By Rob Flood

Convinced of this, I know that I will remain and continue with you all, for your progress and joy in the faith, so that in me you may have ample cause to glory in Christ Jesus, because of my coming to you again. (Philippians 1:25-26)

Paul has arrived at the conclusion that, for him, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If he lives, he continues to bear fruit in the mission Christ has set before him. If he dies, he rests from his labors in the eternal rest of his King and his Savior.

He becomes convinced that he will remain living and not die to be with the Lord just yet. But he remains, not out of resignation, but with distinct purpose. His life, lived in the fullness of the gospel, will be lived for the purpose of others. It will be lived for their progress in the faith and their joy in the faith. His words, actions, and affections will be sown into the Philippians for their progress and joy.

We have been joined with others in life. Some of us through natural birth, some through new birth, some through marriage and some through the birth of our own children. And, as Christ tarries, we know we will continue with all of these people in our lives.

As we labor daily for the health of our marriages, what will give definition to our efforts? As we learn new boundaries of our weaknesses and limitations in our parenting, will we allow God himself to define our purpose as parents?

When we live for the progress of others, we strive for their godliness and growth. We want what is best for them in the Lord and we want it for them. We do not pursue this so that our marriage or home is better, but so that they would know the true person and character of God more fully. But if we do this absent a goal for their joy, we run the risk of embittering them toward God. We risk setting up our love as an achievement goal rather than something that we freely offer. Wanting the progress of our spouse or our children is insufficient.

When we live for the joy of others, we strive for them to experience the gladness of God in their lives. We want them happy. We want them to enjoy the life they live. Again, not just because their happiness leads to our own, but because our love desires their joy for them. But if we do this absent a goal for their progress in the Lord, we run the risk of living lives defined by whether those in our lives are happy with us. We risk seeking their joy at the expense of their godliness.

Paul’s understanding of a life purchased by Christ led him to one conclusion: if Christ tarries, my life will be purposed for the progress and joy of others. Either one or the other might be a simple endeavor. But to accomplish both…that is a task of divine proportions.

When we continue with our children or our spouse for their progress and joy in the faith, we bring adjustment without anger. We bring concern without judgment. We bring levity and relatability without compromise. We fan the flame of the one without smothering the other. The call is not optional…we receive it if Christ, in his wisdom, tarries and leaves us remaining on earth.

While not optional, the call is humbling. It is far beyond us. So we must pray. We must repent when we breech the balance. We should fall on our faces in gratitude when we achieve the balance.

God graciously gives us this filter through which we may evaluate our motives and methods. Knowing that our lives are to be lived for others’ progress and joy in the faith gives us a wonderful tool. The result: those in our lives will have “ample cause to glory in Christ Jesus.”

By Rob Flood

The earth rotates: the sun rises, the moon rises, the sun rises again.  The earth revolves: the leaves turn, the snow falls, the flowers bloom, the sun shines, the leaves turn again.  This routine repeats until the return of Christ, when the glory of the Son alone will be our light.

As the earth revolves, that time of year approaches once again.  August ends, September begins, the leaves turn, and children return to school.  New materials await learning, new challenges await conquering, and new trials await fresh faith.  Faith not just for the children but for the parents as well.

As we consider these new materials, new challenges, and new trials, it might help us all to remember a few things:

1. The Big Picture: Each challenge and trial requires us to get involved in the details.  This is obvious.  However, if we allow the details to outline the sole definition, we will shoot after the wrong goals as we seek to resolve or tackle the problem.  Every challenge and trial occurs within the context of something larger: your relationship with your child.  When our faith only has the little picture in view, then our faith is only as strong as the current success of our circumstances.  When we keep the bigger picture in view, then our approach and our tone is informed by something bigger than the current circumstances.  As parents of school-aged children, we must keep the big picture in view.
   
   
2. Our Big God:  Whether you are teaching your child or helping with homework for tomorrow’s class, school challenges can bring us to the end of ourselves.  As parents, we sometimes focus on the things we’d love to change about our children.  We desire good for them and want their desire to be the same for us.  However, those areas of change are often beyond what we can manufacture or even influence.  That realm belongs to God alone.  As we work with our children throughout the school year, we must remember to keep God in view.  Not just his jurisdiction, but his posture toward us as parents and toward our children.  And keep in mind that our big God is normally about the big picture.
   
   
3. What God Can Do with Small Faith: We don’t need to muster up the faith for the entire school year.  We don’t need to be smart enough to anticipate every trial or challenge that will come this year.  We have strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow because of our faithful God.  We must protect ourselves from trusting in our children or in ourselves for a successful school year.  We need a Godward faith.  We need a faith that acknowledges our need for God.  We need a faith that acknowledges our need for faith.  With small faith, God can move mountains.  With our small faith, surely God can provide a successful school year.

When we remember these few things, the school year isn’t primarily filled with fear or trial.  It is primarily filled with opportunities for the strength, faithfulness, and glory of God to shine forth through us and around us.  Realizing that our big God is with us in the process of our children’s education should give all of us faith for a new school year.

By Andy Farmer

The Lord has always been faithful to visit our teens at Youth Camp. Many of our adult members are able to point back to a particular message, or moment, or interaction at a Youth Camp and say, ‘that’s where the Lord got my attention’.

This year was no different. In fact, it appears that there was an unusual outpouring of the Spirit on the youth throughout the week, but particularly on Friday night following Jared’s message. Upwards of 30 kids responded to the gospel for the first time or to recommit their lives to Christ. And many others who came up to pray for those teens were swept up in what the Spirit of God was doing and also affected. Many would have said they came into Youth Camp indifferent to the things of God were met in powerful ways.

As parents we can face a wonderful but perplexing dilemma in caring for our kids after an event like Youth Camp. We rejoice to see remarkable immediate changes in our kids and their perspective of God. But we don’t want to trust in the emotional response in a situation that is so unlike where they live day in and day out. Only God can ultimately establish a genuine work of the Spirit in a person. As parents we have been given responsibility by Him to wisely discern and shepherd our children’s hearts – and the grace to serve our children in this important ‘training up of our children in the way they should go’. (Prov. 22:6)

The following are some suggestions for how you as a parent can shepherd the activity of the Spirit that may have occurred in your teen’s life at Youth Camp. To keep things simple, they are going to flow along with the Camp them of ALIVE.

Accept that Youth Camp experiences are not typical experiences. But that doesn’t mean they aren’t authentic experiences. Rejoice that anything ‘more of Jesus and less of me’ is God at work. Never despise small beginnings. Emotions may fade, but every time our teens see their teammates, or sing songs from camp or look at pictures they will be reminded of what God did for them. At the same time don’t cast doubt upon your teens experience simply because you see them struggle in a familiar sin pattern. How many of us have been struggling for years with the same familiar sins.

Look for themes. Look for themes in the preaching that resonated with them and help them focus more in those areas. Look for themes in your teen’s experience that can connect with their lives before and after youth camp. For example, your teens might have been struggling with how they are viewed by others before camp – is there any experience they had where the Lord dealt with that struggle?

Invest in God’s agenda that was highlighted at youth camp. As parents we tend to have our own agendas for where our teens need to grow and change – more focus on studies; a better attitude at home, more diligent in responsibilities, better choices among friends, etc. These are all good to pursue. But Youth Camp is a good time to examine parental agendas. We can trust God that if we are investing in his agenda, then our agendas will take care of themselves. Consider reviewing the youthcamp messages in the months to come. Hearing the messages a second time can remind our teens of how God’s Word spoke to their heart and keep their resolve to follow the Lord strong.  http://www.covfel.org/pages/page.asp?page_id=51731

Value the stubborn grace of God. If the experience of youth camp seems to become a distant memory to your teen in the weeks and months to come, God isn’t frustrated that he gave it his best shot and it didn’t take. Be careful not to say things like, ‘what happened to you, you were so different after Youth Camp’! Youth Camp and real life are a lot different. The creature comforts are far superior at home; the distractions of the world are far worse. If your child went to Youth Camp the Lord is able to water the seeds planted there and bring them to full fruit. Remember their team leaders – most of them were where your teen is at one time, and the Lord has done incredible things with them.

Encourage your teen to some practical steps in response to what God did. A commitment to attend Cross Culture monthly meetings with you would be a great place to start. For your 9th -12th grade students, consider plugging into your Cross Culture small group again. Perhaps the Bridge is a good next step for them. Certainly helping them develop regular devotions is good. You may also need to help them think of something to turn away from – maybe in media or social networking. You don’t want to overdo changes – small steps in key areas can make a big difference.

Above all, rejoice that God visited your teen in Youth Camp! It was real, and it will matter.

By Rob Flood

Have you ever noticed that God doesn’t talk about fear without talking about himself. It’s really an incredible trend to notice. Consider just a few examples:

• Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)

• Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. (Joshua 1:9)

• Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. (Psalm 23:4)

• When I saw him, I fell at his feet as though dead. But he laid his right hand on me, saying, "Fear not, I am the first and the last, and the living one. I died, and behold I am alive forevermore, and I have the keys of Death and Hades.” (Revelation 1:17-18)

Whenever God’s people fear, we are not told to buck it up. We are told to look to God. The fears we have for the future of our children, for the condition of our marriage, for whether we’ll ever get married in the first place, all are answered in one place alone…a good look at God.

Our temptation is to read topical books or get accountability to overcome our fear. These are good things, as far as they go, and ought to be part of our lives. However, they will all fail due to lack of power. We can always talk ourselves out of peace when we look at our problems. There is always something the books didn’t cover, or something we always struggle applying.

However, a good look at God…at the cross and work of Jesus Christ…will never fail us due to lack of power. There we see perfect power merged with perfect sovereignty merged with perfect love. It is the reason that John says: 

                There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. (1 John 4:18)

When we are rightly understanding our God and his love and power leveraged on our behalf, fear must flee. It cannot survive in love like that.

The fears we have for our marriage, for our children, for our lives, are all very real. There is nothing trivial about them. We simply must accept, and then rejoice over, the reality of God’s love for us; the reality and power that comes in his presence with us. When we fear, we would be wise to do what the Scriptures illustrate for us time and again: Look to God. He is with us. He will help us. He was dead and is now alive forevermore.

By Rob Flood

Wouldn’t it be great if we could just ask questions about what to do with our children, get the answers, and have everything work wonderfully?  Wouldn’t that make a great blog?  Well, it might make a popular blog, but not a great one.  A great parenting blog in the Christian world does not contain answers on what to do with your children.  It contains thoughts on how to think of your children.  It contains insights on how to understand and believe God for your children. 

This focus, how to think of your children and how to believe God for your children, is an important focus when it comes to entertainment choices.  While some things are clearly off limits and wrong, most forms of entertainment that draw our children are not as clear cut.  Coming to conclusions on these subjects is less like a fact-finding mission and more like unearthing an artifact.  It is not quick and to the point.  It is more like careful work, dusting and preserving what we’re after.

In a recent blog, C.J. Mahaney wrote on children’s use of video games.  I believe you will find it helpful as you seek to unearth and dust off the very personalized, nuanced path of parenting for each of your children.  Here is that blog. (click here.)

Also, let me recommend reading or rereading Chapter 6 from the Worldliness book.  In it, Jeff Purswell helps us see the world with biblical eyes: not as entirely good nor entirely wicked.  He challenges us with statements such as:

A biblical worldview sees every moment of life lived under the sovereign grace of God and the enabling power of the Holy Spirit. Scripture’s story is emphatic: God’s rule extends to all of creation and therefore to all of our lives.  As Abraham Kuyper famously put it, “There is not a square inch in the whole domain of our human existence over which Christ, who is Sovereign over all, does not cry: Mine!” (p. 156)

This is a helpful approach to thinking about the world…those things that fall in the gray.  While there is no “one size fits all,” the principle of Christ’s lordship…therefore his ownership…is unwavering.

May God guide you as you discover his will for your family as it relates to video games…and the million other areas where we, as parents, must walk by faith.

By Rob Flood

For the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
and chastises every son whom he receives.

God’s goodness is an identifiable truth fixed forever in the heavens.  It is best displayed on the cross of Jesus Christ.  There, a holy God poured his wrath upon the Innocent…and poured his love upon the guilty.  In that single act, God’s goodness is always pointed toward the redeemed.

This truth has comforted souls for thousands of years.  Yet, in my life, all I need is to stub my toe and I can question the goodness of God.  My roof leaks.  …is God still there?!  The car breaks down.  …does he love me still?  It’s kind of silly, really, but my circumstances so often cause my soul to reflexively question God’s goodness in loving me well.

So, when we come to verses like Hebrews 12:6, we are faced with what seems like a very uncomfortable paradox.  “The Lord disciplines the one he loves.”  That means that God is actively loving me when I’m not feeling particularly loved.  It means that my circumstances will lie to me about God’s goodness and God’s love.  It means I’ll have to trust in what God says rather than what I think.  It means that faith will have to guide me rather than sight.

In trials, God is loving us like a Father.  He is loving us for greater purposes than our comfort.  In trials, we take comfort not in our comfort but in the One who is causing our discomfort.  We are told that:

…for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:29)

When we feel the discomfort of trials…particularly extended discomfort…we can question if God knows what he’s up to.  Which is why I’m so glad for the next two verses:

For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified. (Romans 8:29-30)

God is up to something bigger than I’m aware of.  He’s up to a work that is aimed at my glorification…not my “today.” 

Keith and Kristyn Getty capture this difficult, faith-demanding, yet glorious truth in one of their hymns.  It is called, “When Trials Come.”  The video is below…followed by the lyrics.

May God relieve your burden in his perfect time.  And, until then, may he embolden your faith and hope in the Sovereign One who controls every pang of difficulty.  He’s up to something bigger than we see.  And he’s causing it to work together for our good.

When Trials Come

When trials come no longer fear
For in the pain our God draws near
To fire a faith worth more than gold
And there His faithfulness is told
And there His faithfulness is told

Within the night I know Your peace
The breath of God brings strength to me
And new each morning mercy flows
As treasures of the darkness grow
As treasures of the darkness grow

I turn to Wisdom not my own
For every battle You have known
My confidence will rest in You
Your love endures Your ways are good
Your love endures Your ways are good

When I am weary with the cost
I see the triumph of the cross
So in it’s shadow I shall run
Till You completes the work begun
Till You completes the work begun

One day all things will be made new
I’ll see the hope You called me to
And in your kingdom paved with gold
I’ll praise your faithfulness of old
I’ll praise your faithfulness of old

Keith & Kristyn Getty
Copyright © 2005 Thankyou Music

 

By Rob Flood

I remember awaiting the arrival of our first child. I had plans for the type of dad I would be, the type of child he would be, and what our relationship would look like. I had faith for it…I had confidence in it. …then he was born!

On night number two, he cried all night. I mean, all night. In less than 48 hours, my plan was out the window. I was not filled with faith and joy but with panic and fear. How do I stop this persecution?!? As he grew, and as the number of our children grew, my plan went further and further out the window, down the street and around the corner. For the record, it never made its way back.

The plan I drew up was a bit utopian: wonderfully compliant children who desired to love God, honor dad, and avoid sin. Now, to their credit, they do seem to love God, they do desire to honor dad, and they do desire to avoid sin. But they are flawed at it. And so is their dad. My plan didn’t include weakness in my parenting. And, as time goes on, I discover more and more of that overlooked ingredient.

So, what are dads like me supposed to do? How about moms who, like me, are weak? We still have the glorious responsibility of raising children to love and fear God. We still have the duty to engage their hearts, even if ours keep interfering. What are we supposed to do?

William P. Farley helps us here in his book Gospel-Powered Parenting. Rather than equip us with steps and techniques, he turns our attention to the only salve for weak parents: the gospel.

When we turn to the gospel, it transforms our weaknesses. “My grace is sufficient for you,” Jesus told Paul, “for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2Cor. 12:9). God has inserted his treasure (the gospel of the glory of God in the face of Christ), the light that converts our children, “in jars of clay.” We are those clay pots! He has done this “to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us” (2 Cor. 4:7). What wonderful news! God uses the imperfect efforts of gospel-centered parents to do his deep and abiding work in our children. In the meantime, the gospel frees us from the burden of perfection. (p. 219)

The application is wondrously simple.

1. We embrace the reality that we are clay pots. We don’t fight it. We don’t deny it. We don’t hide it. We wear t-shirts with arrows pointing up, saying: This guy is a clay pot!  We tell our friends that we are clay pots and we help they see that they are, too.

2. We thank God for his power. Our children are not condemned to “clay pot” parenting. They are confined to “clay pot” parents, but not “clay pot” parenting. God, in his surpassing power, will pour immeasurable treasure into their lives through these clay pots they call parents. That ought to make us thankful, indeed.

3. We act in faith. Yes, we are weak. Yes, we have cracks in us. But we have a God committed to using weak vessels to display his great power, love, and mercy.

Join me as I join Farley in shouting with joy: What wonderful news!

By Rob Flood

Marriage is important to God so marriages are important to us. The marriages of this church fill our hearts and our time in prayer as we seek to glorify God in our homes. Earlier this year, we experienced Fight Night, two evenings to assist with resolving marital conflict in a biblical and God-honoring way. We then had Beyond the Honeymoon where we spent time on the topic of marital intimacy.

Our hope with our married couples meetings is that each message would be biblical, accessible, practical, and helpful. As you can see from the content of these meetings, our hope is not in our format or in our conversations, but in the Word of God to affect change in our lives and in our marriages.

Another component to our lives as married couples is community. Each year for the past three years, we have gathered as married and engaged couples on the front lawn to enjoy an evening together. An evening of fun, time together, and wonderful music.

This Thursday, July 15th, we celebrate our 4th annual Brass on the Grass assisted, as usual, by our friends, Jump City Jazz. This 18-piece band will play throughout the evening as we enjoy food and fun.

Please join us and consider inviting friends and neighbors. Don’t forget to bring your picnic dinner with you. We will provide the desserts. The prime real estate often goes quickly, so be sure to bring your beach chairs, camping chairs, picnic blankets, or whatever else you typically need for picnicking. We will start at 6:30…rain or shine.

By Trish Donohue

My daughter wanted an ironing board for her fifth birthday.  No kidding.  She’d been asking for one for months. So my mother got her one.  It’s a little pink and white ironing board with a pink wooden iron, complete with a cut-out heart.  We set it up in the playroom, figuring she could iron the dress-ups.  But that wasn’t what she had in mind.  She wanted it upstairs beside mine. 

My ironing board isn’t nearly as cute.  It’s old and creaky, and looking at it doesn’t give me fluffy feelings. I use it as infrequently as possibly, usually 2 ½ minutes before someone needs to have a wrinkle-free piece of clothing on their bodies.  For me, an ironing board is a battleground: hot, steaming slab of steel versus deep stubborn wrinkles caused by clothes sitting in the dryer way too long.  Who’s going to win?  Yes, ironing is war. 

But not for Shannon.  She finds a random piece of clothing, sometimes her old blanket, and very diligently and cheerfully irons every wrinkle.  I thought it a little odd, seeing that she shares my gene pool, but I figured she just thought it was fun. 

One day as her arm was moving back and forth, she said, “Do you know why I like to iron, Mom?” 

“Nope, why do you like it?” I answered.

“Because you do it!”

Simple as that.  She wanted to iron because I iron.  She wanted to be like me, and do what I do.

Yes, it’s a Hallmark moment, a sweet moment, a moment to smile and smooch her chubby cheek.  It’s also a very sobering moment. 

I don’t iron very much, but she noticed that I do it, and she copied me. There are many other things she has opportunity to notice and copy:  the words I say, the tone I use, the way I look at my husband, the things I love, the things I hate, the time I get up, where I have my quiet time, if I have my quiet time, my expressions, my responses, my laughter, my anger, my attitude, my joy.

Children aren’t blank slates waiting to follow a perfect parental example—they are sinners in need of God’s grace. But they sure do learn a lot from us, and what a priceless, serious, wonderful opportunity we have to model godliness for them. 

The two ironing boards are still in my room, a little picture of the opportunity before me these days.  And a big sinner like me needs truckloads of grace to do it well—truckloads of help, of forgiveness, of God’s faithfulness that is new every morning.  But I’ve got it.

His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. (2 Peter 1:3)

In Christ, I have everything I need to iron well.

By Rob Flood

Have you ever wished you had a time eraser?  I mean the type of eraser that allows you to delete the last couple of minutes…or weeks…or months.  Perhaps you’ve just said something you wish you could take back.  Or maybe your attitude has been a bit abrasive recently and you regret the impact that has had on those around you.

Well, recently I’ve been trapped in a proud season.  It has most certainly not a season to be proud of.  The particulars are of little consequence.  Suffice it to say I have been very aware of myself.  And this epidemic self-awareness has stretched from my attitude here at church to my attitude in my home.  The value of a conversation or situation rose and fell with how it affected me.  

While the particulars are of little consequence, the influence it has had on my soul is of great consequence.  My joy was gone and my peace was tapped.  You’d think that I’d realize the influence and come to my senses, but I was far too blinded by my sin for that.  The problem was not my self-awareness…it was those around me.  A time eraser would have been nice.

The Proverbs tells us:

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.

My wife, Gina, derived faith from this verse and met me in conversation about my heart.  With love, gentleness, and humility, she spoke directly from Jeremiah 17.  She wasn’t quite sure what was going on in my heart, but she recognized the man she’s married to in the description of the shrub in the desert.

He is like a shrub in the desert,
    and shall not see any good come.
He shall dwell in the parched places of the wilderness,
   in an uninhabited salt land.

She saw a man whose soul was parched and did not see any good come.  Then, she saw the description of the tree planted by water.

He is like a tree planted by water,
   that sends out its roots by the stream,
and does not fear when heat comes,
   for its leaves remain green,
and is not anxious in the year of drought,
   for it does not cease to bear fruit."

And she gently asked…she fitly asked…if the problem might be where I was placing my trust.  You see, the shrub in the desert “trusts in man and makes flesh his strength.”  The tree planted by water “trusts in the LORD, his trust is the LORD.”

For the tree, it was the best of times.  For the shrub, it was the worst of times. But a closer reading reveals that the conditions around them were the same…drought and heat.  The difference was their trust.  The Lord provided strength and nourishment.  The flesh can produce none.

