By Andy Farmer

Editor’s Note: The following is a testimony from Christy Ware, who was a team leader at Youth Camp. Christy is a teacher and coach at Delaware County Christian School. She knows teens and she knows camps.

I wanted to attend Youth Camp in order to serve the body I have grown to love, and to get to know others in the church. My plans seemed simple, but God did much more than I could imagine.

I had the privilege of serving the Black Team with Nathan Lee and Kelsey Farmer - two past honor campers. Apparently they were stacking our deck, because I’m a “newbie” and need lots of help. The campers of the Black Team were excited, some tentative at first. As the week went along, we started to care for each other so deeply. Our discussion times were real and personal, and once again reminded me that while I might be a few years ahead, my struggles are so similar to my younger brothers and sisters. This was evident as I watched the students minister to each other, not only during ministry time on Friday night but almost more importantly, during meals and competition and simple walks down the path. This is the next generation – what beautiful anticipation – not just of what God has in store for their lives in the distant future, but in their families, schools and friendships NOW!

Jared said that the happiness of the church is bound up in the youth. Covenant loves its youth. They serve them. The pastors love to come and pour into them. I was so impressed that a guest speaker didn’t deliver the messages, but our pastors. The gospel wasn’t watered down. No, it was amplified message after message. The true gospel, not emotionalism.

Besides the deep encouragement received through observing the passion of the youth and the church leadership to shepherd them, I personally was challenged to decrease and to allow Christ to increase.

This is the testimony of team leader Jason Stowell

One thing that really stuck out to me, and is something that always sticks out to me about Covenant Fellowship, is the love for Christ that the youth have. It is something that I just haven't been a part of outside of this church. I was also affected by the care that I saw in the other team leaders. I left camp thinking "I want these kids to love Jesus as much as some of these leaders do". I felt very encouraged as well as challenged by the heart for our youth that I saw come out on the fields, in the team leader meetings, and during times of ministry.

The last night the Spirit of God really met us. I loved how that Friday night was, in most ways, just like every other meeting we had that week. There wasn't any special effort made to purposefully work up the kids emotions in order that there might be a response. The way that it was executed seemed to be just like all other times we gather to praise God and hear from His Word... but the fruits of that night were unique and powerful. As soon as the message was over, one of the very first kids that went forward was a kid that didn't want to even go to camp in the first place and almost didn't. He was followed by almost the whole camp. A lot of them went forward to pray for and encourage those who went up first, but even that was wonderful to see. The openness and desire for the work of God in their hearts that night was powerful. That night, in our cabin discussions, the two kids that hadn't hardly spoken a word all week during group talks were the ones that were speaking the most about the conviction taking place in their own hearts and their fresh desire to live in obedience to Christ in specific ways. One of the guys broke into song near the end of the meeting. That was a sweet time.

It just seems so obvious to me that over the years, as the Gospel has been faithfully preached in this church, that God has blessed our church. The truths of God's Word run deep in the hearts of the older and younger generation, and the fruits of that were evident at camp this year (as last year). Both years that I have lead at youth camp I have left feeling grateful that I got to be a part of God's continual goodness to our church. To be a part of a camp where the Gospel is preached, ministry is happening, the Spirit is at work, love is abiding in God's people is just such a privilege. It is one that I often take for granted, but it wasn't something that I took for granted after camp. It was so good to be reminded of God's faithfulness yet again.

By Jonathan Doyle

This week we are celebrating God’s work in our teens. Today we’re sharing the testimony of one of our young men who was baptized on Sunday.


I was born in Santa Cruz, Bolivia, and from about one month old I lived without parents in an orphanage in Cochabamba. I was very sick in the orphanage and spent a lot of time in the hospital alone following surgery on my right lung. I was in and out of the hospital many times until I was adopted by my parents at three and one half years old. In the world outside the orphanage, everything was new and scary: dogs, riding in cars, bumpy roads, hand dryers in bathrooms, even ice cream because I had never tasted anything cold before. But I loved my new family and their care and kindness to me.

My family loves the Lord and taught me about the Bible and God’s love for me through Jesus sacrifice on the cross. Every Sunday my family took me to church and I was involved in Children’s Ministry. When I was around eleven years old I had a conversation with my dad that changed my life. He showed me that I was walking in darkness by hiding my sin, but that when I confess my sins I step into the light and open my heart to God’s saving work. That same year while I was attending Youth Camp with my family (I wasn’t a camper yet!), God touched me during one of the messages and I responded during the ministry time. I was crying, and in seeing the depth of my sin I was beginning to understand the fullness of what God had done for me.

