessings the Lord has provided, but not in Him.  We want the certainty of good health, or secure finances, or comfortable circumstances, or understanding of the situations in our lives.  But when our security lies in these things and something goes wrong, we often find ourselves filled with anxiety or overwhelmed with confusion.  These things can change in an instant, and unknowns make us feel uncomfortable.  But God never changes; he “is the same yesterday and today and forever.”  (Hebrews 13:8)  He has the final authority over whatever happens in our lives, and what we know about Him can be a tremendous help in these times.

 

If you find your self in the midst of an unknown that is challenging your sense of wellbeing, these strategies may help:

 

1.     Start with the assumption that the Lord is good (Psalm 86:5) and that he is using this circumstance for your good.  (Romans 8:28)

 

2.     Battle the “unknown”—your circumstance, with the “known”—the truths of scripture, the most significant being that in his great mercy, the Lord has already taken care of your greatest need.  On the cross, he suffered in our place to free us from guilt, wrath, and the power of sin, that we might love, serve, and enjoy Him—regardless of our circumstances.  When we preach truth to our souls, we can find great comfort and hope in the Lord!

 

3.     Cast yourself on his grace.  Christ’s sacrifice on our behalf has opened up to us the resources of his kingdom!(see Ephesians 2:4-7) In the midst of unsettling circumstances we often gain a humble sense of our personal need that drives us to seek more of the resources of grace that can only be found in him.  And God delights to meet us as we do.

 

“For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen.  For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”  (2 Corinthians 4:17-18)

By Ramona Doyle

My husband and I have five children, and though our oldest daughter is now married, we’ve realized that we are still a long way from the proverbial “empty nest.” Those children remaining at home range in age from twenty all the way down to nine. Looking back, we have such fond memories of all the fun times we’ve shared, but looking ahead we take note that we have many more active years of parenting.

 

Now if your family is anything like ours, child #1 received hours of attention, and participated in everything from story hour at the library to baby swimming lessons and preschool music programs. When child #2 arrived, Mom and Dad’s time was a little more stretched, and the lessons and activities were divided between the kids. Then there was child # 3 …What was his name again? Oh yes, that was the one who taught himself to walk. J Obviously, I’m being a bit facetious here, but truth be told, sometimes the younger children can get a little lost in the mix.

 

We want all of our children to grow up to love the Lord and serve the church, so we’ve realized we can’t afford to coast during the second half of our parenting adventure. Because of the make up of our family, what we do may look different than when our older children were young, but it needs to be every bit as intentional. Here are some of the ways we are seeking to finish well with regard to parenting:

 

·        Take time to plan and pray – Once or twice a year my husband sets aside time for us to get away to evaluate the needs of our children and family. We discuss and pray for each child and set goals for the next season. We also evaluate our parenting and seek to make appropriate adjustments.

 

·        Learn from others – We try to be intentional in building relationships with others who are parenting with excellence that we might learn from them and give them a window into our parenting. It has also served us to reread good parenting books and regularly listen to good teachings we’ve collected through the years. How easily we can forget…we need a steady diet of wisdom and truth!

 

·        Don’t forget family devotions – We weren’t always faithful in this area, but as we’ve made this important discipline a priority, we’ve been amazed at how the Lord meets us, how much the kids look forward to it, and how easy it is to do devotions even with a wide range of ages. Some of our most cherished family memories have come from these times.

 

·        Involve all of the children in the life of the family – Having older children to help with the daily grind can make it tempting to leave the younger ones to themselves. And sometimes I would rather just “get done” with a task rather than take time to involve a child. I’ve started inviting my nine year old daughter to make dinner with me each evening. What a wonderful opportunity, not only for her to prepare to one day care for her family, but also to build our relationship and have yet one more context to point her to the Lord.

 

·        Cling to the Lord – We are weak and easily grow weary, but He is a fountain of strength who promises grace for every good work.

 

There is nothing magical these specific things.  They are just practices and reminders that have served us through the years.  Yours may look different…and that’s okay.  The most important thing is that we as parents remember that coasting is not part of our job description…and we need others around us to caution us when we start. 