Through this word “fitly spoken,” God has continued to reveal my sin…and his wonderful, refreshing, nourishing grace. 

As spouses, we have a front row seat to the activity of God in each other’s lives.  We also have a front row seat to each other’s sin.  If we could speak in humility, yet in truth, into each other’s lives, we could be the greatest source of encouragement where we see God acting.  We could be the kindest voice of correction where we see the flesh acting.  Our marriages,  our lives, our homes would magnify the greatness of God in magnificent ways.

I am blessed to have an ally in the fight against my sin and the fight for faith.  May I…may we…seek to be allies and not adversaries in our homes and marriages.  And may we be faithful and full of faith in the best of times and the worst of times.

By Rob Flood

Note:   On Fathers Day, June 20^th, the pastors set aside time to pray for the fathers of our church.  We are aware of the calling on fathers and the responsibility they have before God, and we are aware of some of the temptations that accompany that calling.  We respect the men of this church and how they embrace that calling in their families.  Below is the prayer that I prayed.  We, as a Pastoral Team, pray that God would meet you personally and specifically in your greatest weaknesses…displaying his greatest strength.

God, you are worthy.  You are worthy forever and ever and ever more.  As one small portion of the multitude, today, Lord, we bow before your throne and declare that you are worthy!

And before you, oh Worthy God, we ask that your favor would be on each father who is here today.  You tell us to ask, and it shall be given to us.  And so, Worthy God, we ask that you bless the fathers.

Bless us, Lord, with conviction.  Conviction for what you’ve called us to.  Conviction for the lives we lead when no one is around.  When no eye can see us, give us conviction to live for your eyes alone.  Conviction, Lord, to lead in our homes.  Under you, Oh God, that burden is easy and that yoke is light.  Give us clear conviction on what you’ve called us to.

Father, give us conviction to love our children when times are difficult: to love them as gifts from our heavenly Father, to love them not according to the circumstances, but through them.  Give us conviction Lord, that this task is beyond us if we are not abiding in you.  Prick our hearts, Oh God, when we become independent or fleshly, that we would return to the true vine and abide in you as we parent our children.

Then, Father, give us courage.  When we know what is right to do, give us the courage to do it.  When our convictions are unpopular, give us courage to do them anyway.  Cause our hearts to trust in the same God that called Joshua to courage, when you said, “Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”  You have called us to fatherhood, God.  You will go with us.  Give us the courage to trust in your promise.

Lastly, Father, give us faith.  Faith that fuels our conviction.  Faith that fuels our courage.  Faith that we are not left to our own strength, our own wisdom, our own devices as we father.  But faith that you, God, go with us!  And that you open the storehouses of heaven for your children as we walk with you.  Open those storehouses for our children.  Faith that leads to peace and not anxiety.  Faith that you will not just meet us…but meet our children.  When we cannot see the fruit of our labors, God increase our faith in you. 

Give us abundant faith in the one, true God…who is worthy to be praised forevermore.

 

By Rob Flood

Is there an area in your marriage that regularly leads to discomfort?  I don’t mean outright conflict.  I mean the area that brings a little pit in your stomach every time it comes up.  You’ve had more than ample conversation there but had less than desirable results.  Life can go on without harmony there, but a sense of uneasiness seems to lurk just below the surface.

There is a fork in the road before us all.  And it faces us each day.  We’re walking along and, bang, out of nowhere something happens that we didn’t expect.  …or we didn’t want.  …or we wish would go away.  Perhaps it’s a conflict with your spouse.  Or perhaps it’s a financial situation.  Or maybe it’s even a problem you as a couple are having with another family or couple.

The fork forces you to decide where you are going to place your trust.  And it only offers you one of two paths:  trusting in God or trusting in anything else.  Consider Jeremiah 17:5-8.

"Cursed is the man who trusts in man
   and makes flesh his strength,
   whose heart turns away from the LORD.
⁶ He is like a shrub in the desert,
    and shall not see any good come.
He shall dwell in the parched places of the wilderness,
   in an uninhabited salt land.

 ⁷ "Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
    whose trust is the LORD.
⁸ He is like a tree planted by water,
   that sends out its roots by the stream,
and does not fear when heat comes,
   for its leaves remain green,
and is not anxious in the year of drought,
   for it does not cease to bear fruit."

From the vantage point of your computer screen right now, as you read this blog, the choice seems easy and clear.  But you are likely not facing the fork right now as you read this blog.  When you are actually standing at the fork of deciding where you will place your trust, there is typically a dense fog.  It not only clouds your vision but your thinking.  In those conditions, it is all too simple to place our trust in anything other than God.

We can trust our communication skills or our spouse’s communication skills.  We can presume on relationship and choose to do nothing at all…trusting in a forgetful mind.  We can trust in others fearing our anger or in others having sympathy at our tears.  We can trust our efforts, our cleverness, or our humor.  We trust in these things because they’ve worked before…or at least they’ve appeared to work before.  But let me ask you this question:  How’s the tree?

No matter how foggy or confused the fork gets, the results are always seen in the shrub or the tree.  The show up there because a parched, drought season always comes to test our trust.  If you find that the tree of hope and faith is a bit brittle and parched, turn around and check if you made the wrong decision at the fork.  It is the parched shrub that has placed its trust in man and flesh…and hope cannot blossom or flourish.

If you find, on the other hand, that the leaves are still green and the tree is hearty, when you turn around you’ll see that your trust is likely in God.  When our trust is in the Lord, we do not cease to bear fruit…even in drought.

The object of our trust determines the health of our hope.  Two couples, standing at the fork, may have the same decision before them, but their need for hope has not yet arisen.  It is only down the road, when hope really matters, when we see the real effect of the choice we made at the fork.

“Cursed is the man who trusts in man.”  “Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord.”  When we trust, we sow to hope.  And there is only one source for that.  As Proverbs 3:5-6 aptly captures:

 ⁵ Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
   and do not lean on your own understanding.
⁶In all your ways acknowledge him,
   and he will make straight your paths.

By Rob Flood

Rich or poor, we are all allotted equal doses of time.  For each of us, we have 168 hours a week to spend.  That works out to 10,080 minutes.  There is no favoritism…no ways to earn more or deals to make that give us less.  We all stand on equal footing.  It seems like a lot, no?  No!

Remove about a third of them for sleep and you have about 112 hours left.  Take away about another 22 hours for eating and you’ve got just under 13 hours each day left.  Now, factor in driving to work, work, and driving home from work.  Add to that church events and Community Group.  Add to that baseball practice and dance lessons…you see where I’m going.  Time is precious and there are many, many things in our lives begging for more.  Yet, just like dollars, we have a limited supply.  And unlike dollars, we can’t even run into debt on our time.  There is a hard stop at 168 hours a week.

Our limit on time can lead to a common but devastating trap in marriage.  Because time is so short, we can presume upon our marriage relationship and give our time elsewhere.  We think, “she’ll understand” or “he knows I love him.”  Before we know it, if we’re not careful, we’ve spent all 168 hours on events and people beyond our spouse.  Or, perhaps a bit more realistically, all of the time we’ve given our spouse has been “business” and not “personal.”  It has been to handle the goings on of life and not enjoyment and care for our relationship. 

Just as a checkbook reveals how we prioritize the use of our money, our schedules reveal how we prioritize the use of our time.  And when time spent does not reflect priorities valued, we know we are presuming upon something.

Gentlemen, our wives are worthy of dedicated time.  Time set aside for no other reason than we prioritize what is important to them and we seek to nurture our relationship with them.

Ladies, your husbands are worthy of dedicated time.  Time set aside to enrich your relationship.

One of the greatest threats to time as a couple is the time necessary for children.  With the raising of children, it seems there is never enough time for marriage.  It has been said many times, but never too many, that the greatest gift you can give your children is a healthy marriage to your spouse. 

Is this a call to date night?  Not necessarily.  It is possible to have a regular date night and focus only on the business of life.  It is also possible to not have a regular date night and still dedicate meaningful time to each other.  Date night is a good practice and a reasonable place to apply this, but is not necessarily the same thing.

Here are some questions to help you evaluate if your time has been invested toward each other and for each other:

• Do you have a good sense of how well or poorly your spouse is doing?
• If you chose to eliminate conversation about the house and the kids, would conversation still come easily?
• If your spouse never initiated conversation, would you be inclined to talk?
• Do you currently feel closer or more distant from your spouse than a year ago?

While many factors can contribute to the level of closeness couples feel, it is nearly impossible to be close if you are not sharing your lives together.  And that is only possible if you are making the difficult choices of spending precious, precious time on each other.

By Rob Flood

School is coming to an end and the summer awaits.  Without school, much of their daily schedule has become open.  How ought we fill that during a summer?  The answers to that question are endless and varied according to each family.  Here are just a few ideas on constructive and fun uses of time this summer:

• Relational Education:  Without the math books crying for our attention, there is opportunity to work more purposefully on relationships in the family.  A book like The Young Peacemaker is a great place to start.  But even in the absence of an actual curriculum, seizing opportunities to work on the relationships in your home can pay dividends for years.
  
  
• Elective Education:  Sometimes, the rigors of required classes don’t afford families the opportunity to pursue topics of personal interest…individually or as a group.  Perhaps your child has a fascination with the weather or with a specific animal.  Or, perhaps there is a skill he or she has wanted to learn.  The summer provides wonderful opportunities for learning that will come more naturally and be more fun.
  
  
• Home Projects:  Even younger children can often handle an exciting project like painting their own room.  If you have lots of newspaper and drop cloths, involving older toddlers can still be a wonderful use of summer time. 
  
  
• Bible Study:  The summer also provides a great break from normal work flow and allows children (even parents) to pursue a biblical topic or Christian book they’ve wanted to know more about.  Maybe it’s a certain book of the Bible, or a person from the Bible.  Or perhaps it is a topic from church history or a specific doctrine.  After some reading and research, sharing these things with the rest of the family can involve everyone in what each person is learning.
  
  
• Fun:  Perhaps more than any other time of the year, summer provides a break from pressure and deadlines and allows for free fun.  Consider saying yes to more spontaneous ideas that the children come up with.  They may want to do an unplanned bike ride or park visit.  They may want to bake cookies or paint clay.  There are less reasons during the summer to say no…which means there are more reasons during the summer to say yes.

School is coming to an end and summer awaits.  How will you spend your summer?   Consider filling it with planned fun…and spontaneous fun.  And remember that the extra time summer affords gives wonderful time for spiritual conversation.  Your children have spiritual thoughts…conversation can help you discover them.  Even in the heat of summer.

By Rob Flood

I remember watching a 1^st grader enthralled with his new sandals…the ones that light up when you walk in them.  Walking down the hall, he was watching the pretty red lights coming from under his feet.  And, as he studied the blinking, he never saw the wall that snuck up on him…WHACK!  Don’t worry…after shaking his head a couple of times, he walked off, just fine…and still looking at the lights.

We can sometimes be so consumed with our next steps that we forget to lift our eyes and look at the end of the journey.  What would mature, godly love look like at the end of the journey?  How about in genuine hardship?  Here’s a snapshot of genuine love at the end of a journey.

Robertson McQuilkin was the president of a seminary and prominent in his field.  However, as his wife Muriel grew worse with Alzheimer’s Disease, he made the decision to leave his position and care for her full time.  The following was part of his farewell letter to the constituents of Columbia Bible College

The decision was made, in a way, 42 years ago when I promised to care for Muriel “in sickness and in health…’til death do us part.”  So, as a man of my word, integrity has something to do with it.  But so does fairness.  She has cared for me fully and sacrificially all these years; if I cared for her for the next 40 years I would not be out of her debt.

Duty, however, can be grim and stoic.  But there is more: I love Muriel.  She is a delight to me—her childlike dependence and confidence in me, her warm love, occasional flashes of that wit I used to relish so, her happy spirit and tough resilience in the face of her continual distressing frustration.  I don’t have to care for her.  I get to! It is a high honor to care for so wonderful a person.

Not everyone is in a position to leave their job and provide this type of care.  However, we are all in a position to provide this type of love.  God is at work in us to love our spouse in a way that reflects His own love for us.  Thank you, Dr. McQuilkin, for your example.

Now that we’ve looked at the end of the journey, it’s time to return to the steps in front of us.  Are you on a path that leads to that end?  Are you cultivating the love for your spouse that will withstand such trials?  True devotion to your spouse is fruit from true devotion to your Savior.  If Dr. McQuilkin’s example provokes you, then pour mightily into your relationship with Christ…in the end, your love for your spouse will smell as sweet as that shared between Robertson and Muriel…to the glory of God.

By Rob Flood

There is one practice that has been a regular source of blessing for us as a married couple that I would like to propose you consider:  building friendships with single men and women.

So much of our lives can be consumed with the daily goings on…our daily, weekly, annual routines.  If you have children, you know that often their schedules can dominate the calendar and dictate friendships you build.  Even many of our Community Groups are built around stage of life.  This is good…we need friends that are in our stage of life.

But there are blessings awaiting you as you build friendships outside of your stage of life, too.  I’ve taken a very informal poll of some of the singles we’ve been privileged to get to know.  (All that means is I asked a question over email and they were kind enough to reply.) I simply asked them what they saw as blessings of “mixing it up” and building friendships with married folk.  Here is some of what they said: (anonymously, of course.)

• I enjoy learning from someone who is in a different season than I am and being able to learn from what they walk through.
• It gives me an opportunity to see the struggles of marriage, and pop the bubble that marriage equals happiness.
• It protects me from just living life alone.  I’m part of something bigger when I relate to families.
• It helps to unify the church, by having two groups of people do life together who can often be segregated.  That says something very significant about the community and Christ.

We have found, as a couple and as a family, that we are richer because of our relationships with singles such as these.  Our children look forward to their visits.  One of the very ironic discoveries I’ve made is how often the blessings are similar.  Here’s what I mean:

• We enjoy learning from someone who is in a different season of life:  Relating with singles gets me out of my hyper-self-awareness and gets me thinking about people beyond my stage of life.
• It gives us an opportunity to see the struggles of singleness and pop the bubble that singleness equals marriage:  As married couples, there are moments when we can view the “freedom” singles have with envy.  Relating to them pops that bubble and brings us all back to reality.
• We’re a part of something bigger when we relate to singles:  The rigors of family life can make our one family seem like the universe.  Relating to other families can reinforce this, since their families feel like the universe to them.  By breaking out of that, we become aware that there is “other life” out there.
• The unity of the church is on display and loud statements are made about the Lord we serve:  Our single friend is right…if we are not intentional to grow in friendship with singles, it won’t happen.  Many of us have married couples Community Groups, we attend Married Couples Meetings, we are involved with Promise Kingdom, etc.  Only an intentional step beyond our ever-consuming sphere will deliver us from a segregated church and bring us into unity.

So…having proposed that you consider building friendships with singles…now what do you do?  Pause…look around you.  What singles can you organically invite over for dinner or coffee?  Who has God sovereignly placed in your sphere?  How can you reach out?

Oh…and one caution: don’t view your new friendship with a single as a project.  They don’t need to be worked on.  In fact, I’ve found we have benefitted from our friendship with singles at least as much as they’ve benefitted from friendship with us.  You’re building a friendship…not a disciple.  And, who knows?  You may be the one being conformed into the image of Christ because of your friendship with them…just because you “mixed it up.”

By Rob Flood

When our children are born and all they do is cry, sleep, and fill diapers, we can construct many dreams and visions for what their lives will be.  And, since they’re not even rolling over yet, it is easy for us to believe they will all come true.  Then, when they start to talk and walk, and finally figure out how to roll over, we’re convinced that this is the most gifted child in the world.

Slowly but surely, we begin to see sin in their lives.  Not sin of the generic kind, but sin that is specific to this child.  Through elementary school, scattered among the sweet and tender moments, we see them struggle with their sin.  We begin to wonder what ever happened to that amazingly gifted 2 month old that we had.  We question our dreams for them and do out best to push them back on Dream Road. 

In some of our cases, the struggling elementary school child grows into the wandering high school student.  Their hearts for the Lord seem cold and their hearts for the world seem warm.  In other cases, we see the fruit of godly conviction and repentance.  And yet, these two cases have more in common than it appears at first.

We all know the story of the Prodigal Son.  And we know it is not about parenting.  It is primarily intended to expose the self-righteousness of the Pharisees.  But, as a dad, I can’t help but be encouraged at seeing the tender heart of the Father toward the prodigal.  And it is the tenderness of the Father that these different cases have in common.

I’m encouraged because that prodigal was me.  I was running hard after sin and, when I finally turned to God, I found his heart to be tender toward me.  I’m encouraged because the prodigal was my wife.  And when she turned in conviction and repentance, she found God’s heart tender toward her.

And so, too, with my children.  I cannot make them turn and I cannot force conviction or repentance in their lives.  Only God can do that.  And, in the case of the original prodigal, he did that a bit late for my taste.  However, when that prodigal did turn, the Father was tender toward him.  And he will be the same when my children turn.  It’s true when children turn in whom we see godly fruit.  It will be true with our current prodigals.

And so, while the story is not meant as a parenting lesson, I pray the video below encourages you.  First, that you…a prodigal…have been embraced by a loving Father.  Second, that your spouse has the same Father awaiting him or her.  But here, mostly, that God the Father is the tender Father of the prodigals in your home.  And if you are the older brother, filled with self-righteousness toward the sin of your children, your Father has a tender heart toward you, too.

By Mark Prater 

Editor’s Note: This past Sunday, Mark Prater included the following comments on parenting in his announcements.  Our hope as pastors is that our focus as a church would be on faithfulness to the gospel in parenting rather than a search for the magic formula or special technique.  We strive for godly character in our children…not just moral behavior.

One of the things we treasure about our life together as a church is our families  We love to celebrate marriage and we believe that children are a gift and blessing from God.  And because of that, we view parenting not only as a responsibility to be fulfilled but also a privilege to be enjoyed.

You can see our church’s commitment to children in the way we do ministry around here.  We have Promise Kingdom every Sunday morning where we endeavor to bring gospel-centered teaching to our children.  And we have commitment to continue teaching them through the teen years though our youth ministry called Cross Culture.

As important as the church’s role is in the lives of the children, it is not the most important role.  That role is reserved for parents.  The biggest responsibility we have as a pastoral team is to come alongside and equip parents for the responsibility to parent the children God has given them.  That’s why parenting is an important value here at Covenant Fellowship Church: to help the parents in their parenting.

If you’re new here, you should know that we are endeavoring to be parents who are faithful to the gospel, not only in the instruction we give or in the way we understand and raise our children, but also in the living example we are attempting to be in our homes.  We know that the greatest way we will fulfill our responsibilities as parents is to be faithful to the gospel as we raise our children.  Our focus in parenting is on faithfulness and not on the specific fruit that can come from parenting.  The reason for this is that real parenting fruit is ultimately up to God.  We do the sowing and we tend to the watering, but God provides the growth.

The key to parenting is not finding and using the right parenting techniques, even though we must use them and work hard at parenting.  The key to parenting is being faithful to our children and to the gospel.

And this is where we need one another as a church.  Jill and I have loved parenting, but it’s also the hardest thing we’ve ever done.  Parents in our church need our encouragement, our prayers, and our counsel.  So let us be a church who not only parents in community, but also feels a shared responsibility for the next generation.  And let us help one another to be faithful parents.

By Rob Flood

 

Sometimes it is good for us to read about how marriages last for decades.  Reading helps us learn about our own souls, the souls of our spouses, and how to be intentional in our growth as couples.

 

This is why we dedicate this space each Wednesday to issues of the family: marriage and parenting.  Growing together as families is a priority here at Covenant Fellowship Church and it is a priority to your pastoral team.

 

Sometimes it is good for us to read about it.

 

And, sometimes it is good for us to just see it.

 

This dear couple, Marlow and Frances Cowan, has been married for over 60 years.  I have no idea what they’ve done to foster love and affection for one another.  However, when I am married over 60 years, I pray I will delight in fun times with my bride after all those years.

 

Here’s an example…enjoy!

By Rob Flood

 

Editors Note: On Saturday, April 17^th, Andy Farmer gave an excellent message to our teens on the role of the Holy Spirit in sanctification.  (Listen to the whole message here.)  Following Andy’s message, there was an Extra Point for the parents.  The following blog comes from that Extra Point. (You can listen to the whole Extra Point here.)

 

In order for us to be born again, we must be “acted upon” by God.  We face the giant opponent of sin and it is too great and too strong for us to attain victory on our own.  We need help from the outside…we need to be acted upon by the grace and mercy of God.

 

Too often, we can agree with our need to be acted upon in our salvation, leaving our sanctification to our own efforts.  And we can fall victim to the fallacy that parenting is something different from sanctification.  However, a short pensive moment will illumine our error.  There are fewer things that will further our sanctification more than parenting. 

 

So, in our sanctification…in our parenting…we need to be acted upon from the outside.  We need the grace and mercy of God to act upon us for our success.  Much like our battle with sin, we are not adequately equipped for the battle in our souls that parenting lays before us.  Yet, in our isolated pride, we often close the door to the main path of grace and mercy that God desires to use: others.

 

In parenting, God takes us to the precipice of what we can do on our own…and then He orchestrates circumstances that push us over the precipice into a free fall.  I have found that is a decent explanation of parenting:  quickly approaching the precipice of what I can do on my own and then, daily, being pushed into a free fall by the circumstances presented to me.

 

So, what is God up to by inflicting that type of pain on us as parents so frequently?  He is positioning us to be acted upon from the outside.

 

SPOUSE

Perhaps the outside is our spouse.  As our children get older, I’ve become more aware at how much I rely upon my wife’s help with my heart and with help in what to do.  She has articulated the same to me.  In the last year, I’ve received more calls at work to help her with parenting than I’ve received in all the prior years combined.  Why?

 

First, our kids are getting older and their issues are more nuanced and our clarity is more elusive.  But second, and perhaps more importantly, we are recognizing more and more our need to be acted upon from the outside.  We seem to be up to the task of parenting less and less and in need of being acted upon by each other more and more.