I don’t remember exactly when I became a Christian, but I know that Jesus took my place on the cross and died for me that I might live for him. When I was little I didn’t have a father. Now I have two fathers and two homes. I have an earthly father and home, and I have a heavenly father and an eternal home.

Now when I go to church I love to worship and pray and listen to God’s word preached. I am noticing an increased conviction about sin in my life and an increased love for God. I am more determined to meet with God each day. I still battle fear and doubt sometimes, but I use scripture to focus my heart and mind on the Truth. My relationship with my little sister is improving because I get convicted when I tease her or am mean to her and am able to ask for her forgiveness. I still have trouble with my lungs, but God is helping me to trust him for my life and future. I want to spread the Gospel and serve God every day of my life.

By Andy Farmer

The Lord has always been faithful to visit our teens at Youth Camp. Many of our adult members are able to point back to a particular message, or moment, or interaction at a Youth Camp and say, ‘that’s where the Lord got my attention’.

This year was no different. In fact, it appears that there was an unusual outpouring of the Spirit on the youth throughout the week, but particularly on Friday night following Jared’s message. Upwards of 30 kids responded to the gospel for the first time or to recommit their lives to Christ. And many others who came up to pray for those teens were swept up in what the Spirit of God was doing and also affected. Many would have said they came into Youth Camp indifferent to the things of God were met in powerful ways.

As parents we can face a wonderful but perplexing dilemma in caring for our kids after an event like Youth Camp. We rejoice to see remarkable immediate changes in our kids and their perspective of God. But we don’t want to trust in the emotional response in a situation that is so unlike where they live day in and day out. Only God can ultimately establish a genuine work of the Spirit in a person. As parents we have been given responsibility by Him to wisely discern and shepherd our children’s hearts – and the grace to serve our children in this important ‘training up of our children in the way they should go’. (Prov. 22:6)

The following are some suggestions for how you as a parent can shepherd the activity of the Spirit that may have occurred in your teen’s life at Youth Camp. To keep things simple, they are going to flow along with the Camp them of ALIVE.

Accept that Youth Camp experiences are not typical experiences. But that doesn’t mean they aren’t authentic experiences. Rejoice that anything ‘more of Jesus and less of me’ is God at work. Never despise small beginnings. Emotions may fade, but every time our teens see their teammates, or sing songs from camp or look at pictures they will be reminded of what God did for them. At the same time don’t cast doubt upon your teens experience simply because you see them struggle in a familiar sin pattern. How many of us have been struggling for years with the same familiar sins.

Look for themes. Look for themes in the preaching that resonated with them and help them focus more in those areas. Look for themes in your teen’s experience that can connect with their lives before and after youth camp. For example, your teens might have been struggling with how they are viewed by others before camp – is there any experience they had where the Lord dealt with that struggle?

Invest in God’s agenda that was highlighted at youth camp. As parents we tend to have our own agendas for where our teens need to grow and change – more focus on studies; a better attitude at home, more diligent in responsibilities, better choices among friends, etc. These are all good to pursue. But Youth Camp is a good time to examine parental agendas. We can trust God that if we are investing in his agenda, then our agendas will take care of themselves. Consider reviewing the youthcamp messages in the months to come. Hearing the messages a second time can remind our teens of how God’s Word spoke to their heart and keep their resolve to follow the Lord strong.  http://www.covfel.org/pages/page.asp?page_id=51731

Value the stubborn grace of God. If the experience of youth camp seems to become a distant memory to your teen in the weeks and months to come, God isn’t frustrated that he gave it his best shot and it didn’t take. Be careful not to say things like, ‘what happened to you, you were so different after Youth Camp’! Youth Camp and real life are a lot different. The creature comforts are far superior at home; the distractions of the world are far worse. If your child went to Youth Camp the Lord is able to water the seeds planted there and bring them to full fruit. Remember their team leaders – most of them were where your teen is at one time, and the Lord has done incredible things with them.

Encourage your teen to some practical steps in response to what God did. A commitment to attend Cross Culture monthly meetings with you would be a great place to start. For your 9th -12th grade students, consider plugging into your Cross Culture small group again. Perhaps the Bridge is a good next step for them. Certainly helping them develop regular devotions is good. You may also need to help them think of something to turn away from – maybe in media or social networking. You don’t want to overdo changes – small steps in key areas can make a big difference.