 

“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)

Ramona Doyle

 

When I read Trish Donohue’s outstanding blog last week on how to be a younger woman, my immediate thought was, “What timely and helpful advice!  I wish someone had shared these thoughts to me when I was young…”  But it got me thinking about the other side of the equation – the ‘older woman’.  In order to write these thoughts, I first had to admit to myself that I am an older woman (well, at least a little olderJ).  I know I’ve already lost many of you with this title, but if you look past culture to the biblical picture of an older woman, she possesses much to be desired!  So here goes…

 

To those of us who are a little further along in years, Trish made a good point that I’ll state in reverse.  We are called to be younger women as well as older women!  I find it helpful to remember that though I have hopefully learned some things along the way and grown in wisdom by the grace of God, I am still a work in process.  I need help every bit as my younger sisters.  There are also those women who are a step ahead of me in years or life situation that I can seek out to draw from the storehouse of God’s wisdom and grace in their lives. 

 

So how can I be an effective older woman?

 

1.     Be observant.  Remember that though older than some, there are those older than me.  Take note of who is walking ahead of you.  There are many women around us who have hit those important milestones ahead of us…the marriage of a child, grandchildren, change of life, empty nest, to name a few.  They have cared for their families and managed their homes in the midst.  Who has excelled in these things…seek them out and ask specific questions!  

 

Blog Czar Andy here…  I thought this was a great point which stirred a couple of thoughts, so I’m breaking into Ramona’s blog with them. First, if you are raising teens and tweens there are some younger women who may better know what temptations and cultural enticements your girls may face than you.  It might be wise of you to find out what young women in this culture face and not trust in your own experience when you were that age.  Second, there are also some chronologically younger women who have gone through things you may yet face – debilitating illness, the death of a parent or even a spouse.  These women have much to offer, but often feel unable to identify with women who haven’t walked where they have walked.  Sweet, mutual ministry awaits those whose eyes are open to these opportunities.

 

2.     Look at whom the Lord has placed in your life.  If you are an older woman, there are younger women who need you!  With whom do you rub shoulders in the everyday activities of your life …perhaps in a ministry, through contact with your own grown children, in your community group, or around the church?  Start to pray for these younger women.  Encourage them as the Lord gives opportunity.  Perhaps the Lord will open a door to a deeper relationship.

 

3.     Be available.  I find it all too easy to fill every available moment with activity.  I may be doing good things, but if it is at the expense of fellowship and being available to the people the Lord has placed in my life, I may be missing some big opportunities.

 

What a delightful pattern the Lord has set forth in his word to ensure that we continue to grow in our love for Him, our walk in His ways, and in our ability to care for those He has entrusted to us.  May we as women soak our hearts and minds in the rich storehouse of wisdom the Lord has made available from the lives of those who have gone before us – and come after us.

By Ramona Doyle

Technology: It’s invading just about every aspect of our culture and lives, and much of what I do depends on it. IPods, Email, cell phones, podcasts, blogs, and online shopping are all a part of my family’s daily life and vocabulary. But I am finding that without intentional regulation, this information explosion can easily lay waste to my schedule and take over many of my waking hours!

I have seen the need to build some helpful constraints into my schedule keep technology in its rightful and useful place. Scripture says, “We are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” (Ephesians 2:10) Technology can be a useful tool for accomplishing what God has called me to do, or it can distract me from his purposes. Here are guidelines I have found helpful for regulating my use of technology and some questions I frequently ask myself:

• Start with priorities. If I am a wife and mother, caring for my husband and family come first.

    * Question: Am I allowing the use of technology (checking email, blogs, and computer games) to interfere with the priorities God has given me?

• Set some limits. I try to limit when and how often I check email or blogs. If you must check email often because frequent communication is necessary for your family or ministry, try to stay focused on necessary communication and save less urgent items for a time that you can schedule.

    * Question: Am I mastering my email, or is it mastering me?

• Stop surfing. Try a blog-feed service that will combine new posts on blogs you frequent. That allows you to go to one place for everything instead of wasting valuable time logging on and off. And try limiting the number of blogs you follow. It keeps me busy just following up on the many wonderful resources our pastors recommend along with their sermons.

    * Question: Am I maxing out on information and forgetting about application?

• Stay in touch. Our lives as wives and mothers are primarily relational. Try using a speaker system for your IPod so that when you are listening to music or sermons, it is not to the exclusion of your family. Monitor amounts of time spent in chit-chat on the phone.

    * Question: Am I practically unavailable to my husband or children because I’m plugged-in, on line, or tied up for extended periods during the day?

Take it one thing at a time. And be encouraged…a little thought and application go a long way.