 

So, here’s a couple of questions as it relates to your spouse:

1. Do you see them more as a help in your parenting or do you see them more as a critic to your parenting?
2. Do you attempt to be a help in your spouse’s parenting or do you attempt to be a critic of their parenting?
3. Where do parenting conversations normally go: to unity or to conflict?
   1. The answer to that question may help you to answer the previous questions.

 

But being acted upon from the outside could go beyond our spouse…

 

COMMUNITY

In our need for help, sometimes both of you are in equal need.  Remember, in this Christ centered view of sanctification, we do not have what it takes and need his grace.  And his grace often comes through others.

 

But do others know where you are struggling?  Do they know that your toes are hanging over the edge? Do they know that you are in a free fall?  If they don’t know…how will they be able to help?  In our pride, we hate to admit that we don’t have what it takes to parent our children.  We hate to admit that parenting circumstances have gotten the best of us and are beating us.  Why?

 

It is the humility that comes from conviction of sin that qualifies us for saving grace.  Before being born again, at some point, we have to see that sin is too big a foe and that we are too weak an opponent.  We have to admit that we don’t have what it takes and that we need help from the outside.

 

So, I have some questions for you in this, too:

1. Are there areas of your parenting that you are unwilling to share with people outside your family?  If so…why?
2. When was the last time you willingly brought someone into a parenting struggle you’re having?
3. When was the last time you offered help to someone you know is going through a difficult season of parenting?

 

CONCLUSION

We are in desperate need to be acted upon by the God of mercy,  the Spirit of renewal, the richly generous Jesus Christ.  And, too often, the only thing standing in between us and the thaw is our own pride of wanting to be utterly and totally sufficient in our parenting.  Together, as a church family, let’s embrace the reality of the precipice staring us right in the face…and let’s open up our lives and our hearts to receive help from the outside.

By Rob Flood

On March 30th, hundreds of married couples from Covenant Fellowship Church gathers for the first of two meetings on physical intimacy in marriage called Beyond the Honeymoon.  At this first meeting, Dave Harvey brought a wonderful message from 1 Corinthians 7:1-5 called The Bed Beyond the Honeymoon. (You can hear the message in its entirety here.)  He builds his message around these four themes: service, initiative, talk, and heart.

We will gather on May 18th at 7:30 for the second and final meeting for Beyond the Honeymoon.

Dave’s quotes and application questions are below.

Quotes for message:

1. "Indeed, any married person who rightly sees these verses as commands from God will bring to the marriage bed a servant’s mind-set that places primary emphasis on the sexual satisfaction of his or her spouse." (C.J. Mahaney)

2. "Partners deprive each other in marriage by failing to give, especially to give what God wants us to give." (David Prior)

3. "No one can ever figure out who is doing the giving and who the receiving. Real lovers know that giving and receiving are a splendid and hilarious paradox in which, lo, the giving becomes receiving, the receiving giving until any efforts to sort it out collapse in merriment or adoration." (Thomas Howard)

4. "A man and woman who accept their finitude and who seek to honor God in how they love each other will of course enjoy themselves sexually. But that enjoyment will have the normal range that is to be expected from any physical pleasure. Sometimes they will enjoy a “steak dinner,” and it really will be extraordinary. Other times it will be quite ordinary—macaroni and cheese—but still enjoyable. Should they enjoy extraordinary sexual experiences? Yes, of course—sometimes. But at no time should they accept that lie that sexual pleasure is subnormal unless it matches the standards set by humanistic sexual therapists. Christians should recognize that “scientists” with clipboards who watch other people have sex do not really have a firm grasp of what normal means." (Douglas Wilson)

5. "Almost every way a theorist looks at it, sexual reproduction is a disaster!" (Michael Brooks)

Application Questions

For Guys:

1. One area where I take great delight in our sexual relationship is …
2. In 1 Peter 3:7, the Scriptures call us to ‘live with our wives in an understanding way” (or “according to wisdom” as it is also translated). How can you apply this command as it relates to sex and intimacy?

For Ladies:

1. One area where I take great delight in our sexual relationship is …
2. Which of the three sin categories that affect our intimacy mentioned by Dave (sloth, bitterness, unbelief) would be the greatest temptation for you in this season of your life, and why?
3. In Colossians 3:18, the Scriptures call wives to “submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord”. What does ‘fitting submission’ look like for you in the intimacy of your marriage?

For Couples:

1.  Is there any part of our intimacy where you’re not sure we’re on the same page?
2. What is one thing I could do to make our intimacy more meaningful for you?

 

By Rob Flood

 

This past Easter Sunday, Jared preached a wonderful message on Acts 3. Listen Here ; As an illustration of our propensity to trust in lesser things rather than Christ, he pointed to the volatility of the current political climate.  Regardless of which side of the aisle you are on, a trust in politics to save the world from its troubles is a misplaced trust.  He said that public policy will never fulfill what only Christ can fulfill.  It’s not that public policy is unimportant.  It’s just that public policy is insufficient for the task.  Law does not renew all things; Christ does.

 

As he went through that illustration, my mind quickly shifted to our families.  There are many people in the Christian world that proclaim the “key” to raising godly children.  Some assert that more restriction and less worldly interaction will produce more godly children.  Others assert that less restriction and more engagement with the world will produce the godly children we want.  Some claim homeschooling will do it;  some claim public schooling will do it.  And the assertions continue on many fronts: television, circles of friends, versions of the Bible, recreating past eras of history, discipline, devotions, etc. 

 

Regardless of which side of the “aisle” you may be on as it relates to any of these issues, they all ultimately fail us.  It’s not that they are unimportant.  It’s just that they are all totally insufficient for the task.  While they may produce a certain type of child behavior and family atmosphere, none of these pursuits will produce godly children.  They simply cannot.

 

Christ produces godly children.  It is the work of the Spirit of God pouring His mercy and grace upon our children that makes them godly.  And the truly humble parent knows this.  When a child turns out godly, humility demands that parents fall in worship and wonder.  Worship that God would grant his grace to our children; wonder that they turned out godly in light of our parenting.

 

This is what Paul is getting at when he addresses the Corinthians’ propensity to be on opposite sides of the aisle.  There were divisions among them over which teacher to follow.

 

For it has been reported to me by Chloe’s people that there is quarreling among you, my brothers.  What I mean is that each one of you says, “I follow Paul,” or “I follow Apollos,” or “I follow Cephas,” or “I follow Christ.” (1 Corinthians 1:11-12)

The quarrel is bound to be damaging and fruitless because it cannot address the real problem.  That’s why he returns to it in chapter 3:

 

What then is Apollos?  What is Paul?  Servants through whom you believed, as the Lord assigned to each.  I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth. (1 Corinthians 3:5-6)

As we view our children, we must continue to plant and water.  And we must make the best choices we can as it relates to social engagement, schooling, entertainment, etc.  God gives wisdom in these areas.  However, we must constantly be wary of our propensity to trust in these things.  Though they may contribute to planting and watering, they do not…they cannot…give the growth.

 

What then is Apollos?  What is Paul?  What is Mom?  What is Dad?  Servants through whom they believe, as the Lord assigned to each.  Dad planted.  Mom watered.  But God…God…gave the growth.

 

And praise God for it because our limitations don’t give a sunny view of the future for our children.  But God’s boundless and infinite power, grace, and love give great hope…and are worth to be the object of our trust.

By Rob Flood
 

When I was a boy, my sister’s future husband used to hang around a lot.  While I was the annoying pre-teen that never really gave them a moment’s peace, he was someone I wanted to be like.  I began dressing like him, liking his sports teams, using his type of humor.  I interrogated him regularly about his interests, seeking to learn all I could from him.  He represented something I wanted to be like…and I began to be like him in every way I could.
 

You may have a role model from your youth. Someone you sought to be like.  In our Christian lives, there are those who represent something we want to be like. We don’t make idols out of them (the way I did with my future brother-in-law), but we do learn from them.  Perhaps they excel in areas where we struggle.  Perhaps they’ve experienced a season we are heading into.  In any case, there are areas where we could stand to be more like them.

 

This is true in the area of marriage.  Our church is rich with wonderful role models in marriage.  Sure, they have flaws, but there is much to learn.  Our duty is simple…look around.  Ask yourselves these questions:

~   What areas of your marriage are in need of help?
~   In what areas of your marriage do you desire to grow?
~   Who has God providentially placed in your lives that you can learn from?
~   Are you willing to take the initiative to connect with them and draw them out concerning marriage?

Fellowship with others in your stage of life is very valuable.  There is mutual encouragement and accountability in this.  However, if that’s all you do…you will never benefit from the blessing of marriage role models.

 

Consider taking the step to reach out to ordinary folk in our church who have extraordinary marriages.  Perhaps you’ve seen something in their relationship that stands out to you.  Perhaps it is something you don’t see that stands out to you.  Pursue them…Ask them…learn from them.

 

You don’t have to start dressing like them to benefit from all they can teach you.  Keep your favorite sport team and your own sense of humor.  However, don’t allow fear or imposition to stop the invitation.  Role models have played a part in the Christian life since the beginning.  Every Timothy has a Paul.  Sometimes…he just needs to ask.

By Rob Flood

Having children is a wonderful blessing.  Wonderful.  However, it is also a challenging blessing.  Challenging.  We have a tendency to think it’s hard because of them, but sometimes the most difficult part of parenting is dealing with the side of us that we see and have to deal with.

We can often vacillate between not caring what they think of us to caring too much about what they think of us.  This is not a light-hearted matter, but sometimes laughing at some very serious things is a bit of food for the soul.

Which draws my attention to a fun blog I read recently.  The middle of the blog reads like this:

After finding alcohol in her son's car [Jane] decided to sell the car and share her 19-year-old son's misdeeds with everyone by placing an ad in the local newspaper. Her ad and the story it created made its way to the Associated Press where it was reported widely.

The ad reads:

OLDS 1999 car for sale. Totally uncool parents who obviously don't love teenage son, selling his car. Only driven for three weeks before snoopy mom who needs to get a life found booze under front seat. Call meanest mom on the planet.

The 48-year-old mom says she has fielded more than 70 calls from emergency room technicians, nurses, school counselors, and others all who wanted to congratulate her. "It's overwhelming the number of calls I've gotten from people saying, 'Thank you, it's nice to see a responsible parent.' So far there are no calls from anyone saying, 'You are really strict, lady.'"

Now, don’t take this as parenting advice.  Publishing your child’s misdeeds may not always be the best course of action.  However, do take this as encouragement.  Moms and dads make difficult and unpopular decisions daily.  And, if the judgment of our child’s happiness were our jury, we’d be guilty every time.  There is another arbiter, though.  

He is the one who has called us to this task and He is the one to whom we all must answer…for our parenting and for our lives.  

So, for all of the “totally uncool parents” among us…keep up the good work!

The cited blog, in its entirety, can be found here.

By Rob Flood

Imagine being an innocent bug on a wonderful summer night.  You’re flying around doing “bug” things when your eye catches some very pretty lights.  You fly to it, drawn by its strangely luring luminescence.  Suddenly….”ZZZZZZZZZ!”

Our innocent victim of insecticide had no intention of being lured to its death.  It was the lure of the light that drew him.  If he was a thinking bug, he’d remember the thousands of friends that have flown to the light before…never to return.  Or, he might have noticed the thick layer of bug carcasses that lie just beneath his flight pattern.  But our little six-legged friend went on instinct, unthinking to his demise.

This is the nature of being a bug.

This is the nature of being human.

Proverbs 5 gives us a similar story.  However, this is not a creature of the six-legged kind, but of the two-legged kind.

For the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil, but in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword.
(Proverbs 5:3-4)

It is the poison of sin coated with the lure of sugar.  It is pain with the lure of pleasure.  It is death with the lure of promised life.  

Like our unfortunate insect friend, husbands and wives fly unthinking into infidelity.  It does not take much to entice our thoughts.  We rarely start on the luring path aware of where it leads.  All we see is the drip of honey, the smooth oil.  We deny that they lead to bitterness…to a two-edged sword.

In many cases, infidelity is not a choice…it’s a drift.  A thoughtless drift of giving into one sin after another.  Maybe it begins with entertaining negative thoughts about your spouse.  You rehearse those in your heart and convince yourself that God would want you happier than you are right now.  So, you go for a walk.

From the side of the path…down another road…you hear the beckoning of some man or some woman who “understands” you.  They don’t judge you.  They don’t see your flaws…they appreciate you for who you are.  Drips of honey and smooth oil line to way.  Suddenly, you find yourself doing things you never thought possible and destroying everything you know as your life.  That is bitter as wormwood.  That is as sharp as a two-edged sword…for you and for those you love.

Fidelity is a choice.  Fidelity does not come naturally to our flesh because fidelity often means choosing against our sinful desires.  Fidelity requires moorings, commitment, and hard choices to die to self and live for others…live for Christ.

Infidelity requires nothing of us.  Only to behave exactly as we would if Christ had never invaded our lives.  Frankly, all we need to do is live like the bug we’ve been talking about.  We will enjoy the passion, the beauty, the thrill until the moment of ”ZZZZZZZZZ!”

Fidelity requires that we live as though we’ve been bought with the price of Christ’s blood.  As though our commitment to our spouse affects more than just our home, but our church and the glory to God to boot.  Fidelity requires that live as citizens of another kingdom, where the words we hear will not be ”ZZZZZZZZZ!” but “Well done.”

Our marriages matter to God.  They matter to the church.  And, when all is said and done, we agree that they matter to us as well.  While infidelity does not require anything of us, fidelity requires that we are active participants in making the choice… “For a man’s ways are before the eyes of the LORD, and he ponders all his paths.” (Proverbs 5:21)

By Rob Flood

Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart,
and you will find rest for your souls.  For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.
(Matthew 11:29-30)

In Part 1, Identifying the Star, we realized that our goal of attaining star status is flawed at its core.  In Part 2, Helping Yesterday's Star Fall, we took a closer look at the burden of life on the shoulders of self-appointed star makers. 

In the Scripture above, somehow putting on Christ’s yoke leads to rest for our souls.  Rest is what we desire and need more than anything else.  The means is found in wearing his yoke.  Let’s dig a bit so we can understand and embrace his offer to come to him for rest.

What Is a Yoke?

A yoke was a device used to control oxen pulling a plow.  It was made of wood and was quite heavy, even for oxen.  Often, as the animals pulled the plow, the yoke would chafe their necks and cause damage to their shoulders.  It was a symbol used by the Old Testament prophets for slavery and domination. 

When Christ mentions it, however, there is something inherently positive about it.  He asks us to take his yoke upon us.  He promises that it is easy.  In farming, the yoke was useful.  In humanity, the yoke was disastrous.  Is it possible that Christ was about to change that?

The Reality of the Yoke

Perhaps prior to reading Parts 1 & 2, we might have enjoyed believing in the myth of independence.  However, after some self-examination, we understand that independence from God is dependence on the world.  We are always yoked to something.  It is the nature of the human race.  Paul said it well when he said:

Do you not know that if you present yourselves to anyone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness? But thanks be to God, that you who were once slaves of sin have become obedient from the heart to the standard of teaching to which you were committed, and, having been set free from sin, have become slaves of righteousness.  (Romans 6:16-18)

So, we must accept that we are not the director and embrace the reality of the yoke.  It is the nature and design of things.  Now, in that reality, Paul points out that there is more than one yoke to choose from:  the yoke of sin or the yoke of righteousness.

Once we are willing to admit we are dependent, then we get to choose to our yoke.  Will we choose an unloving, limited master called Sin or will we choose the loving, omnipotent Master, Jesus?  The answer seems self-evident once the reality is accepted.

Taking Your Yoke Off

If we are going to put on the light yoke of Christ, we must take on the heavy yoke currently around our necks.  So, what is our yoke and how do we take it off? There are two that we’ll read about here. 

Yoke #1
 
The first is the yoke that enslaves a person to his natural state.  With this yoke, there is no room for a divine Master…only for the star and director of self.  Try as we might, we cannot get all of our life’s ducks in a row.  In this case, with self at the helm, the yoke we are wearing is the burden of sin. 

Jesus calls out to us and beckons us to come to Him.  He sees our slavery to sin and wants to deliver us.  He knows how much we need him.  He knows we will never be good enough to order our lives perfectly, to be able to spend eternity with him.  He desires eternity with us and says, “Come.”

 Yoke #2

There’s another yoke that awaits to entrap us once we’ve given our lives to Christ.  Sure, we give Jesus the controls to eternity, but we want him to slide over to the copilot seat for the rest of it.  In this case, our yoke is not the burden of sin, but the weight of our lack of surrender. 

Jesus calls to this person as well, “Come to Me.”  Our knowledge of him is repeated in our heads and hearts.  We know that something is standing between us.  If it wasn’t, we would run to him for his yoke.  Instead, we have lived and answered from our pride – from our self-centeredness.

Putting His Yoke On

The yokes we’re wearing are chafing our necks and breaking our backs.  Then we hear Christ:  “Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”  We cannot, and we should not, go another step. 

By his death, Christ did all the work necessary for us to shed the first yoke.  By believing on him, we need not carry it any longer.  By his perfect life, we are freed from having to figure life out on our own…according to our own efforts.  His righteousness is more than sufficient to direct our lives.  It is our surrender to this power that liberates us from having to take another step with the second yoke.

What is Christ’s yoke?  Faith and trust.  As we live in belief, we are liberated from the worries of this world.  We are able to trust the direction he gives for our lives.  As the cycle of faith and trust repeats throughout our lives, we have opportunity to believe and experience the grace of the light yoke of Christ.

The End of the Matter

Self-centeredness is not merely sinful; it is destructive.  It not only devalues the people around you; it harms you.  Christ sees the heart you want to hide from everyone.  He knows your intentions more intimately than you ever could. 

Christ calls us to come…so come!  Allow him to remove the yoke that has enslaved you all these years.  Allow him to place his easy yoke upon your neck and allow him alone to hold the position of Star.

We know the star complex is not all it’s cracked up to be.  Hollywood knows it too.  Let’s not end up with masks of joy hiding our bitterness, discord, brokenness, and heartache.  Bring into light what is now in the darkness.  Surrender you life, your desires, your pride to Christ.  Follow him and allow today’s Star to shine.

By Rob Flood

 

Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden,

and I will give you rest.  (Matthew 11:28)

 

Why are we so interested in the scandals of the stars?  We know that much of what Hollywood supports is contrary to what we claim to believe. So, why does it have so much power over us?

 

There are many reasons, I’m sure, for Hollywood’s power.  One, however, is very relevant as we look at our star complex.  We spend so much of our time and effort trying to attain what those in Hollywood already have - stardom.  So we watch and study seeing divorce, bitterness, brokenness, addiction, and heartache.  Weaved throughout it all we see rampant promiscuity.  How can those with so much struggle so profoundly?

 

The   Effort

I hearken back to images of Olympic weight lifters.  With every ounce of their enormous frames, they strain as they raise the weighted bar.  After just seconds, even for them, all their strength is spent and the bar crashes to the ground.  What a perfect image of the typical Hollywood star.

 

They have everything man could want:  beauty, fame, and fortune.  How many are truly thriving and satisfied with their lives?  They are busy trying either to keep that heavy bar in the air or to hide the fact that they have already dropped it.  Because their energy is limited, their stardom falls and falls hard.

 

You see, man was never intended to bear the weight of stardom.  It’s simply too heavy to lift.  If we are ever to have rest in this life, we must be willing to stop the constant effort of lifting weight we were never intended to bear.  Our desire for self-dependence is our downfall.  We have an enemy that knows this about us.  He softly whispers lies in our ear: “Try just a little harder.  It’s worth the effort.”  In our pride, we go for the bait.

 

The   Image

The star-complex has two edges.  The first edge is the weight one must bear to attain and maintain star status, but the second surprises people.  There is an assumption that rest and luxury come with stardom.  We learned above that this is not true, which increases the burden to keeping the weight of stardom up in the air.  We must give the appearance of rest and luxury.  The Hollywood star wants people to be liked. It is difficult to sell tickets to the public when the star is depressed and broken.  So they must never allow others to see reality. 

 

The same is true in our movies…in our lives.  We do not often have the opportunity to be before cameras or paparazzi.  Our stage is more subtle:  church, home, work.  Along with our Sunday best, we put on our Sunday masks.  The Body of Christ seems so “problem-free” on Sundays.  Everyone is thriving in their walks with the Lord and enjoying God’s blessings…or at least that’s how it seems.

 

This image keeping is doubly destructive.  Not only does the act take incredible effort, but it also misleads everyone else.  We know the troubles we have in our lives: the burden, the hardship, the disappointment.  The difficulty comes when we see everyone happy and fulfilled.  We are left with the impression that we alone are struggling.  We cannot see past their Sunday into their Tuesday or Wednesday.

 

Image is a dangerous thing, especially when we try to portray one that is false.  We think if we can manage to make people think that we’re happy, then we’re actually happy.  We invest ourselves in perception management – trying to shape and control what others think about us by the “us” we present to them.  All the while, we are losing ourselves and any chance we have for help.

 

The   Cost

There are two who will never be fooled.  First is Christ.  We know from the pages of Scripture that man looks at the outward appearance (the image) but God looks at the heart.  No matter which self we present to others, God knows the real self.  We cannot fool him.

 

The second is us.  We may be the life of the party outside, but we must eventually return to reality.  No matter the mask we wear, it is always our real face staring back at us in the mirror.  Perhaps the only thing worse than struggling with life is struggling without a single person knowing about it. 

 

Consequently, we end up weary and heavy-laden.  The weight of life has been too heavy and the life we’ve led has harmed us.  And, to make it worse, tomorrow holds the same fate for us.  It holds more deception and weight for us to bear.  Is it any wonder that depression runs rampant in our society?  All these people pretending to be someone else, yet knowing they’re not…believing rest and comfort are “over there” and never “right here.”

 

The   Promise

Hear along with me Christ’s words:  “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.”  Friend, we are falling stars.  Our fall is certain for Christ will allow no other star but him. 

 

Our efforts and our image have proven powerless.  We cannot star in our own movie.  We cannot wear the mask without harming the person beneath it.  We are weary of this life…weary of the effort.  The weight we must bear makes us laden with heaviness. 