Above all, rejoice that God visited your teen in Youth Camp! It was real, and it will matter.

By Uchenna Osegbu

This week we are celebrating God’s work in our teens.  Today we’re sharing the testimony of one of our young women who was baptized on Sunday.

Like most people in the church, I was born in a Christian home.  My mom, who is the godliest person I have ever known, stressed how important God was and how much I and my siblings needed him in our lives.  However, as I got older, God became less and less important to me.  It seemed like Christianity was only for adults, and I thought that my childhood was the time to have fun and do whatever I wanted, regardless of the spiritual consequences.  In my mind, God would only restrain me and ruin my fun, and I didn’t want that.  God was in no way a part of my life (unless I wanted something), and, at the time, that was okay with me.

Not only did I not know of God and His everlasting mercies, I didn’t want to know.  I never prayed, my Bible went untouched, and I tried to avoid everything and everyone having to do with the church at all costs.  I thought that my worldly “friends” were all that I needed and that if God really loved me, He would let me have my fun and live for me, and then just forgive me later for whatever I did wrong.  I thought that I was invincible and that I didn’t need God; little did I know that God had a plan call “Operation Takeover” for my life.

As freshman year at a new school began, so did one of the hardest years of my life.  I knew that I wasn’t happy and that something was missing from my life, and though deep inside I knew what it was, it took me a long time to admit to myself that it was God.  When I finally did, I knew that I wanted Him in my life and I wanted to live for Him.  The problem was, I didn’t know how.  I tried over and over to let Him into my heart, but it never felt real, and soon after, I would fall back into my old routine.  I was sad and frustrated because it seemed like God was denying me and didn’t want me.  But on August 15, 2008, at Youth Camp 08, the Lord pursued me, and I truly gave my life to Him.  I haven’t gone back since.

For the past two years of my life, God has been waging war on my sinful nature.  Each and every battle was a terrible struggle between my sin and God’s love that I could have never fought on my own, but in His infinite mercy, God gave me the strength and wisdom to fight through each of the devil’s snares.  He comforted me in times of deep pain, and when my sins brought me to my knees, He lifted me up again.  Even when I strayed on my own (which happened more times than I can count), God would show me my sin and accept me back with open arms.  I have no idea where I would be if it wasn’t for the love and sacrifice of my Savior Jesus, who died on the cross and rose again to save sinners like me, but I do know that because God chose me to receive the blessing of His son’s sacrifice, I, an undeserving wretch and sinner, now have the privilege of spending my life and all of eternity with Jesus and living in His loving kindness and care.

By Jared Mellinger

This week’s blogs will run with themes from Youth Camp 2010 which just concluded this past Saturday. Over 150 teens plus their parents and some of our very best single men and women (serving magnificently as team leaders) met God together at Camp Ladore in northeastern PA. Yesterday we dedicated our Sunday morning service to celebrating God’s work among the youth in our church.

For our Youth Camp blogs I’ve chosen to start the week with a poem written by Na’Chelle Morris, which she read to everyone right before I spoke on Friday night. The creative and theologically rich words below stir my heart to worship and to gratefulness to God for bringing the life transforming power of the Gospel into the lives of the young men and women of our church. Thank you Na’Chelle for blessing us with your gift Friday night, and again through this blog!

Here I stand, Blind with pride
Trying to be the Judge, When I (myself) deserve to be judged
I spat at people - Scoffed and mocked
Thought I was the best - The cleanest - The greatest
Then I encountered a Man
So white and pure - Perfect and holy
Flawless

The Man looked at me sympathetically and said, “Surely you are blind and in need!
Let me help you, - Show you how you truly are!”

He gave me this mirror in the shape of a book
The Holy Bible was its title
I looked in the mirror and saw - myself
I saw that I was lost - Lost and blind in pride
For it was covering my eyes - Holding me back
Keeping me from the truth
I saw that I had shackles - I was bound to big weights
sinking in my sin - Sin from past to present day
I starting drowning – I tried to swim
But all the weight kept me from going up
Even if I did go up a little, Something else would pull me back down
I saw that it was - want 

I put down the book and contemplated what I had seen
Then I realized - I saw myself the way I truly am
Dirty – Lazy – Imperfect - Sinful
Then I knew
I had no other choice - The only way to get out
Was to admit my pride - Admit I needed help
Admit everything
Then I cried out to God

“Oh Lord! - Undo the grips of my pride!
Save me Lord!
For pride is killing me
Flesh is holding me - Covering me
Keeping me from You!”

Then I saw the Man - Clothed in white
Holy and pure - Perfect and humble
To take my place
Gripped - By my pride
Drowned - In my sin
Torn - By my wants
Soiled - By my flesh
Now He’s crying, “Save me Lord!”

Then His blood was shed
Covering
Crushing
Destroying
All that held me and Him

And He said to me,
“I have cleansed you, - none can bind you,
No one can put shackles on you,
You are forever free!

In awe I hugged Him
Thanked Him - Kissed Him
But something still bugged me - Bothered me
In the back of my mind
“Why for me?”
He said, “Because I love you.”
I asked the Man the same question
But again I heard, “Because I love you!”

I see now - It’s a mystery how much You love me
My God! - My God! - Thank You for loving me!
Now I stand - Saved - Saved by grace - Love
And mercy!

By Chris Radano

Editor’s note: Chris is getting married in two days. This is the last blog we’ll post from him as a single man. Looking forward to what inspires him in marriage. Congratulations Chris!


March,1996, my bag was packed, the minivan loaded up, and the luggage secured amidst the bitter cold wind of the Pennsylvania winter. The only motivation to drag me out of a warm college dormitory was the anticipation of beaches, parties, and a scorching Florida sun. Yep, I was one of many college students off to Florida looking forward to the “traditional” college spring break experience. Now nearly a decade and a half removed from college, I found myself looking forward to a completely different spring break experience: a week spent in New Orleans with the college age ministry students of Covenant Fellowship Church to serve another Sovereign Grace Church, Lakeview Christian Center. For a week we would be doing servant outreach projects to the community in New Orleans, through yard work, distribution of Alpha fliers, and evangelism to the homeless. This is the kind of spring break that wouldn’t have even been in my periphery back in my younger days. The reflection of my college years led me to ponder a few things on a deeper, spiritual level.

First, it was a reminder of the change in my life orchestrated by the Holy Spirit in bringing repentance and transforming grace, and the sacrifice of Christ making this possible. This is no small reflection, and I don’t intend to downplay its significance. In fact, I am happily reminded of this change often. However, another interesting but less intuitive benefit of my reflection was how it provoked me to ponder the role of families in telling the gospel to the next generation. Perhaps, not an obvious direction, allow me to explain how I got there....

Being aware that many of the students with whom I spent the week in New Orleans in service spent their years growing up in church, fourteen years ago would probably place them in the first or second grade. I thought of how these students as children were introduced to the gospel, Bible stories in Sunday school and home, talking about Jesus, and (maybe!) even recipients of godly discipline. Regardless of whether or not they received Christ as Savior in those years, parents were faithful to their call and role in training their children in the ways of the Lord. Proverbs 22:6 reads “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” Now, those same children are men and women leading worship, sharing words of encouragement, praying with passion for one another, and telling homeless people about Jesus. They are grown up, serving the Lord in ways perhaps their parents could only have hoped to imagine. To me, (and I hope to parents) this was another one of those living, breathing reminders of how God uniquely uses parents’ labor in teaching their children the gospel, to produce the fruit of selfless, God-glorifying service for the Kingdom of God.

The exercise of reminiscing on my college years started as a humorous reminder of my comparative age, but ended giving me a new appreciation of the fruit of telling the gospel to the next generation and the role of parents in accomplishing this.

By Rob Flood

 

Editors Note: On Saturday, April 17^th, Andy Farmer gave an excellent message to our teens on the role of the Holy Spirit in sanctification.  (Listen to the whole message here.)  Following Andy’s message, there was an Extra Point for the parents.  The following blog comes from that Extra Point. (You can listen to the whole Extra Point here.)

 

In order for us to be born again, we must be “acted upon” by God.  We face the giant opponent of sin and it is too great and too strong for us to attain victory on our own.  We need help from the outside…we need to be acted upon by the grace and mercy of God.

 

Too often, we can agree with our need to be acted upon in our salvation, leaving our sanctification to our own efforts.  And we can fall victim to the fallacy that parenting is something different from sanctification.  However, a short pensive moment will illumine our error.  There are fewer things that will further our sanctification more than parenting. 

 

So, in our sanctification…in our parenting…we need to be acted upon from the outside.  We need the grace and mercy of God to act upon us for our success.  Much like our battle with sin, we are not adequately equipped for the battle in our souls that parenting lays before us.  Yet, in our isolated pride, we often close the door to the main path of grace and mercy that God desires to use: others.