 

Jesus knows.  Remember, he looks at the heart, not the mask.  In the remaining words from this passage, Christ makes available a wonderful place to fall.  He himself lays out a plan for what to do when we get there.  Read next week and discover along with me just how Christ provides rest and comfort for the weary and heavy-laden…for the fallen star us all.

By Rob Flood

 

A Bit of Honesty

 

Actors wait tables and suffer through grueling auditions for a chance at working at their craft.  Dreams that have recurred since they were 5 years old being realized in their adult lives.  Their dreams were not of playing Man #5 in scene 52, though.  Man#5 in scene 52 was a stepping stone to playing their next role.  Their ultimate hope is to make it to star status.  They desire to become some movie’s or play’s “point of reference.”

 

To be honest, this is my desire too.  I spend nearly all of my energy trying to get every circumstance in my life aligned perfectly to suit my needs, to be defined by me.  I am the point of reference and all people are best understood by their relationship to me.  I strive to be the director of my movie so I can also be the star.

 

My plan was going well until I grew up and realized that my movie was not the only one trying to be made.  I got married and realized that my wife was directing a movie in which she was the star.  I got a job and realized that my boss and my colleagues were directing their own movies in which they were the star.  So, what was the problem?  Too many stars – only one real movie.

 

This is revealed when our children disobey.  Do we grieve more for the way they mar the perception of God’s glory or do we grieve for the way they mar others’ perceptions of us?  Do we feel grief or frustration?  We see it when we get overlooked for a promotion.  Do we turn to God and rest on His sovereign choice of where we are placed or do we turn to our boss and label him incompetent for his clear error in discernment for not choosing us? 

 

We see it when the car breaks down, when the toilet leaks, when coffee spills on our suit jacket just before a board meeting.  When our circumstances do not serve “the star” well, we fight and demand our right to be served, to be comfortable, to be worshipped.  This self-appointed star in his self-directed movie shouts from his self-assigned trailer and demands his self-given rights. 

 

A Bit of Reality

 

But here’s reality.  There is but one movie being made throughout the history of mankind (Colossians 1:16).  Nothing can alter its script and no self-imposed director or star will thwart its purpose (Job 42:2).  There is but one Director who is jealous to be the only One worshipped (Exodus 20:5).  There is but One who can claim the right of Lordship (Exodus 20:3).  This One, and no other, is also filled with indescribable and unalterable love and compassion for these self-centered, self-imposed stars (1 John 3:1).  He graciously works His will in us with patience and kindness (Philippians 2:13).  It is this kindness that leads us to repentance – to turn from our commitment to stardom and turn toward a commitment to servitude (Ephesians 2:7).  When we turn back to stardom, it is His gentle Spirit that prods and convicts us to alter our own course to match His (John 14:16-17).

 

Through the bread and water of His Word, He feeds us to grow and washes us to purify our minds (John 15:3).  At the cost of His own blood, He redeemed us not just despite our arrogance, but because of it (Titus 2:13-14).  As the stars, we never understood why the toilet leaked or why the coffee spilled.  But as servants, we know now that Christ was perfecting us and revealing our own sin to us (Hebrews 13:12).  As stars, we never understood why our children, our spouses, our friends and colleagues would not bow and serve us.  As servants, we know now that there is but One Star, the Bright Morning Star (Revelation 22:16), at whose feet we all bow and at whose name we all bend the knee (Philippians 2:10-11).  He alone is the One who holds all things together (Colossians 1:17)– that is why we were so awful at it.  We are not the point of reference where all people find their definition and meaning – He is (Acts 17:28).

 

A Bit of Hope

 

Do you find yourself directing and starring in your movie? Stand right next to me and be counted as flawed, as fallen, as self-centered.  The Director looks on you not with eyes of distain, disgust, or despair but with eyes of compassion, grace, and kindness.  He sees a sheep that was once without a shepherd who is now found (Matthew 9:36).

 

Therefore, as a fellow and former star now assigned nothing more than a supporting role to the Bright Morning Star, humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up (James 4:10).  Live for Him and He will fill you with unspeakable joy (Psalm 16:11).  At the end of all things, as you receive your crowns and rewards, you will do the only thing a servant could do.  You will cast your crowns at the feet of Christ, all the while refusing the glory you’ve invested so much to gain (Revelation 4:10-11).

 

In the end, Christ has compassion for all directors and stars.  He loves us more than words can express.  He loves us too much to allow us the joy we seek by directing our own lives.  Hear along with me these words spoken by Jesus, who knows self-centered people like us so well:

 

Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light. (Matthew 11:28-30)

In the following 2 pieces, we’ll consider these words of Christ and how we can do what no reasonable actor would dream of:  willingly move from being the star to being the extra.  And we’ll give all the glory to God!

By Gina Flood

 

May my teaching drop as the rain, my speech distill as the dew, like gentle rain upon the tender grass, and like showers upon the herb. For I will proclaim the name of the Lord; ascribe greatness to our God.

Deuteronomy 32:2-3

 

Do you ever experience one of those seasons where you know the Lord is revealing a theme in your life? You hear him speaking through a myriad of avenues: the Sunday message, the Scriptures you are studying, the blog entries you read, the worship songs you hear, a word from a friend (or a stranger), the book you’re reading, and so on.

 

I’m thankful for such graces . Thankful that our merciful God has not opened the earth and swallowed me up for my sin and slow sanctification.  I’m thankful for God’s kindness in providing those myriad of avenues to capture the attention of this very dim and easily distractible gal from Jersey. And I am thankful that he faithfully supplies the grace necessary for change.

 

Gentleness is a current theme under construction these days, particularly in relation to my children. Through the course of the busyness of the day, I am tempted to default towards expedience, railroading my agenda over the hearts of the little ones entrusted to me.

 

The passage from Deuteronomy inspires me with hope and vision for what God can do. It comes from a song intended for a group of people who had seen indescribable wonders, experienced miraculous provision, and had been spared time and again through divine protection. Yet even that was not enough to secure devoted hearts for God, strong against the worldliness and idolatry that was to surround them. Sadly, I am just like that.

 

I’ve seen God’s goodness again and again.  I’ve seen him bless, sustain, and deliver from temptation.  This song ought to be flowing from my lips as well.

 

How I desire for my speech to distill as the dew, to refine and purify, rather than muddy their souls with harsh words and tones. I want to burn the picture in my brain of gentle rain falling on tender grass. A gentle rain that soaks and permeates the ground, refreshing and nourishing a parched, tender grass that can so easily be destroyed by harsh rains that rebound, run off, and damage.

 

The tender souls of my children, souls we desperately want to fall at the foot of the cross, respond better to the gentle rain of Mom’s pleasant countenance and grace-filled words and tones than to the driving, pounding, damaging stare or word that has nothing of Christ in it.  Souls that need to hear recollections of what God has done, what he is doing, and what he will do.  Living Water that sees beyond the busyness of the day to eternity and refreshes weary souls with grace for today and hope for tomorrow.

 

In all of this, of course, I have to remind myself that it is all by grace alone. My best efforts to be a gentle rain will yield little more than a mess.  I need God’s grace… I am desperate for God’s grace! 

 

I am so powerless to accomplish biblical and lasting change on my own…I have proven it time and again. I must ruthlessly, in the power of the Holy Spirit, destroy every idol of my heart and renew my soul with Gospel truth. I must rely only and ever on the finished work of Christ on the cross and remember that he has lifted me out of the mire, placed my feet on a firm place, and filled my mouth with a new song.

 

Praise God, I am new and he has given me everything I need for life and godliness!  He will give me everything I need for today and make up everything I lack in my flesh. He has called me and His grace equips me to carry out His calling through wonder of the cross.

 

So, hallelujah, that, by the grace of God alone, this Jersey girl can speak like a gentle rain with words that distill as the dew. I am excited and hope-filled, knowing the One that is in me is greater than my most selfish, me-craving and he is eager to speak through me. He is eager to speak through you, too. May he be your dew, your gentle rain and may he use the words of your mouth to be gentle rain for others…by grace alone.

 

By Rob Flood

 

Last night, the married and engaged couples of  Covenant Fellowship Church shared the last message in Fight Night: 3 Rounds to Conflict Resolution.  Mark Prater taught on the Gospel of Peace.  Praise God that we have forgiveness in Jesus Christ and that, ultimately, peace in our homes is something that has been accomplished through his blood, as we apply gospel truth in our homes.

 

Peace with God is not possible without grace from God.  So too, peace in our homes is not possible without grace.

 

On a very similar topic, John Piper refers to grace in marriage as “justification bent outward.”  He defines it as the outward bending of the result of our justification…Christ’s finished work in our hearts.

 

In a message called, “Marriage: God’s Showcase of Covenant-Keeping Grace,” he says the following:

 

This is the vertical reality that must be bent outward horizontally to our spouses if marriage is to display the covenant-making, covenant-keeping grace of God. We see this in Colossians 3:12-13, “ Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”

 

“As the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive”—your spouse. As the Lord “bears with” you, so you should bear with your spouse. The Lord “bears with” you everyday as you fall short of his will. Indeed, the distance between what Christ expects of you and what you achieve is infinitely greater than the distance between what you and expect of your spouse and what he achieves. Christ always forgives more and endures more than we do. Forgive as you have been forgiven. Bear with as he bears with you. This holds for whether you are married to a believer or an unbeliever. Let the measure of God’s grace to you in the cross of Christ be the measure of your grace to your spouse.

 

And if you are married to a believer, you can add this: As the Lord counts you righteous in Christ, though you are not in actual behavior or attitude, so count your spouse righteous in Christ, though he is not—though she is not. In other words, Colossians 3 says, take the vertical grace of forgiveness and justification and bend them out horizontally to your spouse. This is what marriage is for, most ultimately—the display of Christ’s covenant-keeping grace. (1)

 

Marriage, unlike most other relationships, offers us the opportunity to forbear, to forgive, to choose unity over agreement and love over winning.  But this is only possible as we reference, even rely upon, the work of Christ on our behalf…reconciling us to God and granting the grace for us to reconcile with each other.

 

[1] By John Piper. © Desiring God. Website: desiringGod.org at this link: http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/Sermons/ByTopic/45/1992_Marriage_Gods_Showcase_of_CovenantKeeping_Grace/

 

 

 

 

 

 

By Rob Flood

 

By the grace of God, we are well-taught people.  We know that the gospel is central.  And not just central to the message of salvation.  We know the gospel is central to the Christian life.  We never outgrow our need for it.  We just grow deeper in our awareness of it and dependence upon it.

 

But sometimes…in some specific areas…we can desire something more.  Sure, we like the gospel, but couldn’t you give me the gospel and five things to do?  Couldn’t you preach the gospel clearly and tell me 3 steps to marital bliss?  …or 5 keys to holiness?  …or the most important thing to do in dealing with marital conflict?

 

Here’s what we have planned for you:  Fight Night: Round 3!

 

This Tuesday evening, February 2nd at 7:30 p.m., the married and engaged couples of Covenant Fellowship Church are going to gather for the final installment of Fight Night. 

 

If you recall, we met for Rounds 1 & 2 in the fall.  We learned quite a bit about conflict, enmity with God, and even some very useful steps in addressing and resolving conflict.

 

We are prepared to make you a commitment.  This Tuesday evening, we will address the issue of marital conflict head on.  There will be practical help for you to take home.  However, we commit to never go beyond the gospel.  We do not have to labor to make the gospel relevant…it is relevant by its very nature.

 

This is why we never have to deliver the gospel…and.  We simply need to go further into the gospel and mine its riches.  And our hope is to do that together on February 2^nd.

 

If you didn’t attend Rounds 1 & 2, don’t let that keep you from coming.  You can even listen to the messages here.  And if you don’t get a chance to listen to these audio messages, come anyway.  Bring your marriage…just as it is.  And expect God to meet you.

 

We’ll start at 7:30 sharp.  We hope to see you there.

 

Fight Night: 3 Rounds to Conflict  Resolution

Round 3

Tuesday, February 2^nd, 2010

7:30 p.m.

 

Coffee and fellowship to follow

 

 

 

By Andy Farmer

 

This past Saturday Jared spoke at our Cross Culture youth meeting on ‘Making Much of the Fifth.’ (Listen here) It was a great message exhorting the teens to see the grace contained in the Fifth commandment to honor parents found in Deut. 5:16.  He derives his message title from a quote by Thomas Watson,

 

“He in whose heart godliness lives makes as much conscience of the fifth commandment as of the first.”  (Thomas Watson) 

 

In our Extra Point for parent’s application, we looked at a parent’s responsibility in helping children “make much of the Fifth.” Extra point here. In his letter to the Colossians (mirroring his instructions to the Ephesians), Paul calls children to honor their parents followed by this call to fathers (and mothers):

 

Do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged (Col. 3:21). 

 

We recognized that there is an operating assumption that our kids want to honor us.  Nothing shames a kid more than a parent whom he or she doesn’t think is honorable.  Your kids want to obey the Fifth because they love you.  And they want to obey the Fifth because they are learning to love God. 

 

In response to Jared’s message to the teens, here are Five Ways to Fuel a Fruitful Fifth in your Family

 

1.      Be united in your parenting approach.  In a home where parents are at odds over how to raise kids, things tend to break down into a debate over which parent is more right.  In a united home, the issue is not which parent is right.  It is whether the parents’ position aligns with God’s position.  Where this happens, there is clarity of care and leadership.  If the teen is struggling with parental decisions, he or she can make appeals, knowing that neither parent’s strong opinion will necessarily rule the matter. 

 

Being united may be more important in the long term than being right in every situation.  It’s easy to feel right and argue for it.  It’s hard to be united.  To be united takes listening; it takes humility.  It takes self-assessment.  It takes realizing that we’re wrong sometimes.  Believe it or not, you don’t always have to be right to earn your teen’s honor. 

 

2.      Leave room for emerging personality in your teen

 

One of the hard things to discern in parenting is whether a teen is fighting your authority or expressing personality.  Often it’s a mixture, but if we always treat our kids’ tendency to be independent as rebellion we’ll miss opportunities to help guide them into healthy individuality.  To cultivate honor in our teens we need to learn the art of wise guidance of who they are becoming and not seek to mold them into a pre-determined idea of what they should be.

 

3.      Be watchful of fear and frustration in your parenting

 

We portray in our words and actions the size of God and the character of God.  If we are parenting in fear we teach them that God isn’t really able to take care of his children.  If we parent in frustration we teach our kids that God is doesn’t have any room in his plan for our failure.  Besides prayer, the most important thing parents of teens can do is help each other guard their hearts.  If we see spouse falling into anger or fear patterns in relating to our teens we can help them retain an apprehension of the Gospel for themselves, so that grace is imparted to our teens. 

 

4.      Learn to be a voice in your teen’s life

 

Are we a mouth or a voice to our teens?  A mouth is always jabbering, always commenting, always opining.  A mouth always assumes the best way to handle things is through words – and the more the better.   

 

A voice is concerned with what it says and how it is heard.  A voice doesn’t want to just say things; it wants to make a difference.  Voices love to ask questions, help make sense, fill in meaning.  A voice realizes that sometimes direct confrontational words are necessary for the situation and that stating something to arrest behavior or address attitudes is the right approach.  But the voice never wants to be turned into a mouth.  Teens filter out mouths.  They open up to voices.  Let’s be a voice.

 

5.      Parent as if the teen years are transformation, not trial.

 

As we move through the teen years, it can be tempting to think that the ‘best years’ of parenting are behind us.  We can look back to those first steps, the first words, the adorable adulation that our kids showered upon us, and think that raising teens is the beginning of the end of family.  They seem to need us less, even want us less.  Home becomes the base of operations; the greatest need our teens seem to have is for food, transport, and communication with the outside world.  At times, parenting teens can seem like a trial. 

 

But it’s good to remind ourselves that the teen years are not about family ending, but about family maturing.  We’re all maturing – together.  For me as a parent, I realize that I can’t become what I’m meant to be without the process of my teen becoming what he or she is meant to be.  Our lives are forever linked in God’s plan.  I need the teenage years as much as my teen does.  As he or she matures, so will I; that’s how our amazing God works in families.  And we are all meant to look back at these years and see how they were truly formative for future generations of our family together.    

By Rob Flood

As a parent, I find myself praying for providential moments to have meaningful spiritual discussions with my children.  Sure, there are planned discussions.  These look like conversations around the table either in the morning over breakfast or in the evening over dinner.  But, to be honest, while I’m full of faith that God uses those times, I’m not getting jubilant “Amens!” from around the table at those times.

Then, of course, there are the spontaneous spiritual discussions that happen in the close quarters of an automobile or the losing side of a competition.  Those are sweet, but hard to measure.

Recently, the Floods have encountered Viral Spiritual Conversations.  I can’t say I recommend them…but they certainly qualify as providential moments.

This week, we are all taking turns dancing around the floor doing a hoe down with a stomach virus.  While this has happened before, something is different this time.  There is a tangible spiritual element to this visit of our pesky GI friend.

• The children have cried out for prayer, literally, as they have been overtaken.
• Questions of “why would God allow this” came from a few of them.
• Talks of distaste for the Fall were had.
• And, at least on one occasion, I can say the most significant spiritual conversation to date was had with one of my children as we waited for the virus to round 3^rd and slide into home.

So why blog on a stomach virus.  Surely, I’m not recommending one for your home…am I?  No…I’m not.  

I’m blogging on a stomach virus because it was just a couple weeks ago when my wife and I were talking about whether the children were actually understanding the gospel or the things we teach them relating to the gospel.  We felt a bit like inquirers with nowhere to go for a clear answer.  Then…WHAM!  Like a punch to the gut…or many guts, as is the case here…we see application in our children’s lives.  God, in his good providence, has revealed that at least some of the infirm in our home are connecting dots.

In your home, it may not be a stomach virus.  Maybe it’s the loss of a family fish, or the breaking of a favorite Christmas toy, or a sprained ankle just before the basketball game.  If God is sovereign, as we know him to be, he is using all our circumstances for our good.  As parents eagerly looking for signs of spiritual life in our children, we need to be looking for connected dots and spiritually informed questions…even during stomach bugs.

There are many kinds of spiritual conversations that ought to be happening in our homes as we rise up and when we lie down.  God uses them all…even the spiritual conversations that go viral!

By Rob Flood

 

Have you noticed that there are many places where humility just doesn’t seem all that difficult?  We can have seemingly endless patience with some people in our Community Groups or other friends at church.  We can be out at a Target and have compassion on the person behind the counter.  We can be sitting in traffic and embrace the sovereignty of God.

 

But then we go home.

 

The endless patience evaporates for your spouse.  The compassion evaporates for your children.  Embracing the sovereignty of God feels much more like a wrestling match. 

 

Now, I’m open to the possibility that this difference is merely in my own life and that y’all are doing a great job.  However, if you’re even a bit like me, a question gets raised that needs an answer. 

 

Why is humility so much harder in our homes than it is nearly everywhere else?

 

We can, at this point, begin to analyze the causes and effects of our pride.  We might suggest that we’re home more than anywhere else so naturally we’ll fall into sin there more than anywhere else.  We might suggest that we have an expectation of serving self in our home and, when it gets invaded or threatened, we break out in pride.

 

As true as these circumstances may or may not be, there is an answer to this question that applies in all circumstances.  In moments where we lack humility, even in the home, we’re forgetting to apply a simple and well-known truth: the gospel.

 

I know…it can get to be a bit mind-numbingly redundant to keep saying, “the gospel.”  But don’t let the frequency of the word wear off the edges of its meaning.  In his book, Momentary Marriage, John Piper addresses the topic of humility and how it works in marriage.  He says:

 

The gospel of Christ’s painful death on our behalf has a way of breaking our pride and our sense of rightful demands and our frustration at not getting our way.  It works lowliness into our souls. (p. 56)

 

True and lasting humility only grows in the soil that rests in the shadow of Calvary.  And if we are going to manifest true and lasting humility in our lives, we must go to that soil, bend our knees and rest them on the turf there, and allow Calvary’s shadow to do it’s work on us…in us. 

 

True and lasting humility expresses itself wherever we are.  At church, in Community Group, in traffic, and at home.  When you truly possess this type of humility, it shows up in your marriage.  It shows up in your relationships with your children.  It shows up as you relate to your parents.

 

We’ve been told on any number of occasions that “home is where the heart is.”  If your heart has been humbled by the reality of Christ’s painful death on your behalf, then home is joyful because that is where the humble heart is.  If your home is the greatest stage for your pride and self-centeredness to shine in the spotlight, then perhaps you should plan a trip to Calvary.  There’s a shadow waiting for you there.

By Rob Flood 

Strewn boxes…slivers of wrapping paper…tape stuck to the carpet…Christmas tree needles stuck to the floor with Christmas tree sap.  Not to mention piles of opened gifts awaiting that dreaded task of being put away.  Ahhh, the week after Christmas. 

The week after Christmas leaves clutter in our homes, but can often leave clutter in our hearts as well.  So many of us, especially our children, have spent the weeks prior to Christmas hoping for specific earthly things.  And now that we have some of them, they occupy so much of our time and our thoughts.  

And then we’re reminded of Colossians 3:1-4: 

If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. 

In a season where all of the forces of the earthly and spiritual realms seem to work in concert assaulting our focus on Christ, how can we as families begin to realize the truth of Colossians 3:1-4? 

First of all, understand that enjoying our presents after Christmas is okay.  Some of what we received was very needed…or very cool.  And it was given with the intention of blessing you and bringing you joy.  Enjoying is fine. 

But if your house is anything like mine, the week after Christmas can sometimes feel like way too much of a good thing.  Before Thanksgiving, your children were perfectly happy with the toys in your home.  Then, during the shopping season, their “wanters” get turned on and their happiness rests in some yet-to-be-acquired thing.  Now, after Christmas, their now-acquired-thing is a source of elation…but there’s no where to put it since they still have their last-year-acquired thing in their playroom or bedroom.  Like I said…too much of a good thing. 

Here’s just a few ideas on how to allow your family the freedom to truly enjoy their newly-acquired things while helping their minds and hearts not focus too intently on earthly things. 

1. Everything needs a place:  If drawers were full before the Christmas clothes arrived…if toy boxes overflowed in November…then you are experiencing a simple space problem this week.  Toys and clothes all need to be put away, so if there’s no room, something has to go.  Use this “space problem” to help your family part with some rarely-used toys or clothes.  Places like Goodwill or the Salvation Army would be more than happy to receive what we are often more than happy to discard.
2. Store and Restore system:  Another thought, which can stretch out the fun all year long, is implementing the Store and Restore system.  Take a couple trash bags or plastic bins and fill them with toys or clothes currently in your toy boxes or drawers.  This will create room for all of the family’s newly-acquire things.  Then, sometime around May or June, pull them out and take a different set of things away.  The time that your family has spent apart from these toys can restore a bit of “newness” to the old toys.  It solves the space problem but keeps the usefulness of the toys.
3. The Toy Dump:  Prior to putting the newly-acquired things away, go through the older stuff.  I’m talking about toys, puzzles, board games, etc.  Anything that does not have all the pieces, cards, parts, etc. gets removed.  You may be surprised (or frightened) to see how much space gets created following this exercise.  As a perk, it also provides a great opportunity to clean a bedroom or a playroom.

Of course, these are just some practical suggestions on how to handle the earthly treasure of our holiday conquests.  Gentle but faithful discipleship is necessary in all cases.  Just like our children, our own hearts are prone to love the “seen” world as opposed to the “unseen world.”  And we, like our children, need practical and spiritual helps.

By Ramona Doyle

 

I like the beach.  My husband likes the mountains.  I thrive on order.  My husband has an incredible ability function well in the midst of chaos.  On a marriage retreat many years ago we competed with the other couples to see who could list the most differences between us.  We listed 261 differences.  We won.  Even if you and your husband have similar personalities, you don’t need 261 differences or to be married very long to figure out that you are two very different people, and those differences can either challenge the unity in our marriages or they can serve as tools in the hand of the Lord to sanctify us and deepen our oneness.

 

Earlier in our marriage there were times that the differences between us threatened me.  There were even times when I tried to make my husband be just like me (that’s a scary thought!).  Hint…don’t try that :-).  Through the years the Lord has faithfully worked in my heart to teach me that he has a wonderful plan for these differences.  My marriage to my husband, with all of our differences, was by his design and is intended for his glory.  Learning to view our differences in light of scripture has helped me anticipate the Lord’s activity in them, strengthened our marriage, and added to my joy in our relationship.

 

Here are some of the things I’ve learned to expect the Lord to do in the midst of our differences…

 

• “Iron sharpens iron” (Proverbs 27:17):  How kind of the Lord to help me in my sin and weakness with the insight and counsel of my husband.  And in his struggles I can do the same for him.  We sharpen one another in our faith, help each other in our battle with sin, and help equip one another to love and treasure Christ all the more.

 

• “A threefold cord is not quickly broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12):  God made me in weakness in order to point to his sufficiency, and in my husband’s leadership he provides a wonderful covering.  As I draw from them both, I am strengthened!  Not only this, chances are you and your husband’s strengths and weaknesses are in different areas…your strengths help him in his weakness just as his lift you up in the midst of yours.

 

• “It refers to Christ and the church” (Ephesians 5:31-32):  My thoughts about my marriage can so often be “me-centered” but the Lord has made my marriage to be “God-centered” … a reflection of Christ’s relationship to the church!  Because of this I know that God is invested in cultivating the same sacrificial, gracious love in us that he has for us.  God is at work…that’s real hope!  Together we mirror something we could not on our own.  Our differences, as we submit them to his gracious work in us, reflect something marvelous about Him and testify of His glory to the world.

 

No matter how different we are from our husbands…what marvelous hope and help we can draw from the Lord’s magnificent plan for our marriages!

By Rob Flood

 

There are some wonderful retellings of the Christmas Story.  From the movie, “The Nativity Story” to the show at sight and sound.  From some fun children’s movies to books that we’ve built traditions around.  These are all wonderful and good parts of our holiday traditions.

 

However, in recent weeks at our church, I’ve had a thought.

 

During our Sunday series, “God with Us,” we are preaching through the Christmas story from the Gospel According to Matthew.  At our recent Christmas Concert, we recited the Christmas story from the Gospel According to Luke.  And I’ve been struck by something:

 

You can’t really improve upon those accounts.

 

What would it be like if reading the actual Scriptures became a regular part of your Christmas traditions, regardless of your stage of life?  Parents could read it to their children.  Spouses could take turns reading it to one another.  Even singles could incorporate the audible reading of Scripture into their Christmas traditions with friends, roommates, or house mates.

 

Three of the four gospels have some form of the telling of the coming of Christ: Matthew, Luke, and John.  You could use them all in one year or switch it up.  You could choose just one and read it every year.  You could choose to read smaller portions every night of the week prior to Christmas.  You could read the first half on Christmas Eve and finish the story at breakfast on Christmas morning.

 

The possibilities are many…and so are the blessings.  We swim upstream of the culture on so many areas of Christmas.  We try to focus our own hearts, let alone the hearts of our children, on Christ at Christmas.  The writers of the gospels were not fighting the same secularizing that we’re fighting.  However, they were attempting to create a retelling that caused all readers to wonder at what had happened…and even ponder the events in their hearts.  We can benefit from their efforts when it comes to focusing on Christ at Christmas. 

 

The gospels were given to us to tell us the good news of great joy: that the Son of God came to earth to save what was lost.  That is their singular focus: the telling of the story of Jesus.

 

So, this Christmas, watch that movie.  Read that story.  Utilize every tradition that has marked how you celebrate this holiday.  But consider…just consider…a Scripture-laden Christmas.  Let the Word of God do its work…by drawing your heart to the Savior who came in the flesh:  God with us.

By Rob Flood

Picture yourself at the drive through window of your favorite fast food place.  You hand over the money and the person standing in the window hands over the food.  You check it to make sure it’s correct, give a cordial goodbye, and drive off.  You’re left with the vague impression that the person seemed pretty nice. 

What just happened?  And why has that person vanished from your thinking by the time you leave the parking lot?

To you, that man or woman was a “fast food person.”  He or she has filled his or her role in your life, served his or her purpose.  The fast-food-drive-through-window person is just that…and only that.  He or she is two dimensional.

For most of life, this “two dimensional” approach seems to work without a hitch.  The teller at the bank.  The register clerk at Target.  The mechanic.  The mail carrier.  But what happens when this “two dimensional” approach enters the home?

What would that even look like?

It manifests in so many different forms.  It could look the man who sees the boy living in his home simply as a son…not as a friend of others, not as a person prone to weakness and temptation, not as a person in need of an intimate relationship with the Savior. 

It could look the woman who sees the man she’s married to merely as a husband…not as an employee tempted toward his boss, not as a father, not as a friend, not as a man struggling each day to live in purity.

It happens when we view those under our roof by the role they play for ME…for YOU…and not for the “three dimensional” person that they are. 

Some offense occurs from wife to husband and the husband responds as though this woman’s whole person is tied up in being a wife.  He disregards the day she may have had with the children, or the phone call she may have had with her mother, or the time she may have missed with the Lord.  The question never enters his mind.

One of the children has a particularly rebellious day and the parent fails to see that the child has just had a conflict with a sibling, or is beginning to figure out what it means to be a young man or woman, or is struggling in a friendship.  The question never enters their minds.

Two-dimensional family members exist to serve you.  They have no problems.  They should know what you like and what you don’t like: major on the former and avoid the latter.

However, three-dimensional family members exist to serve one another.  They are messy.  They have struggles.  However, they are far more interesting.

Two-dimensional families have no need for the Gospel.  Three-dimensional families cannot function without it.  In the two-dimensional family, the battle is waged to determine whose desires will be met.  In the three-dimensional family, the battle is waged to see God’s will met.  In the two-dimensional family, law is the flavor of every day.  In the three-dimensional family, grace surrounds each conversation and situation.

The truth is, that man or woman at the drive through window is a three-dimensional person, too.  But the two-dimensional interaction is expected…no consequences or fallout. 

The members of our families, though, are not drive through window workers.  We do not have the luxury of unintentional, two-dimensional interactions.  Your wife, your husband, your child, your parent, your brother, your sister is far more important to God than the sparrow or the lilies of the field.  And a proper understanding of God-centeredness demands that he or she be that important to us as well.

May God give us the grace and the courage to live out our family life in 3-D.

By Rob Flood

 

As we come up to Christmas, we are often more attuned to the desires of our children.  Gifts of some sort are likely coming their way.  Because we love them, we want to get them what they want.

 

In the midst of your Christmas shopping, a recent study might be of some interest to you.  A nationally representative study was performed, asking one question of 1000 children in grades 3-12 who come from two income families.  These children were asked:

 

 “If you were granted one wish that would change the way that your mother’s/your father’s work affects your life, what would that wish be?”

 

At the same time, 600 employed parents were surveyed, asking them to guess what their children would wish for.  Not surprisingly, the majority of the parents (56%) guessed that their children would wish for more time with them. 

 

But here’s where the surprise comes.   Only 10% wished for more time with their mothers and 15.5% asked for more time with their fathers.  The thing that the children wished for the most is that their mothers and fathers would be less stressed and tired.  In fact, 34% said this about their mothers and 27.5% said this about their fathers.

 

Now, it is necessary to point out that the study was performed by an organization that promotes two income families…it was the purpose of the survey.  However, even in a study like this that might contain a strategic bias, there is something of real interest that comes out: children discern our hearts when we interact with them.  They may not always discern the nuances of what’s going on in our hearts, but they feel the fruit of it…the taste of it…the effects from it.

 

We can often attempt to compensate for our weaknesses, our challenges, even our failures with more effort…with things to do. 

 

~   “We must spend more time with the children.” 

~   “We must do more fun family activities with the children.” 

~   “We must…” 

~   “We should…”

 

These things are all good to do.  Yet, if we do them without consideration for our manner, for the state of our hearts, even in our well-intended efforts, our children may still wish that mommy and daddy were less tired and stressed.

 

It is good for us to remember that godly parenting is secondarily a task of “doing.”  “Doing” is important, but not of first importance.  Godly parenting is primarily a task of “being.”  When we are abiding in the vine, we “branches” can actually rest.  Even in the busyness of work, school, and Christmas shopping, rest is possible if we are abiding.

 

If God has led you to “doing,” then by all means “do.”  However, don’t make the mistake of thinking that “doing” will ultimately fix the problem.  Whether they are able to articulate it or not, children want parents who are “being” rather than parents who are just “doing.”  So, in the midst of “doing,” don’t forget to “be.”  You may be surprised at how God subsequently empowers your “doing.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

By Rob Flood

 

Thanksgiving is one of the those holidays that practically all Americans celebrate.  We’re told to be thankful for our country: for the freedom we enjoy.  The first Thanksgiving was celebrated by people from different cultures, different religions, and different backgrounds. 

 

From one perspective, this is a wonderful thing.  Regardless of religion, background, and culture, all of humanity enjoys common grace from God.  They enjoy the warmth of the sun, the nourishment of the rain, breath in their lungs, and a beating heart in their chest.  So, why not celebrate that over turkey and stuffing?

 

From another perspective, though, there is an opportunity on this ecumenical holiday for Christians to be the most thankful of all.  As followers of Christ, as sons and daughters of God, we have far more than common grace to be thankful for. 

 

When there is an increase in our thanksgiving for the benefits of the gospel and for the character of our God, God is glorified. (2 Cor 4:15)  When we are filled with gratitude to overflowing because of our faith, our eternity, our deliverance, God is glorified.

 

Psalm 50:25 tells us outright:

 

The one who offers thanksgiving as his sacrifice glorifies me; to one who orders his way rightly I will show the salvation of God!"

 

So, if our thanksgiving glorifies God, why do we fail to be thankful so often?

 

We forget God. 

 

We look at a promotion at work, a healthy marriage, thriving children, a sunny day and forget the God who gave them and holds them together.  We look at struggles with friends, failures of our health, difficulties at home and forget the sovereign God who allows them.

 

It is why Psalm 50 ends comparing the thankful person with the one who forgets God:

 

"Mark this, then, you who forget God, lest I tear you apart, and there be none to deliver! The one who offers thanksgiving as his sacrifice glorifies me; to one who orders his way rightly I will show the salvation of God!" (vv22, 23)

 

It is also why the Scriptures, from front to back, are faithful to remind us to be thankful to God:

 

~   Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise! Give thanks to him; bless his name! (Psalm 100:4)

~   Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. (Ephesians 5:4)

~   …do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. (Philippians 4:6)

 

 

This Thanksgiving, express your thanks for a good meal, for family and friends, and for the freedom and providence our country has enjoyed.  These are good gifts from the hand of God.  Yet, these are gifts available to more than just the church.

 

So, this Thanksgiving, command your own soul the way the Scriptures do…remember the unique grace we’ve received from God.  Remember the cross on which Jesus died.  Remember that each breath is from His hand that each passing of a saint is entrance into his rest.  Remember that all we encounter is an expression of God’s love for us.

 

Command your soul to make this Thanksgiving a day when you enter his courts with praise and his gates with thanksgiving.  A day when you give him thanks and bless his name.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

By Rob Flood

On November 1^st, Jared Mellinger preached a message on the sacrament of baptism here.  In response to that message, many of you have expressed a desire to be baptized yourselves.  We praise God for this response.

We also praise God for the response of those who have faithfully and humbly asked questions about the content and implications of Jared’s message.  In light of those questions, and the fact that this Sunday’s message will focus on the sacrament of communion, I want to draw your attention to two tools that are intended to be used.

1) The Sacraments: Questions & Answers for Parents - With the help of our sister church in Fairfax, Virginia, we’re making available this booklet to walk you through 19 questions that parents may ask…or questions children might ask of their parents.  Questions such as:

a. What is a credible profession of faith?
b. Should unbaptized children take the Lord’s Supper?
c. What is the role of the church in evaluating a child’s readiness to be baptized and receive the Lord’s Supper?

The booklet is small, but it is also effective in helping move forward on what could otherwise be some confusing topics and questions.

These booklets are available at the Info Center in the lobby of the church.  If you did not receive one when we handed them out at church, please take advantage of this helpful tool.

2) Vital Life: The Sacraments – On November 21^st, we’re offering an entire Vital Life class on the Sacraments to view the Vital Life page click here.  While there will be some additional teaching on the subject, the bulk of the time will be set aside to field your questions.  As your pastors, we desire to take the time to be sure your questions are answered as we enjoy a fresh prominence in our practice of the sacraments.  We took time to study this topic and want you to do the same.  We want to be available to help in that however we can.

A couple of important things to remember with this class:

a. It will be held in the Whitefield room – the downstairs level of the children’s wing.
b. Please do not use the lobby to enter.  If you park on the far side of the parking lot, you can enter the Whitefield directly from the outside.  The sidewalk in front of the church wraps around the building to take you to this door.

Admission to the class is free, but we’re asking you to register so we can know how many people to expect.  You can register here.

By Rob Flood

On Tuesday evening, Covenant Fellowship Church hosted Fight Night: 3 Rounds to Conflict Resolution: an event designed to help married couples address conflict in their relationships.  (The messages from Tuesday night will be posted no later than Monday, November 9th, and can be found here.

In his helpful tool called “A Test for Arguing Wisely,” Andy Farmer gave four categories to keep in mind when entering or actively involved in conflict.  You’ll find those categories and a sampling of his questions below.

1. Be trustworthy; attack the problem, not the person
Proverbs 20:6 (ESV) Many a man proclaims his own steadfast love, but a faithful man who can find?

- Do I resist bringing up past failures in present situations?
- Do I resist exaggerating or using universal language? (always/never)

2. Be humble
Proverbs 11:2 (ESV)  When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom.

- Do I resist turning an argument into a courtroom to win my case?
- Am I willing to acknowledge my sin once I see it, even if my spouse isn’t owning theirs?

3. Be self controlled
2 Tim. 1:7 (ESV)  For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

- Do I seek to keep a calm, reasonable tone of voice and let the other person complete their thoughts when we argue?
- Am I committed to using objective, biblical language when I speak in conflict.

4. Work Toward Reconciliation
Matthew 5:23-24 (ESV)  So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you,  leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.

- Am I committed to resolving arguments through clear statements of confession and forgiveness?
- Am I committed to inviting the perspective of a trustworthy friend into our conflicts if we are having trouble resolving them?

Conflict is a very revealing thing.  It reveals those things about which we are most passionate.  It reveals how far we’re willing to go to get them.  And it reveals how well we understand the seriousness of our sin, our need for forgiveness, our need for Christ, and the usefulness of the gospel of grace.

These four categories will not, in themselves, solve your conflict problems.  They will, however, foster an environment in your relationship where the real solution will gain traction and flourish.

By Andy Farmer

Dwayne Bennett, who does a wonderful job (with his wife Toni) overseeing our Children’s Ministry, sent the following email to Mark Prater with their observations about some of our kids. 

This 8th Grade class has been very responsive to God's moving in their lives both at Youth Camp and at the Cross Culture meetings.  When Toni and I were discussing the 8th Grade response at Youth Camp she made the observation that this is the first class that has had God's Story in Promise Kingdom from Preschool through 6th Grade.  I don't want to take credit from God for their response to the Gospel...  I just want to point out that God may have chosen to use God's Story in their lives in the last 9 years of Sunday morning Children's Ministry.
 
While this group of kids were in the 6th Grade Promise Kingdom class, a few of the Teachers mentioned to me that this group had well thought out questions and rather mature answers to questions posed to the class.  Again, I don't want to try to take away from what God is doing in the lives of this class by pointing out that God's Story may have played a significant part.
 
Thanks,
Dwayne

Dwayne is right on when he cautions against seeing any particular program or leadership approach as capable of producing true spiritual fruit.  But God uses means to accomplish his purposes, and the God’s Story curriculum was developed as a means to show the riches of God’s grace in the Gospel as displayed throughout the entirety of God’s word.  God’s Story is a practical application for our kids of Paul’s words to the Colossians,

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.  (Col. 3:16)

So we can just as rightly give thanks to God for the curriculum (and it’s author, Marty Machowski), for the teachers and helpers who make it come alive each week for the kids, and for the parents who draw God’s Story into their families through the devotionals and in everyday conversation.  When Gospel centered resources are put in play, we should expect spiritual fruit over time. 

If you aren’t familiar with God’s Story and how it can serve your family, check it out on our web site HERE.

By Rob Flood

Several years ago, I was sitting at a table with Gina’s extended family following the death of a family member.  For hours…literally…they told stories about the loved one who had passed.  These stories happened long before I came on the scene…in places I had never been…and with people I had never met.  But something wonderful happened that night.  I fell in love with those people and relived their memories with them.  Though I was relatively new…I belonged there…and it was simply wonderful.

We have not just had a funeral, but a celebration of 25 years as a church.  However, when you look at this past week through the eyes of people relatively new, there are many similarities in what I experienced back then.

This past week, Gina and I heard stories from places we had never been…about events that occurred long before we arrived on the scene…and some were about people we had never met.  You know what happened…we fell deeper in love with Covenant Fellowship Church this week as we relived your memories with you.  Though we are relatively new…we belong here…and it is simply wonderful.

Yet, there is one glorious difference worth pointing out.  Many of the people from the stories so long ago are still here today.  We know you…we already loved you…and now we feel as though we know you more.  We tasted just a bit of what has made you the men and women of God you are.  The people who influenced you…the trials that shaped you…the sacrifices you made.

If our “new” eyes can serve you in any way, perhaps this is the best way.  Would you give us the privilege of pointing out something you may not know?  Thanks.

Your experience at Covenant Fellowship Church is an uncommon one.  Not uncommon from others at Covenant Fellowship Church, but uncommon in the broader experience of church that many have.  Following the celebration Saturday night, Gina and I mused over where we’ve been.  We’ve been to churches…too many churches…that have all loved Jesus and all been faithful to preach a pure gospel.  These have been good churches…but nothing like Covenant Fellowship Church.

There is an aroma here that is unlike anywhere else we’ve been.  It’s not the carpet or the HVAC system.  And, to be totally honest, it’s not even you…the people.  It is the aroma of Christ IN you.  It is the aroma of the Holy Spirit, who is free to roam where He may and do as He pleases in this church.  We’re convinced, in spite of the shortcomings of the pastors, that the aroma is just a sniff of the aroma of heaven.  There, the saints will gather, in unity, to glory in the Lamb who was slain.  To magnify the name of Jesus.  And to experience the goodness of godly fellowship.

We know a bit more about where Covenant Fellowship Church has been and what has made you who we are as a church.  We are also aware that there is much we don’t know.  We’ve just tasted snippets of the faithfulness of God to this place. 

But, this much we know…GOD HAS BEEN FAITHFUL.  We stood there Saturday night bouncing our eyes between the videos and you.  We bounced our eyes between the bands and you.  With the utmost honesty…our greatest joy in the museum and Saturday night was not in the artifacts or the videos or the music.  It was in watching you: your conversations, your faces, your tears and your laughter. 

Do you know what we saw when we looked at you this week?  We saw worship.  We saw gratitude.  We saw a people who know they are small but serve a God they know to be great.  We love the people of this church because we love the God we see manifest in the people of this church.

Happy Anniversary, Covenant Fellowship Church.  We are humbled to be counted among you.

By Rob Flood

I don’t want to be a perennial skeptic, but you’ll excuse me if I don’t leap for joy when I read a headline like “The Secret to a Happy, Healthy Marriage” from a news agency.  Yet, there it was.  An international news agency reporting on a report from the UK that has discovered the secret to our marital concerns and woes.

Right now, you may be hoping that the report has finally validated that one main area of change you’ve been for.  You know, the one you want to happen…in your spouse?  Or, you may be filled with fear that the secret…THE secret…is the one area you don’t want to change at all.

Could it be communication?  How about intimacy?  Maybe it’s a balanced diet or drinking filtered water?  What has this study in the UK found to be the secret to a happy, healthy marriage?

You guessed it:  separate beds.

Here’s what they say:

If you’ve ever wondered what the secret is to a long, happy and healthy marriage – the answer may be as simple as having separate beds, one sleep expert claims.