 

In parenting, God takes us to the precipice of what we can do on our own…and then He orchestrates circumstances that push us over the precipice into a free fall.  I have found that is a decent explanation of parenting:  quickly approaching the precipice of what I can do on my own and then, daily, being pushed into a free fall by the circumstances presented to me.

 

So, what is God up to by inflicting that type of pain on us as parents so frequently?  He is positioning us to be acted upon from the outside.

 

SPOUSE

Perhaps the outside is our spouse.  As our children get older, I’ve become more aware at how much I rely upon my wife’s help with my heart and with help in what to do.  She has articulated the same to me.  In the last year, I’ve received more calls at work to help her with parenting than I’ve received in all the prior years combined.  Why?

 

First, our kids are getting older and their issues are more nuanced and our clarity is more elusive.  But second, and perhaps more importantly, we are recognizing more and more our need to be acted upon from the outside.  We seem to be up to the task of parenting less and less and in need of being acted upon by each other more and more.

 

So, here’s a couple of questions as it relates to your spouse:

1. Do you see them more as a help in your parenting or do you see them more as a critic to your parenting?
2. Do you attempt to be a help in your spouse’s parenting or do you attempt to be a critic of their parenting?
3. Where do parenting conversations normally go: to unity or to conflict?
   1. The answer to that question may help you to answer the previous questions.

 

But being acted upon from the outside could go beyond our spouse…

 

COMMUNITY

In our need for help, sometimes both of you are in equal need.  Remember, in this Christ centered view of sanctification, we do not have what it takes and need his grace.  And his grace often comes through others.

 

But do others know where you are struggling?  Do they know that your toes are hanging over the edge? Do they know that you are in a free fall?  If they don’t know…how will they be able to help?  In our pride, we hate to admit that we don’t have what it takes to parent our children.  We hate to admit that parenting circumstances have gotten the best of us and are beating us.  Why?

 

It is the humility that comes from conviction of sin that qualifies us for saving grace.  Before being born again, at some point, we have to see that sin is too big a foe and that we are too weak an opponent.  We have to admit that we don’t have what it takes and that we need help from the outside.

 

So, I have some questions for you in this, too:

1. Are there areas of your parenting that you are unwilling to share with people outside your family?  If so…why?
2. When was the last time you willingly brought someone into a parenting struggle you’re having?
3. When was the last time you offered help to someone you know is going through a difficult season of parenting?

 

CONCLUSION

We are in desperate need to be acted upon by the God of mercy,  the Spirit of renewal, the richly generous Jesus Christ.  And, too often, the only thing standing in between us and the thaw is our own pride of wanting to be utterly and totally sufficient in our parenting.  Together, as a church family, let’s embrace the reality of the precipice staring us right in the face…and let’s open up our lives and our hearts to receive help from the outside.

By Rob Flood

Having children is a wonderful blessing.  Wonderful.  However, it is also a challenging blessing.  Challenging.  We have a tendency to think it’s hard because of them, but sometimes the most difficult part of parenting is dealing with the side of us that we see and have to deal with.

We can often vacillate between not caring what they think of us to caring too much about what they think of us.  This is not a light-hearted matter, but sometimes laughing at some very serious things is a bit of food for the soul.

Which draws my attention to a fun blog I read recently.  The middle of the blog reads like this:

After finding alcohol in her son's car [Jane] decided to sell the car and share her 19-year-old son's misdeeds with everyone by placing an ad in the local newspaper. Her ad and the story it created made its way to the Associated Press where it was reported widely.

The ad reads:

OLDS 1999 car for sale. Totally uncool parents who obviously don't love teenage son, selling his car. Only driven for three weeks before snoopy mom who needs to get a life found booze under front seat. Call meanest mom on the planet.

The 48-year-old mom says she has fielded more than 70 calls from emergency room technicians, nurses, school counselors, and others all who wanted to congratulate her. "It's overwhelming the number of calls I've gotten from people saying, 'Thank you, it's nice to see a responsible parent.' So far there are no calls from anyone saying, 'You are really strict, lady.'"

Now, don’t take this as parenting advice.  Publishing your child’s misdeeds may not always be the best course of action.  However, do take this as encouragement.  Moms and dads make difficult and unpopular decisions daily.  And, if the judgment of our child’s happiness were our jury, we’d be guilty every time.  There is another arbiter, though.  

He is the one who has called us to this task and He is the one to whom we all must answer…for our parenting and for our lives.  

So, for all of the “totally uncool parents” among us…keep up the good work!