Not only will a couple escape arguments over blanket-hogging and non-stop tossing and turning — but they will have a proper night's rest and be healthier for it, Dr. Neil Stanley, the consultant who set up sleep laboratories at U.K.'s Surrey University, said.

"Poor sleep is bad for your physical, mental and emotional health," he said. "It increases the risk of stroke, heart disease and divorce."

Now, I’m all for a good night sleep.  I even encourage it.  But sheer common sense says that the solution to a happy, healthy marriage can’t be the same as the answer for a head cold.  And if common sense isn’t enough, perhaps the weight of Scripture might sway the dear doctor:

~ Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. (Philippians 2:3-4)

~ However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. (Ephesians 5:33)

~ What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. (James 4:1-2)

Perhaps there are other redemptive behaviors that would help in addition to a good night sleep.  Activities such as praying together, confession, praying for each other, living before others, gathering together with God’s people in worship.

I’ve met many well-rested couples whose marriage was in a shambles.  But, a couple who is willing to do these things will surely be healthy, if not always happy.

So, in humility, might I suggest an alternative “secret” to a happy, healthy marriage?  By all means, get sleep.  But for a happy and healthy marriage, embrace the gospel and serve the God who gives us this good news.  And if the nighttime movement disturbs you, rather than two twins, consider a queen or a king bed.

By Ramona Doyle

“This is war!”  The battle-cry pierced the early morning stillness.  If anyone was still sleeping, they certainly weren’t any more.  The conflict?  …Not what you might think!  This was another battle in our family war against the onslaught of stink bugs that have steadily invaded our home since we unknowingly imported them into our house several months ago in an innocuous box of Christmas decorations.  Thanks to one of my eagle-eyed sons, the 1,000th stink bug had just succumbed to the fight.  Well…maybe not the 1,000th…but it sure seemed that way!

It’s hard to miss these crafty little infiltrators…every time we turn around one seems to be staring us in the face!  But there are other infiltrators in our home that can be much less obvious, and before we know it we can find ourselves loosing a battle we never knew we were fighting.  Our family’s biggest battle, perhaps, is the battle for time—the time we have together can so easily fall victim to the legions of activities that all vie for attention.  Without careful attention and planning, they can infiltrate and devour most of our waking minutes.

We want our children to grow to love the Lord and his ways.  We want our family culture to impact our children more strongly than the culture of the world.  And we want our children to be prepared to stand in a world that is increasingly hostile to much of what we hold dear as believers.  Fortifying our children’s hearts with truth and wisdom, pointing them to our glorious Savior, and building a strong and vibrant family culture all require intentionality and time.

I’ve found that as a wife and mother I can play a unique roll in helping my husband in this area.  I can not only help my husband make time; I can help him make it count.  I can help create an atmosphere and tone to our family life that makes our home an oasis where our kids delight to spend time.  Here are some strategies I’ve found helpful:
 
1.      Regularly evaluate family priorities with your husband.

2.      Be an encourager…regularly highlight God’s activity in the lives of each family member.

3.      Pray for your children and be alert for opportunities to bring the Gospel into the situations of their lives.

4.      Prioritize relationships over the need to “get things done” as you care for your family.

5.      Seek creative ways to make the mundane special.  One night when I forgot to defrost meat for dinner and made eggs & pancakes instead, I called it “second breakfast” (hobbit style!) and it was such a hit that it has become a regular anticipated tradition in our home!

6.      Involve your children in helping plan & prepare for some of your family nights.  They will be instantly invested in the time.

And don’t forget to enjoy your children—they are a gift from the Lord!  “…Children are a heritage from the Lord…blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!”  (Psalm 127:3-5)

 

By Rob Flood

 

When our children are small, protecting them from influences, from both the inside and the outside, is a bit easier.  We choose their friends, they activities, and when they can to both.  As they grow older, though, not only does protecting them become more difficult, but those who would attack them seem to grow in number and in strength.

 

The posture to protect reflects a wonderful heart for the health and happiness of our children.  Yet, it does not always serve what is best.  And, often, we make a fatal mistake as parents when dealing with the idols in our children’s lives: we take them personally.

 

We make the mistake of thinking that the idols that create problems in our children’s lives are about us. When their love for sloth surpasses their love for work, they underachieve. And we think that their failure to carry their weight in our home is about us. When their love for self surpasses their love for siblings, they attack. And we think that their failure to seek peace is about us. Their love for lust surpasses their love for purity, they compromise. And we think that their failure is an indictment on our leadership.

 

When we do, it is as though we are sitting at a table across from them with the idol in the middle.  When we look at each other, our vision is distorted because we only see the other through the idol.  We can’t see them clearly…and they can’t see us clearly.  Our posture, our vision, and our purpose are all distorted because we are positioned against them on the battlefield of the idol.

 

But if we are wise enough to pick up our chair and carry it to the other side of the table, alongside our teen, the game changes completely.  Now, we can see each other clearly.  Now, our relationship is not defined by this idol we’ve both taken so personally.  No…now we are able to see what they’re seeing and help them to see it rightly.  Rather than taking their struggle personally, we join them as a compassionate fellow sinner in the battle against the idol.

 

This removes the controlling power the idol wants.  And, in time, taking the right seat at the table makes room for the gospel to be the centerpiece of the table.  In the end, the Word of God has its rightful place, the idol has been put in its rightful place, and your relationship with your teen is defined far more by compassion than by opposition.

 

So, here are a few questions for you as you assess this:

 

1. What is the current centerpiece of your conversations with your teen?
2. What pattern of sin in their lives colors how your view them / assess them?
3. How would this change if you came around the other side of the table and came alongside them as a fellow sinner struggling against your own idolatries?
4. What 1 or 2 passages of Scripture could you begin to place at the center of these conversations?

 

The right seat at the table will not fix every problem…nor will it guarantee an easy conversation.  It will just remove the largest obstacle to fruitful communication.

By Rob Flood

 

In most well-intentioned marriages, the difficulties that arise are caused by the same thing.  And if that one thing can be addressed, thoroughly and realistically, lives and marriages become radically changed.  What the problem?  Most of us are in love with the wrong person.

 

Sure…we all struggle with loving ourselves more than anything or anyone else.  Selfishness is a permanent fixture in our hearts…whether it takes center stage or not is the battle.  But, by the grace of God, we are able to recognize selfishness and put it to death…or at least put it down for an 8-count every once in a while.

 

But I’m not talking about loving yourself.  No…the wrong person we love in most of our marriages is our spouse.

 

So many changes we seek to make in our marriage are crafted around our real and well-intentioned love for our spouse.  We want them happy…we want to love them in a way that they thoroughly enjoy.  Our motivation for our attempts to change is our love for our spouse. 

 

However, if you’re anything like me, the power that such love produces fluctuates… sometimes drastically.  It’s not that my love for my wife fluctuates…I genuinely and consistently love her.  The thing that fluctuates is the power that I can derive from that love to fuel change.  She’s a sinner and so am I.  My love for her cannot be trusted as a source or motivation for change or as a foundation of our marriage.  When it does, as wonderful as she may be, I’m in love with the wrong person.  The same is true of you.

 

The only love that can be trusted…that can be counted on as a foundation for my marriage…is the love between God and us. 

 

The love God has for us came sealed with a sacrifice that purchased us.  It came with the guarantee of his love for us in the person of his Holy Spirit.  He indwells us, powering and enabling all change. 

 

Our short-comings, failures, and sin in our marriages can all be traced back to our failure to love God as we ought.  And, if that is the origin of the problem, that must be the location of the solution.  When our efforts to love are dried up, again rejected, and nothing but mechanical, the answer is not loving your spouse more.  There is no power for change there.  There is no hope in that.  The answer is in loving your God more.

 

This is the whole point behind our marriages being gospel-centered.  It the is point behind loving your husband as unto the Lord…loving your wife as unto the Lord.  When we do so, we do it in the power God provides.  We do so in dependence.  We do so in faith.

 

This frees us as spouses to say “no” to loving ourselves.  It frees us to say “no” to using our love for our spouse as an inadequate foundation for our marriage.  And it frees us by providing a constant source of power and hope, realizing that no matter how we’ve failed, God is faithful to welcome sin-fallen husbands and wives, dust us off, fill us with his Spirit, and send us back into the game.

 

What is the one thing that, if addressed, would radically change our lives and our marriages?  It is turning from being in love with the wrong…and passionately pursuing being in love with the Right Person.

By Rob Flood

Each week, as I read through the headlines of daily newspapers and blogs, I keep an eye out for family topics.  Who knows what might end up being blog-worthy?  As I recently scanned some articles I had captured, there was a striking trend.  Here is a sampling of the headlines:

• Save the Planet: Have Fewer Kids
  • Point: Kids consume to many resources. 
• Having Babies Bad for Economy 
  • Point: Kids have ruined the economy.
• Number of Households with Kids Hits New Low
  • Point: Couples have wised up and found better forms of happiness.

Now, before you get yourself all upset, you’ve got to see this from the authors’ perspectives.  If this world is all there is and this planet must last for eternity, it makes sense at least posing some of these topics.  If our own personal happiness and comfort are primary and our riches paramount, it makes sense having these discussions.

After all, it wasn’t that long ago that having additional children actually increased the family income.  More children provided more labor for the fields.  Children were not a burden on the economy, but necessary for a healthy one.

Now, in our industrial, technological, and post-modern society, things have changed.  And, if pragmatism is going to win the day, then less children may be the best solution.

However, much to the chagrin of our newspaper authors, pragmatism will NOT win the day.  You see, as we evaluate our own lives and make our own decisions, we do not make them for this world.  There is another world, the right world, that holds our treasure and forms our perspective.

The God of the Bible…the God of the universe…tells a different story.  He says to us:

• Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. (Matthew 6:19-21)
• The LORD does not let the righteous go hungry. (Proverbs 10:3)
• For every beast of the forest is mine, the cattle on a thousand hills. I know all the birds of the hills, and all that moves in the field is mine. (Psalm 50:10-11)

And then, lest you think that applying this to children is a stretch, this providing God removes all doubt:

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! (Psalm 127:3-5)

Children…bad for necessary resources?  …bad for happiness?  …bad for the economy?  Well, that all depends on which one you’re living for. 

And as for those who write such columns…don’t be upset with them.  Pray for them…that they would have the eyes of their hearts opened so that they could live with the right world in view.

By Rob Flood

“To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.”

 

“Until death do us part” means something more…something greater…than staying together until you die.  Yes, it means that, but the vows of love made at a wedding surely are intended to be carried out in a way that honors love and reflects the fruit of the gospel.  While there is something admirable about a husband and a wife finishing together, it is far better…and God-honoring…if they finish well together. 

 

Enter Jonathan and Sarah Edwards.

 

Jonathan and Sarah Edwards had a marriage that was known for its unique sweetness, kindness, and sentiment.  His love for her was well known…and well documented.  So, how does such a great theologian, wonderful pastor, and deep thinker face the end?  Is there grace even for this marriage vow?

 

As he approached his final days, Jonathan Edwards sent a letter to his family with his youngest daughter, Lucy, as its carrier.  Contained within this letter were the following words:

"Dear Lucy, it seems to me to be the will of God, that I must shortly leave you; therefore give my kindest regards to my dear wife, and tell her, that the uncommon union, which has so long subsisted between us, has been of such a nature, as trust is spiritual, and therefore will continue for ever. And I hope she will be supported under so great a trial and submit cheerfully to the will of God. And as to my children, you are now like to be fatherless, which I hope will be an inducement to you all, to seek a Father who will never fail you."

Shortly after Edwards sent his farewell to the wife to whom he was avowed, he turned his attention to the Savior of his soul:

 

"Now where is Jesus of Nazareth, my true and never-failing Friend?"

 

Finally, on March 22, 1758, he went to be with Jesus of Nazareth.

 

The picture, though, is not complete.  We know how Jonathan lived out his vow, until death do us part.  How would Sarah respond…would she have the same focus of appreciation, loss, and gratitude?  Would the gospel be as evident in her response as it was in Jonathan’s?  Her words speak for themselves:

"What shall I say? A holy and good God has covered us with a dark cloud. O that we may kiss the rod, and lay our hands upon our mouths! The Lord has done it. He has made me adore his goodness, that we had him so long. But my God lives; and he has my heart. O what a legacy my husband, and your father, has left us! We are all given to God; and there I am, and love to be."

 

The parting of husband and wife is never easy…it is never meant to be easy.   However, though not easy, it can be glorifying to God and it can be gospel centered.  The Edwards show us this.  The Scriptures declare it:

 

But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. (1 Thessalonians 4:13)

 

Responding to this Scripture, in his book When Sinners Say I Do, Dave Harvey writes:

 

We don’t grieve as those who have no hope, because we do have hope—amazing, captivating, exultant hope.  The resurrection of the Savior has guaranteed that.  The fire of gospel hope burns deep, even when we feel incapable of feeding it. (p.176)

 

God is the designer of marriage.  He is the sustainer of it.  It is his grace that sustains both husband and wife…until death does part.

By Rob Flood

 

“To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.”

 

Our wedding day was a happy one.  Much excitement and expectation.  Fancy clothes, fancy cars, and fancy parties.  On that day, we promised to be faithful, for better or for worse…but all we knew was better.  Who stands in the front of a church at their wedding envisioning the “worse” of the marriage vows?  And yet, we’ve promised before God and man.  So, when “worse” comes, what are we to do?

 

An Example

 

John Bunyan was a nonconformist preacher in the mid 1600s…a man of the Word and a lover of the gospel.  He was widowed with four children, one of whom was blind.  He then met and married his 2^nd wife, Elizabeth.  All of a sudden, this common but godly woman had 4 children under 10, one of whom had unique needs.  Though they remained poor, all seemed well.  Less than two years after their wedding, though, John was arrested for preaching the gospel.  Elizabeth was pregnant with their first child at the time, but the stress of the situation proved devastating to the little one.

 

For 12 years, this common but godly woman cared for her newly adopted family and fought valiantly for the release of her new husband.  On one occasion, as Elizabeth was being questioned by judges regarding John’s imprisonment, she was asked about her children.  Her reply…

 

"My lord, I am but mother-in-law to them, having not been married to him yet full two years. Indeed, I was with child when my husband was first apprehended; but being young and unaccustomed to such things, I being smayed at the news, fell into labor, and so continued for eight days, and then was delivered; but my child died."

 

And yet, she pressed on.  But what of John?  Though her thoughts and efforts were for John, were his equally for her?  Here is John in his own words:

 

The parting with my Wife and poor children hath often been to me in this place as the pulling of the Flesh from my bones; and that not only because I am somewhat too fond of these great Mercies, but also because I should have often brought to my mind the many hardships, miseries and wants that my poor Family was like to meet with should I be taken from them, especially my poor blind child, who lay nearer my heart than all I had besides; O the thoughts of the hardship I thought my Blind one might go under, would break my heart to pieces.

 

Both in anguish over their circumstances…both faithful.  They were faithful to each other and faithful to the gospel.  Upon his release, they were reunited and eventually enjoyed the blessing of having two children together.

 

When we say “I do” in the “better,” there is no way for us to know what the “worse” is or when it will be.  But it can often be encouraging to see the grace of God at work in someone else’s live…in someone else’s “worse.”  It can serve us as we are reassured of God’s faithfulness to us for the inevitable time when our “worse” arrives.  Thank God that he, too, is faithful…for better or for worse.

By Rob Flood 

" To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.”

 

Many of us say these words as young, healthy men and women full of professional and personal aspirations.  We mean them when we say them, but we make these vows with far more ignorance than knowledge.  And then the rest of our lives, as life overcomes our ignorance, we are called upon to keep the promises we made.

 

When life becomes difficult, knowing what to do isn’t often the biggest challenge.  We remember our vows…we know what to do.  The greater challenge comes in knowing how to do it.  How do you keep a promise that you made when you had no idea how costly those promises would become?  Sometimes, all we need is an example to follow.

 

An Example

 

B.B. Warfield was a seminary professor, theologian, and prolific writer.  At the outset of his ministry, with opportunity filling his future, he married his love, Annie Pearce Kinkead.  Shortly after their wedding, though, Annie became incapacitated and grew to be something of a recluse…eventually being bed-ridden.

 

What was this great, young, promising theologian to do?  Warfield would have been expected to travel much in his work.  How could he do that and care for his wife in her frail condition? 

 

Kim Riddlebarger writes about Warfield:

 

[Warfield] was to spend the rest of their lives together giving [Annie] "his constant attention and care" until her death in 1915.  B. B. Warfield could not have foreseen just how constant and difficult a demand this was to become, and how, in the providence of God, this would impact his entire career…

 

According to most accounts, Dr. Warfield almost never ventured away from her side for more than two hours at a time. In fact, he left the confines of Princeton only one time during a ten-year period, and that for a trip designed to alleviate his wife's suffering which ultimately failed…

 

In the mysterious providence of God, it was the nature of his wife's illness and his devotion to her, that ironically provided the greatest impetus for his massive literary output. Personally vital and energetic, "he did not allow" his wife's illness "to hinder him in his work. He was intensely active with voice and pen."

 

Warfield was not directed by his career ambitions…as Godward as they were.  He was not motivated even by his wedding vows…though clear and binding, they lacked the power to sustain him.  Warfield was motivated by the wonderful goodness of God’s sovereignty.  At rest in the hands of the Father, Warfield allowed the path of his life to be redirected.  He remained faithful…not just to his work…not just to his spouse…but faithful to his God.  There, sustaining power is never ending.

 

Some of you have been facing the reality of your wedding vows in a more tangible way.  What does it look like to keep those vows you made so long ago?  While there are many examples of faithful spouses in the face of sickness, we all have at least one in common now.  Such faithfulness can only be achieved through the One who is faithful to his people.

Editor’s Note:  Quotes were taken from “One Productive Life” – A Short Biography of  B. B. Warfield made known to me through Justin Taylor’s blog. 

By Deb Demi

Sometimes, I want my kids to be hypocrites.  Well, that's not really what I want, but sometimes I have a desire for them to look good and act godly even if it's just on the outside. When I see ungodly behavior or even a lukewarm spirit in one of my children, my heart can jump into fear mode.  When I don't see them raise their hands in worship...when they seem to have no desire for the Word...when they lack respect for authority, speak disrespectfully, arrive late to church, don't want to attend Cross Culture, or get into trouble...I can respond in fear rather than in faith. 

What does this fear look like in me?  I begin to worry and to feel hopeless - wondering if God will ever grip their hearts. Then in response to these feelings, I act as if God needs my help.  I abandon my trust in God and nag, manipulate, yell, plead, mope and sinfully compare instead.  And I trick myself into thinking that God will be sympathetic to my fear instead of seeing it as sin.

Obedient, respectful, and polite children might make our lives easier and less stressful…and that’s not all bad.  However, what we really want are children whose hearts are gripped by the Lord.  I don't really desire for my kids to look wonderful on the outside yet be far from their Savior. I don't desire for my kids to be motivated to act godly because I'm nagging and threatening them.  I want my kids to act godly because God has worked in their hearts.  My desire is that they would glorify God with their lives because of their gratitude to the One who has saved them.  But that gratitude can only come from God.

So what do we do when we're tempted to fall into fear?  

 

~   Look at Jesus' Example.  Even when His disciples did not seem to respond to truth, Jesus did not fall into fear but continued to do what God entrusted Him to do by faithfully teaching, training, encouraging and occasionally rebuking them. He knew that illuminating the truth was a work of God.  And, when the Holy Spirit did come and their eyes were opened, everything that Jesus had taught them suddenly made sense.  These hopeless-looking men became men who changed the world for Christ.  In the same way, our faith-filled efforts to train, teach, encourage and rebuke our children will not be wasted.  When the Holy Spirit opens their hearts to the gospel, they will remember the truths they were taught. 

~   Entrust Them to God.  As parents, we have a unique privilege to bring our kids before the throne of grace and entrust them to the One who is able to make blind eyes see (Is. 29:18), to breathe life into dead bones (Ezek. 37), and to bring a whole nation out of Abraham who was as good as dead (Heb. 11:12).  I'm walking in faith when, instead of using sharp words, I ask God to deal with their hearts and then choose to speak kindly. Instead of inwardly fretting, I can pray that God would do immeasurably more than all I ask or imagine.

I know that God is calling me to greater faith for my children.  He is calling me to stop parenting out of fear and start parenting out of the strength of real faith.  As a result, I’m being called to fully entrust my children's hearts to His goodness, mercy and love. I wonder if He might not be calling you to the same thing.

Editor’s Note: For more reading on the issue of faith versus fear, here's an article by Carolyn Mahaney called "Effective Mothering is Born of Faith Not Fear."

By Rob Flood

In our most sober moments, we would all agree that communication is important in marriage.  How much communication might be up for dispute, but learning to communicate well and on a variety of issues can go a long way in preventing and resolving marital conflict.

So, in FPU we learn to talk about our finances.  In Vital Life, we learn to talk about our prayer lives.  In Fellowship Groups, we learn to talk about our sin.  There is one thing that sets the marriage relationship apart from all others.  (Not just one thing…but one BIG thing nonetheless.)  So…are we talking about sex?

When was the last conversation you had about money?  When was the last conversation you had about Christ?  Now…when was the last conversation you had about sex?

Far too frequently, sex is a taboo topic.  We may engage in marital intimacy, but we don’t often discuss marital intimacy.  And what are the consequences?

1. Our marital intimacy is not all it could be.  There are expressions of intimacy that you desire, but if you never talk about it, you’ll never know if your spouse agrees or might want the same thing.  Or, perhaps the opposite is true.  Perhaps something is happening in the marital bed that you are uncomfortable with.  But rather than discuss it, you avoid intimacy or hope upon hope that he or she doesn’t do that thing tonight.  Opening the topic of sex up for discussion can avoid all of this and make intimacy a joy for both spouses.
2. Non-sexual elements of our marriages suffer.  When couples struggle with intimacy, bitterness can find root.  “She doesn’t understand how important this is to me.”  “He doesn’t care what matters to me.”  Then, for no real reason, an accidental bump while emptying the dishwasher becomes a big deal.  Thoughtless remarks escape our mouths about the silliest and stupidest things.  We know that they’re silly and we don’t even want to be in conflict over them.  The bitterness takes us by surprise, but it is very real.  Where does it come from?  Trace it back to the root.  Talking about the struggles or difficulties you are having in the bedroom can serve the rest of your marriage.
3. Sex becomes too important in our perspectives.  If we don’t talk about sex as a regular topic in our marriages, it can grow to be a colossal issue in our own minds.  Last year, I wrote a blog that defined the role that sex ought to play in a healthy marriage.  (You can read it by clicking here.)  We do not fix other legitimate problems in our marriage by “jazzing up” our sex lives.  A vibrant sex life ought to flow from a “jazzed up” marriage.  But if we are silent on the topic, with no platform or opportunity to share, we run the risk of losing this helpful balance.

So, while you actively discuss topics such as finances or parenting, consider cracking the seal on a conversation on marital intimacy.  It is a gift of God to marriages…that must be stewarded.  So…steward away.

Editors Note: The purpose of these conversations are to foster mutual enjoyment and respect in marital intimacy.  No venue or discussion should be used to manipulate a spouse to take part in something that he or she is uncomfortable with.  Remember, the goal in these discussions is to edify your spouse and serve your marriage…not edify yourself and serve yourself.

 

By Rob Flood

Life lessons are often trapped within the mundane…the ordinary…the common. 

A couple of weeks ago, I was putting clean sheets on our bed.  I had just begun putting on the fitted sheet when Gina came walking by.  Seeing what I was doing, she pulled away from where she was headed and started to help.  She didn’t ask if I wanted help and I didn’t ask for the help…she just jumped in and helped.  Though I was perfectly happy to do it myself, I was thankful for the help.

Blogworthy?  Does this profound event rise to the level of message illustration?  Well, judge for yourself.

There are heroes around us, busy with the labor of the ordinary day.  But for them, the ordinary day is something extraordinary for us.  I’m talking about the single parents in our midst.

Though they may desire for their circumstances to change, they are happy to be serving their children and love them deeply and sacrificially.  Yet, when they put on the fitted sheets of their lives, they do it alone.  You won’t often hear them complaining about the additional load they have to carry.  In fact, if your experience is anything like mine, they have experienced the goodness and grace of God at a deeper level than we have.

They’re not begging for help.  But what if…what if someone came along and just started in on helping them?  What if another family decided to fold them into the fabric of their own lives.  I can’t predict all the fruit but I can predict at least one result:  they would be alone no more.

It would not replace the void left by another parent, but it would go a long way to making the work more joyful.  Why?  What is the need?

~   Others’ Eyes:  If my family was to lock our door to the outside, at least we would have two adults’ eyes on our children.  At least two perspectives.  This is not the case with single parents.  Unless others step in and help, they are left only to their own eyes.  And how deeply most single parents desire others’ eyes on their children.  We can provide that.

~   Others’ Shoulders:  God’s grace is powerful.  And God has a special heart for single parents.  He provides sufficient strength for the calling to which they’ve been called.  But wouldn’t it be a relief if someone stepped in and helped them carry it from time to time?  If my heart felt gratitude in the light burden of putting on a fitted sheet, how much more would a heart feel gratitude for the indescribably challenging burden of parenting on your own. 

~   Others’ Prayers:  Sometimes just knowing that someone else knows what is burdening me brings me comfort.  I know that those friends will pray for me and that serves my heart.  As families fold single parents into the fabric of their own homes, households pray for each other and struggles appear less bleak.

All we need are eyes to see single parent families, hearts that feel compassion, and ears that hear the promptings of God.  So, if I may be bold with you for a minute, look around.  Do you see any single parent families?  If so, do you feel compassion for the struggles they face?  If so, is God prompting you to come alongside them?  It may be you who God is calling to use so that they labor alone no more.

By Rob Flood

About a year ago, I read a blog by Tim Challies posted his blog: www.challies.com.  Typically, Tim’s blog focuses on the doctrinal landscape of the contemporary church.  While I cannot say I always agree with his take on things, I can say that I regularly read his blog and enjoy it very much.  On this particular day, though, he left behind the theological issues and wrote about a parenting event in his own life.  My heart was cut to the quick with encouragement and conviction.

I’ve posted the blog in its entirety below along with the link to read it at his site.  May we find ourselves always thinking long term in our parenting.  And may it guide the words we use…and the opportunities we seize.

Got To Get To
Tim Challies

My children have been behaving a little bit strangely at bedtime in recent days. My son tends to be melancholy in the evenings at the best of times but recently has been getting worried as soon as we tuck him into bed. Two nights ago he was concerned that the Sith were going to attack him (how he even knows who the Sith are is beyond me) and last night he was worried that the Japanese were going to invade Canada (I guess he has been reading about the Second World War). I assured him that the Japanese were not going to invade our country but he replied, “Well, they snuck up on Hawaii without the Americans noticing!” This much is true. His little sister feeds off his worries and almost inevitably ends up creating her own.

It generally happens that, by the time we tuck the children into bed, Aileen and I are ready to be done with them for the day. It may sound harsh, but by the end of a long day, we are more than eager to spend an hour or two by ourselves in the living room before also heading for bed. The last thing we want is a parade of children up and down the stairs and a chorus of cries asking us to come upstairs to mediate one problem or another.

Last night, a good hour after I put my daughter to bed, and as I settled into the couch to continue reading through Iain Murray’s biography of Martyn Lloyd-Jones, I heard a cry of “Daddy!” I went to the bottom of the stairs and asked what she wanted. “Will you come and cuddle me?” she called out. I thought about it for a moment and eventually told her that she should already be asleep and that I was not going to come up and cuddle her. Thankfully she soon drifted off and slept well.

As I thought about it a little bit more I realized that I did not want to cuddle her, at least in part, because I had to. I was looking at it as a “got to” situation: “I’ve got to cuddle her.” And I rebelled. It didn’t take me long to regret my decision. She is going to be with us for so few years and for many of those she will no doubt have no desire to cuddle me. And is it so bad for a five-year old to want a cuddle (or another cuddle) before bed? The more I thought about it, the more this seemed like a “get to” situation: “I get to cuddle her.”

It’s funny the difference made by that one little letter. Throughout my life I’ve struggled with the got to’s and the get to’s. Church can seem like a “got to” obligation, but it is so much sweeter when I face it as if it is a “get to” privilege. My morning devotions can often feel like a “got to” but I enjoy them so much more when I treat them like a “get to.” Rather than having to face the Bible and prayer in the morning, I see them as an enjoyable privilege. It often makes all the difference in a mind as feeble and sinful as mine.

When Abby stumbled down the stairs this morning, squinting through barely-awake eyes, her hair all askew, I grabbed her up in a big hug and settled onto the couch with her for a few minutes of cuddling. It is something I get to do, at least for a few more years. It was my privilege and my pleasure.

http://www.challies.com/archives/articles/personal-reflections/got-to-get-to.php

By Rob Flood

 

Recently, one of my children was skimming the top of a pool with a skimmer.  The pole must have been about 10 feet long.  While having his concentration fully engaged on the pool, he was oblivious to the long stretch of pole behind him.  With no malicious or pre-meditated intent, he nearly knocked two children into the pool.  Thankfully, no one got pushed in.

 

But it did make me think of the damage we can cause when we are reckless or careless…even unintentionally.  A recent study[1] done at Simmons College in Boston tracked the wide-reaching affects that conflict has on children who witness it.

 

Researchers found that adolescents who reported increased family arguments at age 15 had an increased risk of major depression, alcohol abuse/dependence, drug dependence and antisocial behaviors at age 30, compared with peers who didn’t report more family arguments. And those with more family strife had twice the risk for being unemployed as adults.

 

Those who reported exposure to family violence by age 18 were significantly more likely than peers to have a mental disorder, drug or alcohol abuse or dependence, lower self-esteem, and lower overall life satisfaction at age 30.

 

We can sometimes fool ourselves into thinking that our conflict only impacts those we aim it at.  But selfishness and anger, which lie at the root of our conflict, are not instruments of precision.  They are not highly accurate rifles.  Conflict functions much more like a hand grenade. 

 

When we throw it at our opponent, our enemy, shrapnel flies in every direction often inflicting pain and damage on unintended targets.  And, too often, those are our children.

 

Yet our conviction and sorrow over the damage we cause our children don’t often cause us to adjust the problem.  Many times, we work hard to exchange our grenades for precision instruments of anger.  This is not the answer.  What are we to do is our conflict is hurting those around us?  …work at peace.

 

We might declare that we are not the cause of the conflict.  We are simply married to someone who fights with us all the time.  Maybe we think it is the fault of our contentious teen.  Well…maybe.  But Romans 12:18 removes the blame game altogether.

 

 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.

 

If there is no other channel, be the channel of God’s grace into your home.  Allow the young standers-by to observe and experience grace as they see it in you.  Don’t pull the pin on the anger grenade.  Lay down the sniper’s rifle. 

 

Not only will this have a profound impact on your own joy. …not only will this impact your marriage.  But this will also have an immeasurable impact on your children…now and into their future.

 

 

By Marty Machowski

 

Last year, the family behind our house put up a swing set/play house but could not then install the swings until they replaced one missing support. Our daughters had already begun enjoying the slide and monkey bars, so when I saw them working on the support board for the swing I went over to give them a hand.  It took a while to complete, but once the support board was in place, I called our daughters over to give it try.

 

We had to stop them once to tighten a few bolts but then they were off swinging away.  After about twenty minutes of swinging, my youngest daughter remarked, “This is better than computer games.” 

 

It hit me that “new” or “innovative” is not always best.  Sometimes, it is the ancient things…the things well worn and tried…that serve us best.  I’m not saying there is anything necessarily wrong with new things, with new innovation, or specifically with video games.

 

What I am saying is that my little girl perceived that swinging on a swing was better than computer games.  Our older children may discover that actually talking with friends may be superior to texting them…or communicating through Facebook.  And, parents, you may discover that a walk around the block or a good book is superior to the television show you’re accustomed to watching.

 

If the sun is shining, the grass of your lawn may be superior to the pile of your carpet.  The heat of the sun better than the heat off the computer.  And even the sweat of hard play better than the ease of being still.

 

Consider a summer that is filled with relational activities: trips to parks, tossed balls, walked blocks, Frisbees thrown.  Consider changing up some well worn family patterns.  Not because they’re wrong, but because they may not always be best.  Consider leaving some “new” and “innovative” ways for things that are well worn and tried.

 

This summer don’t be afraid to put a moratorium on computer games.  Your children might discover some other ancient technologies like, playing tag, wiffle ball, and hide-and-go-seek.  And they, too, may think that the ancient things are better than computer games.

 

For more helpful information on how to help your family embrace the “ancient technologies,” consider this article by Rob Flood found at the website for FamilyLife Ministries: 10 Ideas: Things to Do When You’re Not Watching TV

By Rob Flood

 

When I think of marriage and TV news, thoughts of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie come to mind.  Even recent headlines about Mel Gibson flash before my eyes.  Well, if you share these same flashes, I’ve got something different for you today.

 

KARK, a local station in Little Rock, AR experienced an up-close look at a wonderful moment.  Anchor Courtney Collins was the recipient of an “on-air” marriage proposal from fellow reporter, Pete Thompson.

 

Simple.  Eloquent.  Edifying.  Public.  For a little sentimentality, encouragement, and a walk down Memory Lane’s nearby off-shoot, Romantic Road, watch the video below.

 

 

(Our 4 years of living in Little Rock are only partially responsible for the Arkansas focus of this video.  One thing is for sure…local news down there is sure different than local news up here.)

By Rob Flood

In a culture that seeks to redefine the home around preference and correctness, it can be a challenge to set wise boundaries.  It can be a challenge to glean from the culture what is valuable while fending off at the same time all that is inherently negative.  There is one recent and noteworthy example in a Seattle woman named Edith Macefield.

Here is her home:

 

 Nothing impressive…nothing necessarily to brag about…but it’s hers.  As time wore on and the power of the culture began to have its effect on homes in the Seattle area, she would not budge.  Her convictions led her to defend her home in the hopes that she could live within her wise boundaries and enjoy her home for as long as she would like.

She was victorious.  She lived to the age of 86, living steadfastly within her boundaries…having defended her home from the cultural crawl of the world.

Throughout the course of her fight, the culture crept more and more closely to her home…but she would not be shaken.  Here is a picture of her home at the time of her death:

 

Ever feel like Edith?  You try and try to have a peaceful, Christian home but the pull of the culture is right in your backyard.  It’s out every window.  It’s across the street.  Well, take heart.  We have lessons we can learn from Edith.  We can learn courage, determination, conviction and resilience.  But most of all, we can learn steadfastness.

That shopping center that surrounds her house did not define her home.  She defined her home.  And by standing immovably upon her convictions, she was victorious. As believers, we have more power than a determined 86 year old woman.  We have the power of the Spirit.  He will not only lead us in conviction, nor only lead us to His promises.  He will provide the power we need to guarantee victory.

Our call?  Our duty?  To remain steadfast…filled with faith.  He will provide the victory for your home.

By Rob Flood

Have you ever noticed that marital conflict never ends where it began?  When a conflict starts, it may be about something careless word or thoughtless deed.  But when it ends, it somehow seems bigger…like more is at stake.  Why is that?  Let me suggest that more is at stake, and that is why it feels that way.

Whenever a couple enters conflict, suddenly “one flesh” feels at risk.  We are not meant to contend with one another...to be at war with ourselves.  So, when we are, it’s about far more than the subject matter…it’s about “us.”  It’s about “what we are.”  It’s about “who we are.”

And when this uncertainty, when this awkwardness is allowed to continue, it defines our relationship and infiltrates the rest of our lives.  Nothing really seems right when marital conflict is allowed to fester and unresolved marital tension is allowed to remain.

Enter: God’s Word!

Ephesians gives us such clear instruction here…non-compliance is nothing but naked sin.  God lovingly instructs us through Paul when he writes:

Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil. (Ephesians 4:26-27)

If we allow the sun to go down on our anger, it does far more than prolong a conflict…it gives an opportunity to the devil.  And once that opportunity is offered, it is most often accepted.  I hear you…I hear you.  “What if my spouse doesn’t want to resolve it before going to sleep?”

Enter: God’s Word!

Again, God instructs us through Paul when he writes 

If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. (Romans 12:18)

Our obedience is not contingent upon someone else’s obedience.  If you are angry…in conflict…so far as it depends on you, live at peace.  If your spouse is not open to it, you can then release the conflict to God and plead with Him on your spouse’s behalf.  I hear you…I hear you.  “What does that even look like?”

Enter: Sara Groves!

Sara Groves has a song about marital conflict on her album, “The Other Side of Something.”  I personally recommend the album if you like her music.  The song is below, but here’s the bottom line:  you take the initiative to resolve the conflict.  There are no guarantees of how it will turn out…but that’s not the point anyway.  The point is that your contribution is audibly owned, that you express your desire for peace, and that you release everything else to God.  Her song paints this so well.

Roll to the Middle

by Sara Groves

We just had a World War III here in our kitchen
We both thought the meanest things
And then we both said them
We shot at each other till we lost ammunition

This is how I know our love
This is when I feel it’s power
Here in the absence of it
This is my darkest hour
When both of us are hunkered down
And waiting for the truce

All the complicated wars
They end pretty simple
Here when the lights go down
We roll to the middle

No matter how my pride resists
No matter how this wall feels true
No matter how I can’t be sure
That you’re gonna roll in too
No matter what, no matter what
I’m going to reach for you

 

By Rob Flood

Sometimes opportunity knocks so loudly that you just have to answer the door. 

For many of us, there’s been a constant awareness of a chronic need and we’ve been asking for God to deliver a “can’t miss” solution.  Knock…knock…knock.

As a married couple or as a family, purposeful and meaningful time spent in the Word and in prayer can be a serious challenge.  We want to do it…we know we ought to do it…but how can we do it?  Knock…knock…knock.

The pastors have provided a study guide for the upcoming Sunday sermon series, Real Church.  In addition to the many helpful articles and summary sections, there are studies that have been crafted for each message that will be preached.  At just a few questions each, the studies provide an opportunity to interact with the text and the message on a deeper level. 

How can you use this beyond your personal time with God?  Here are just a few suggestions:

-         As a couple:  This study guide can provide structure for both husband and wife to join arms and both come under the Word of God.  By doing so, you will be able to process the message you’ve heard, discuss the passage in light of your personal circumstances, and open doorways to further spiritual conversation.  A jump start like this can be just what a marriage needs to begin to develop the dimension of spiritual conversation that God would have for a Christian marriage.

-         As a family:  If your children are older…in Junior High or High School…they, too, will have heard the Sunday message.  This guide provides a great opportunity to hear them speak of their own faith in their own words.  It also opens up a greater likelihood to hear their thinking in areas where they might not yet believe.  If your children are younger and in Children’s Ministry during the message, this serves as a great opportunity to fold them into what Mom and Dad are learning and share the truths you’ve heard and learned.

-         As a prototype:  After 15 weeks of practice, you’ll be better prepared to ask purposeful questions of each other in the future.  You’ll have an understanding of how to process teaching and preaching.  Using this study guide can literally transform every drive home from church you have from this day forward.  Rather than your conversation being consumed with where to do lunch, or even on how you “liked” the sermon, you can ask purposeful questions that will help you sow the message more deeply into your hearts.

As a pastoral team, we anticipate with great excitement how God will use Real Church to speak to us as a church.  That, in itself, is a wonderful thing.  Additionally, though, if you’ve been waiting for a “can’t miss” opportunity to come right up to your front door, then wait no longer.  Knock…knock…knock.

By Rob Flood

 

You may remember the account of the two women standing before King Solomon, both claiming to be the mother of the same baby boy. (1 Kings 3:16ff)  Each makes her case before the freshly crowned king, neither proving to be especially persuasive.  So, after recounting his confusion, Solomon commands the unthinkable: “Bring me a sword.”

 

Solomon’s proposal was to split the boy in half…that way, the women could share the boy.  Perhaps a less drastic “fair” proposal might have been shared custody, but Solomon was about the business of proving a point.  So Solomon chose the most extreme form of fairness.  While one of the women thought this was a fine idea, the other would have none of it:

 

Oh, my lord, give her the living child, and by no means put him to death.

1 Kings 3:26

 

Imagine…this woman was his rightful mother.  Yet, rather than take the way of “fairness,” she chose the way of “love,” at her own cost.  Because of her love for the boy, she would rather give him away and do without him than see him destroyed.  Of course, Solomon saw this maternal love and granted her full custody of the boy, delivering him from death.

 

This may cause you to think of another time where love surpassed fairness.

 

He does not deal with us according to our sins,
nor repay us according to our iniquities.

Psalm 103:10

 

The “fair” way to deal with fallen mankind is to sentence us to death…consign our fate to hell.  Could it be more fair?  After all, we’ve earned it.

 

For the wages of sin is death.

Romans 6:23

 

But God, from a place of love, chose to address the issue of fairness in another way.  Rather than settle it with each of us, on the account of our sins, He chose to settle it on the cross of Christ.

 

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son,

that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.

John 3:16

 

God has not dealt with us our of fairness…He has dealt with us out of love.  We all stand on the favorable side of the fairness equation.  We all stand indebted to a God of love.

 

So the next time your spouse says something unkind…or even inaccurate…you have a choice to act out of “fairness” or “love.”  The next time your children are clearly wrong, you have a choice to act out of “fairness” or “love.”  Will you act as one who is in the right?  Or will you act as one who is indebted to the love of a forgiving God?  Could this be what God meant when He inspired these words in Colossians 3:13-14?

 

Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other;
as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love,
which binds everything together in perfect harmony.

 

The near future is bound to present all of us with a time when we are in the right…when someone in our lives is clearly in the wrong.  Your heart may well up within you commanding the unthinkable: “Bring me a sword.”  Catch yourself and remember your own indebtedness to our loving God.  And remember that there really are times when love surpasses fairness.

 

 

Posted by Rob Flood

 

Some of us have decades behind us in our marriage and some have weeks. Some are excited about the road they’ve traveled…some devastated by it.  And some are eager for more while others can’t imagine traveling even one more step down the road.

 

Too often, in our potentially well-motivated desire to understand the road ahead, we can allow the past to define our future.  If the past is bright, we assume that the future will be.  If the past is bleak, then so too the future will be.  When we fall into that trap, we’ve lost sight of the central truth upon which the success or failure of the future rests…the presence of God.

 

Consider this quote from Love that Lasts by Gary and Betsy Ricucci:

 

Regardless of how many miles you’ve already traveled, so much of the glorious adventure of marriage is still before you.  Whether you are enjoying open road and clear skies, or whether you are struggling up yet another mountain in stormy weather…whether you are just pulling out of your driveway or nearly to the end of the trip home…God is there with you to help you finish the journey, and finish it well.

 

If the road behind you has been bright, are you able to see the hand of God preserving you on your journey?  If it has been bleak, can you see His sustaining and comforting hand?  He was there…each step of the way.

 

And He will be there for your next step.  The brightness or bleakness of the road ahead is not best determined by the circumstances.  It is determined by the nearness or farness of God.  And whether the skies are clear and sunny or overcast and stormy, God will be there.  He has promised to be.  He has a proven track record of being there in the past.  There was a man upon a cross upon a hill slain to purchase us for God.  He did not purchase you only to abandon you…or your marriage.

 

So, regardless of the condition of the road ahead, look for God.  He will be there leveling the path…and holding your hand as you navigate the rocks.  Don’t take my word on it…take His:

 

Just as I was with Moses, so I will be with you.

I will not leave you or forsake you.

Joshua 1:5

 

 

I am with you always, to the end of the age. 

Matthew 28:20

Posted by Rob Flood

 

On Saturday night, we had a wonderful time in the Word and in Q&A discussion as we pondered and applied our Family Life Values from our recent Sunday morning series. (You can listen to the messages HERE.)  One running theme through the night was how to keep marriage a priority in the midst of schedule and parenting demands.  Below are some of the ideas that were shared.

 

1. Date Night:  For those that have been a part of Covenant Fellowship Church for long, this is not a revolutionary idea…you’ve heard it quite a bit.  But we can never be reminded too often about its importance.  If you haven’t been around for long, here’s what we’re talking about.
   
   Take one night a week, or every other week, and devote it to each other.  It may involve leaving your home for a restaurant or coffee shop or staying home, but it is a night devoted to marriage.  The idea is to talk as adults…as husband and wife…not as mom and dad.  Recall the conversations you had before you were married…dreams, desires, goals…and add to that conversations you’ve had since marriage…romance, intimacy, communication…and revisit them all on date night.

 

2. Problem Solving Night: Pick one night a week or every other week to discuss major issues.  It may be a marital issue…it may be a big picture parenting issue.  By the very nature of it being big picture, there is no urgency to it.  Maybe it’s a pattern of behavior for the wife or husband…maybe a sin pattern with one of the children…save the big discussions over the issue for problem solving night.  That way, these bigger ticket items don’t crowd out other conversations.  They don’t pop up on date night or family night when fun should be the order of the day.
    
3. Family Night: “I thought we were talking about marriage.”  We are.  But many of you still have children in your home.  So, consider them.  Give them a night each week that is dedicated to them…for them to look forward to.  Make it a fun night…perhaps board games, or a fun family video, or a trip to the park.  Don’t make it expensive, as you’ll have to repeat it each week.  Do make it memorable and do make it child centered.  That way, as your children see you leaving on date night as a couple, they know they have their night, too. 
   
   And, once you start family night…stay faithful.  Don’t miss one.  You’ll be surprised at how quickly the children look forward to it.  And, you’ll be equally surprised at how willingly they release you to be a husband or wife if they know that you’ll be a mommy or daddy, too.
    
4. Modeling Marriage:  Perhaps the greatest way to prioritize marriage in your home is to model the priority of marriage.  Help your children see their father as a husband…their mommy as a wife.  Talk to each other as spouses in front of the children.  When the kids ask you to play, let them know that you want to serve mommy or daddy first, and ask them to join you in that.  If it is true that more is caught than taught, then we have a golden opportunity to teach about the priority of marriage as we model it…they will catch it more.

 

As we seek to prioritize marriage in our homes, we are all well served when we do it in community. Talk to others about what they do.  Help hold each other accountable …encourage one another in this area.  Confess known sin to each other and invite the input of other couples into your home…your family…your marriage.

By Andy Farmer

 

Editor’s Note:  At Saturday night’s Cross Culture Meeting, Andy Farmer gave the Extra Point (a time for parents of teens to apply the message they’ve just heard.)  The following is a summary of his comments.  You can listen to his full presentation as well as the message that  preceded his comments HERE.

 

Our teens are not little lumps of Play-Doh ready to be shaped into whatever identity God has for them.  Our identity is always being shaped by something…and so is theirs.  For Christians in general, and teens in Christian families, life is an identity crisis.  Whatever shapes us ultimately defines and identifies us.

 

As parents we are called to make sure the identity shaping influences of the world don’t become the identity defining influences in our teens lives.  To help in that task, here are three identity shapers that need to be on our radar.  These are just some of the things that are cluttering the airspace of our teens’ world.

 

1. Style is more identity shaping than Substance 

Style can be determined quickly, without time or investment.  Style says something about your teen immediately. Substance makes us think. Substance costs more.  It takes time.  Far from immediate, substance delivers a delayed payoff and is far more meaningful. 

 

Our identity in Christ is not about style; it is about substance …the deepest substance a person can experience. And it calls us to a life of faith…which is a lifestyle of delayed payoff.  If our teens are consumed with style as identity, a life of faith will be irrelevant.

 

As parents, we battle Style with Substance by learning to have “but why?” conversations.  With care, grace, and patience, we can walk our teens through the allure of style to discussions on substance.  By asking them why questions, they are forced to think beneath the surface.  By avoiding an accusatory tone, we free them to actually answer and enter into discussion.

 

2. Social Standing is more identity shaping than personal relationships 

Peer pressure is built on this. It leads the teen to say, “I care far more about what people think of me than who really knows me.”  It causes teens to become other things…things that will establish them in social standing.  The fleshly heart is driven by social climbing…and is influenced by others.

 

Our identity in Christ teaches us the opposite though.  It calls us to be influencers, not the influenced.  The world ought not define who we are to be.  Christ defines that and the world around us should be influenced by that.

 

As parents, we can help our teen as we hold the line on a biblical definition of friendship.  If we help our teens avoid using social standing as a replacement for friendships, we direct them toward Christ and away from the world.

 

3. Perceived bad things are more identity shaping than perceived good things 

The most life shaping experiences are not the good times, but the bad times. In the bad times, things are decided about ourselves, about the world, and about God.  These things set in our hears and shape us profoundly. 

 

This is why brushing off a crisis in our teens’ lives is so damaging.  Even if we think it is inconsequential, they perceive it as significant and are thus shaped by it.  If we fail to come alongside them, we stand a great chance of losing them to the identity of these bad things.

 

As parents, we help our teens by understanding their bad experiences in light of where they are in life, not where we are.  We feel things the way they would, not the way we would.  We are then positioned to help care for them in light of the gospel…because we will be applying it to where they sense the need.

Posted by Rob Flood

 

My grandmother’s purse was one of the most incredible objects in all of creation.  At times, we were sure it was Mary Poppins’ carpet bag.  It didn’t matter whether I needed a tissue or a vile of anti-venom…it was in there.  Ace bandages right next to a pack of Wrigley’s Doublemint gum…an air pump right next to her wallet.  Even though she walked with one shoulder clearly lower than the other…she was intentional and we all benefitted from it.

 

What if we took that type of intentionality with our children and grandchildren?  What would it look like for a grandparent to see their role in the lives of their grandchildren as purposeful…intentional?  Well, we have at least one glimpse.

 

The pastors recently received an email from Vince and Regina Rinchuiso.  In an effort to express their gratitude for our recent sermon series, they shared these thoughts with us:

 

We wanted to thank you for the current series on Family Life Values  these past weeks.   As  new grandparents we take this responsibility seriously and during a recent visit with our grandson Jude we took the opportunity to expose him to some “light” reading materials.

 

What a great example of grandparents wanting to build into the next generation.  They sent us a photo that I trust will communicate both their love for their grandson and a bit of their love for the Savior.

 

 

 

They concluded their email with this sentence: 

 

The earlier the better is our theory!

 

Well done, Vince and Regina.  And may this adorable snapshot provoke us all toward intentionality.  We’ll all benefit from it.

Posted by Rob Flood

As perfect as I thought marriage was going to be, I didn’t account for one important truth: I’m a sinner.  And, to be honest, I forgot another one: so is Gina.  And so, there we were…young, inspired, and in love…surprised that we each took our pride into our marriage.

With the wounding of our pride, apologies were slow to come and taking responsibility for our initial difficulties wasn’t something either of us was eager to do.  Now, 13 years later, we see the folly of our ignorance.  Yet, we still sometimes get caught up in our own pride and are surprised by the unavoidable reality of sin.

I find my own heart adjusted by a quote from J.R. Miller’s book formerly called Home-Making, now called The Family:

Pride must have no place in wedded life.  There must never be any standing upon dignity, nor any nice calculation as to whose place it is to make the apology or to yield first to the other…The pride that will never say, “I did wrong; forgive me,” is not ready for wedded life. (p.27)

-   Never any standing upon dignity: How we look in a given conflict or situation should not rise to the front of our minds nor the center of our hearts.  As husband or wife, we need to see this for what it is…pride.  Any concern for managing how we look in a given situation is what Miller means by standing upon dignity.  We’re called to a love that has less of “us” in it than that. 

-   Whose place it is to make the apology: Our pride is such a funny thing.  We can know with all certainty that we’ve committed an offense and still delay an apology because, according to our perception, our spouse’s offense is greater.  Oh how we deceive ourselves.

Pride does not readily say, “I did wrong.”  And it never allows itself to come humbly before another and ask forgiveness.  Which is why Miller says that pride must have no place in wedded life.  And yet, here we are, married and prideful.  What are we to do?

First, simply call it what it is…pride.  Learn to recognize it.  It has a harsh tone and a sour odor.  It often starts by tasting sweet, but always ends with bitterness on the palate.  Once you recognize it…track it.  If you’re anything like me, you’ll be surprised by how often it rears its ugly head.

Next, war against it through confession.  Confess to your spouse and your God each time you see, taste, or smell it.  Don’t tire of this good work…it is a tireless battle that demands courage and endurance.

Last, destroy it with humility.  Don’t wonder whose place it is to make the apology…jump on the opportunity to do it first.  Don’t seek ways to make yourself appear better…confess wrongdoing that your spouse would have no knowledge of without your confession.

Miller’s counsel is the most sound.  He says pride has no place in wedded life.  In other words, leave your pride at the door.  If you’ve allowed pride to come in the front door, then get tough with it and kick it out the back door…or a window.  Upon its demise, you will find that a far more tender love has come for the task of a God-centered marriage…for the glory of God.

Posted by By Rob Flood

An hour north of our former home in Little Rock is Wye Mountain, the location of an annual daffodil festival.  Acres and acres of nothing but wild daffodils overlooking the countryside.  Kneeling next to one for a closer look, you can hardly wrap your mind around how just one of those petals has been constructed. 

But you miss something of their beauty if you don’t stand up and look at the mountainside.  It’s simply a sea of gold.  Sure, the details of a closer look give insight into the beauty.  But the bigger picture, how each plays its role, is something grand to behold.

We’ve just finished our Family Life Series.  If you’re like me, there are moments that still linger on your soul.  And yet, sometimes it’s helpful to pull away from the details of each message and see the big picture.  So, let’s look at the big ideas from each message.

Message #1:     Family survival and success won’t happen if we are not resolved to build a family for the glory of God.

Message #2:     The foundational need of the family is to live under God’s word.

Message #3:     True family unity can only be achieved through our unbreakable union with Christ. The Gospel is the glue for the family.

Message #4:     We grow strong as families and as Christians when we embrace God’s view of life, resist the world’s enticing trap and overcome the world by grace.

Message #5:     God’s redemption of man is a generational plan.

Message #6:     The most important family is not the natural family but the spiritual family created by the advance of the Kingdom in the Gospel.

As I process the series, here are just a few themes that I as a husband and father will be dwelling upon and using to evaluate our home.

1. The Centrality of God: The importance of God in family life cannot be over stated.  In a nutshell…It is for His glory, according to His Word, possible because of His Son, designed for His purposes, according to His plan, resulting in His spiritual family.  This seriously informs how I lead my family.  And it seriously adjusts my heart when I think my family ought to be all about me…or all about my kids.  No…it can only rightly be all about God.

2. The Patience of God:  When I see how clearly God has laid out His plans and purposes for the family, I am struck to deep conviction at His patience and long-suffering with me.  How often we stray…how rare is our unhindered faithfulness.  And yet, God presses on…in love and compassion.  He is accomplishing all He desires in our homes...often despite us.

3.  The Wisdom of God:  It would be easy to listen to the series, see our shortcomings and be overwhelmed at the weight of it all.  He has indeed called us to be husbands and wives, parents and children; He has called us to be a family…and we must be faithful. 

But, at the heart of Jared’s closing message was a theme that ran throughout the series.  By God’s wisdom, we’ve been called TO a family.  As we face triumphs and failures at home, we don’t do it in isolation.  We live out our marriages and our families with each other.  But even more than that, we are building something bigger than our natural families.  We all play a part in the family of God…the only place where our own children become our brothers and sisters…where we call our Savior Brother…where we call God our Father.

As a husband and as a father, I am thankful for the Family Life Series because it did far more than equip me for my home.  It enlarged my vision of God.  If that was your experience, join me on my knees in thankfulness to a Father that loves His children by extending such grace our way.  When you take it all in, it is something grand to behold.

Posted by Rob Flood

With the recent addition of Financial Peace University to our offerings of equipping and outreach, getting out of debt has risen as an important goal in the stewardship of our lives. And rightly so. Freedom from debt is freedom indeed.

But there is a debt we can never get out of…and we ought to stop trying. Though our homes are still full of sinners, many of our homes enjoy ongoing fruit of the gospel. It works its way through our own lives, through our marriages and then through our homes. It grows, despite our efforts, and bears fruit.

Jared’s message this week got me thinking along these lines. How, in our homes, are we vulnerable to drift from the gospel? I think it is a common trap for married Christians to allow the gospel to become secondary. When there is conflict, or when there is a difference of opinion, or when lives somehow begin to grow independent of each other, we can rely on a variety of things…in place of the gospel.

We can rely on our communication skills. If we just say something in the right way, or at the right time, things will be okay.

We can rely on our debating skills. Resolution is not the key, it is victory.

We can rely on our selfishness. As long as my way is the winner in the end, the means are justified and don’t much matter.

But most dangerously, we can rely on peace. If we just allow peace to be the governing body in our home, we’re a happy and “godly” family.

What happened to the gospel? And what has happened that has caused us to credit its fruit these lesser gods?

The gospel is the great leveler. It makes all other things, without exception, secondary. The joy we may experience in marriage is not because of our skill or our gifting…it is because of the gospel. The victories we’ve experienced over trials are not because of our fortitude, but because of the gospel.

Charles Spurgeon once said:

If there is anything that is a miniature picture of heaven upon earth, it is a pair of Christians happily united, whose children grow up in the fear of the Lord, and render to them increased comfort and joy every day. Oh, how much some of us owe to the gospel for the happiness of our homes!

And so, today, no practical tips will be given for marriage. They have their place, but not here today. Today, we turn our attention to gratitude. Sincere thanks for the fruit of the gospel in our marriages. For the fact that we have a spouse. For the fact that our spouse would even have us in marriage. And for the fact that a holy God, in an immeasurable act of condescension, would choose to reflect His glory in such a flawed example as our marriage. Truly and only God could do that. How glorious to belong to our spouse…and to our God who gives the unceasing, fruit-bearing gospel.

Posted by Rob Flood

Everyday in our home, Gina is called to the same task, multiple times. She is called to respond out of mercy and not out of revenge. She is called to live with this sinning husband and look favorably upon him, loving him despite the sin she sees. She is called to have mercy in marriage…and mercy for marriage.

The word “mercy” is defined as follows: compassionate or kindly forbearance shown toward an offender, an enemy, or other person in one's power.

Note the ingredients required for mercy. First, there must be an offending person. Someone has to do something wrong. Second, there must be an offended person. This is the person that the offending person offended. Then, the offended person must add the last ingredient of compassion. So the equation looks like this:


We’ve all been the offender, so we’ve got that one covered. Recalling a time when I offended someone, my wife in particular, is not a difficult task.

We’ve all been offended, so we’ve got that one covered, too. Think back to the last time it happened to you. As I think back, I don’t have to go very far for that one either.

Even with the Offender and the Offended in place, however, we do not yet have mercy. Look again at the equation…we’re missing the final ingredient. Now, if the Offended brings the final ingredient of anger, the equation comes out differently.


If the Offended brings the final ingredient of self pity, we have yet another equation:


But, if the Offended brings the final ingredient of compassion, now we’re cooking:


We would do well, as spouses, to consider not how often we’ve received offense but just how often we’ve given offense. And not just offending our spouse, but our God, who has never been the offender and yet has boundless mercy upon us.


As married sinners desiring to extend the mercy of God, how can we grow in mercy? How can we apply to our spouse the mercy we’ve received?


Richard Sibbes, in his book The Bruised Reed, wrote:

It would be a good contest amongst Christians, one to labour to give no offence, and the other to labour to take none. The best men are severe to themselves, tender over others."

So, whether you register for and attend the conference or not, let’s take part in the good contest of laboring to give no offense, laboring to take none, and laboring, finally, to look severely upon our own tendency to offend and tenderly upon others’ tendency to offend.

And, don’t forget to bring the compassion…it is the key ingredient.

Posted by Rob Flood

Every group of people has their own vernacular. Here at CFC, we have “observations” that we share with other and “evidences of grace” that we see in each other. We get “released” from meetings and we don’t just say “thanks.” No, we say “thanks for serving.” Before coming to Covenant Fellowship Church, and to Sovereign Grace Ministries, Gina and I walked in different circles. One common phrase in one of those circles was “meaningful ministry.”

You may ask, how could any ministry lack meaning? This, of course, is a good question, but not what they meant. This term applied to mothers. “Meaningful ministry” is what mothers experienced when they left their home and took part in evangelism or discipleship or Bible study. So, the picture was that a mom with young children would have to leave her home, and her children, to go take part in “meaningful ministry.”

I understand where that comes from. It can be far less fulfilling changing diapers or cleaning up the living room floor (for the seventh time) than it does leading someone to Christ or counseling a troubled sister. There is a temptation to see that type of ministry as meaningful and the “home” orientation of a mother’s life as mundane. Or, perhaps, the constancy of home life seems dull compared to the fulfillment that awaits participating in the workforce.

There is nothing quite like an eternal perspective to fix the sorrows or challenges of today. To that end, consider these words from Samuel Rutherford:

How soon will some few years pass away, and then when the day is ended, and this life’s lease expires, what have men of the world’s glory, but dreams and thoughts? O happy soul for evermore, who can rightly compare this life with that long-lasting life to come, and can balance the weighty glory of the one with the light golden vanity of the other.


A time is coming when the golden vanity of this life will pass and we take only the eternal into the life to come. The eyes experience clarity when gazing at what is truly of value as “life’s lease expires.” In that moment, the mundane rigors of home life glisten brightly. Each task done, each nose wiped, each diaper changed, each correction and each discussion serve as bricks. When assembled, they form the lives of our children…the one truly eternal possession we’ve been charged with.

When we lose sight of eternity, the loud, shrill voices of daily urgencies drown eternal perspective…and our faith for it. But, when we view our children as possessers of eternal souls, the weighty glory of the long-lasting life serves as ample motivation for each brick.

According to Samuel Rutherford, the soul that can rightly understand this life compared to that one…this temporal glory compared to that eternal, weighty one…will be a happy soul. And that mother, up to her eye balls in mundane bricks, will find herself surrounded my meaningful ministry…greatly meaningful indeed.

Posted by Rob Flood

Meet Justin and Paula. They’ve been married for nearly 15 years, most of which have been wonderful years. Recently, though, conflict has been the order of the day. Not war-to-end-all-wars conflict. Just little skirmishes here or there over this small thing or that. Right now, as you read this, they are at the end of another conflict. Paula is in the privileged position of being right…there is no doubt left for either of them that Justin is wrong.

As they go back to their neutral corners (Justin to the TV room and Paula to the bedroom), they both realize that they don’t feel any better now than when the whole thing started. Justin’s not supposed to feel better…he was proven wrong. But Paula won the fight…the joy of vindication and accomplishment is quickly fading and she’s feeling unsettled again…as usual.

Why does Paula still feel hollow and Justin still feel defeated?

Might I suggest an answer? Could it be they’re competing for the wrong prize and, to their own detriment, actually winning it?

You see, Justin and Paula, in their recent history of combat, have been fighting to determine who is right and who is wrong. And the winner is the one with the high ground of the facts being on their side…the right one. But the prize never makes good on the promises it makes.

Determining who is right and who is wrong will never resolve marital conflict. Let me repeat that. Determining who is right and who is wrong will never resolve marital conflict. You see, in order to “win” the chronic fight that they are engaged in, they must turn away from each other and then turn on each other. They have to set themselves up against each other and then attack each other. Someone must “win” and someone must “lose,” and that is no “win” at all.

Think of it another way. We were once embattled against God. Who had the moral high ground? Who had the facts on their side? Well, that would be God. But that didn’t resolve the problem…it WAS the problem. The enmity between us was resolved only by a cross. It was resolved by love and by mercy. It was resolved out of grace. This is what Justin and Paula need.

They need motivations that are for the betterment of the other. They need to be willing to be wronged and love anyway. They need to be willing to be right, but not make that the main issue. If there is enmity between them, resolving the enmity is the goal…not proving who is right or wrong.

It’s not that the facts don’t matter, but they only matter in the greater context of the right prize…the prize of holy oneness. When oneness is the goal of a marriage, suddenly turning on each other is folly…not a strategy. It is destructive…not victorious.

When Justin and Paula understand the need for the cross to have its effect on their marriage, their warfare will be transformed. They will no longer be fighting against each other, but alongside each other after the proper goal of oneness.

And, by the way, the cross will have the same effect in your marriage, too. That’s what the cross does…it destroys enmity and replaces it with grace.

By Marty Machowski

The cost of discipling your growing children can be staggering especially if you have six! Breakfast with your teenage son - $18 - remember how much he eats! Even if you drop down to McDonalds, doing that once a month will cost you $120 a year. Multiply that by four, (I have four older children) and you are spending $480 on breakfast discipleship meetings. Add in four “getaways” with your daughters per year. With four daughters, that adds another $320. Then, with mom spending some time with the boys, again that will likely involve food and before you know it your breaching $1000 a year!

About a year ago Lois and I decided to increase the amount of time we spent training our children one on one. As we talked about all the different meetings we thought would be helpful my budget calculator began to churn out the above numbers. I knew the cost of going out was too high yet the privacy and atmosphere of a restaurant table seemed to aid us in our discussions and take us away from the day to day distractions of our home.

What we needed, I thought, was a restaurant table in our home! Yes, that was it, we would put a restaurant table in our house! But the location would need to be private, quiet, and special. After some discussion Lois and I decided to put a table in our bedroom. How’s that work?


First, I had to say goodbye to my big wooden desk. Then, to make this whole project affordable, I searched eBay and found a used kitchen table and chairs for about $100 dollars. I repainted the corner of the room and, instantly, our in-house restaurant booth was born.

Since our children are not normally in our room, meeting there seems different and special to them. We chose a western theme for the area and began taking turns with the children on dates, looking for items to decorate our special place. Since we got our decorations and the table from eBay, we decided to name our in home restaurant the eBay Café. Lois and I have breakfasts with the children there. We have special evening dates with them.

We still have the option of taking our children out. But the pursuit of regular discipleship of our kids is no longer hindered by the cost of the restaurant tab.