The cited blog, in its entirety, can be found here.

By Andy Farmer

 

This past Saturday Jared spoke at our Cross Culture youth meeting on ‘Making Much of the Fifth.’ (Listen here) It was a great message exhorting the teens to see the grace contained in the Fifth commandment to honor parents found in Deut. 5:16.  He derives his message title from a quote by Thomas Watson,

 

“He in whose heart godliness lives makes as much conscience of the fifth commandment as of the first.”  (Thomas Watson) 

 

In our Extra Point for parent’s application, we looked at a parent’s responsibility in helping children “make much of the Fifth.” Extra point here. In his letter to the Colossians (mirroring his instructions to the Ephesians), Paul calls children to honor their parents followed by this call to fathers (and mothers):

 

Do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged (Col. 3:21). 

 

We recognized that there is an operating assumption that our kids want to honor us.  Nothing shames a kid more than a parent whom he or she doesn’t think is honorable.  Your kids want to obey the Fifth because they love you.  And they want to obey the Fifth because they are learning to love God. 

 

In response to Jared’s message to the teens, here are Five Ways to Fuel a Fruitful Fifth in your Family

 

1.      Be united in your parenting approach.  In a home where parents are at odds over how to raise kids, things tend to break down into a debate over which parent is more right.  In a united home, the issue is not which parent is right.  It is whether the parents’ position aligns with God’s position.  Where this happens, there is clarity of care and leadership.  If the teen is struggling with parental decisions, he or she can make appeals, knowing that neither parent’s strong opinion will necessarily rule the matter. 

 

Being united may be more important in the long term than being right in every situation.  It’s easy to feel right and argue for it.  It’s hard to be united.  To be united takes listening; it takes humility.  It takes self-assessment.  It takes realizing that we’re wrong sometimes.  Believe it or not, you don’t always have to be right to earn your teen’s honor. 

 

2.      Leave room for emerging personality in your teen

 

One of the hard things to discern in parenting is whether a teen is fighting your authority or expressing personality.  Often it’s a mixture, but if we always treat our kids’ tendency to be independent as rebellion we’ll miss opportunities to help guide them into healthy individuality.  To cultivate honor in our teens we need to learn the art of wise guidance of who they are becoming and not seek to mold them into a pre-determined idea of what they should be.

 

3.      Be watchful of fear and frustration in your parenting

 

We portray in our words and actions the size of God and the character of God.  If we are parenting in fear we teach them that God isn’t really able to take care of his children.  If we parent in frustration we teach our kids that God is doesn’t have any room in his plan for our failure.  Besides prayer, the most important thing parents of teens can do is help each other guard their hearts.  If we see spouse falling into anger or fear patterns in relating to our teens we can help them retain an apprehension of the Gospel for themselves, so that grace is imparted to our teens. 

 

4.      Learn to be a voice in your teen’s life

 

Are we a mouth or a voice to our teens?  A mouth is always jabbering, always commenting, always opining.  A mouth always assumes the best way to handle things is through words – and the more the better.   

 

A voice is concerned with what it says and how it is heard.  A voice doesn’t want to just say things; it wants to make a difference.  Voices love to ask questions, help make sense, fill in meaning.  A voice realizes that sometimes direct confrontational words are necessary for the situation and that stating something to arrest behavior or address attitudes is the right approach.  But the voice never wants to be turned into a mouth.  Teens filter out mouths.  They open up to voices.  Let’s be a voice.

 

5.      Parent as if the teen years are transformation, not trial.

 

As we move through the teen years, it can be tempting to think that the ‘best years’ of parenting are behind us.  We can look back to those first steps, the first words, the adorable adulation that our kids showered upon us, and think that raising teens is the beginning of the end of family.  They seem to need us less, even want us less.  Home becomes the base of operations; the greatest need our teens seem to have is for food, transport, and communication with the outside world.  At times, parenting teens can seem like a trial. 

 

But it’s good to remind ourselves that the teen years are not about family ending, but about family maturing.  We’re all maturing – together.  For me as a parent, I realize that I can’t become what I’m meant to be without the process of my teen becoming what he or she is meant to be.  Our lives are forever linked in God’s plan.  I need the teenage years as much as my teen does.  As he or she matures, so will I; that’s how our amazing God works in families.  And we are all meant to look back at these years and see how they were truly formative for future generations of our family together.    

By Rob Flood

 

Recently, one of my children was skimming the top of a pool with a skimmer.  The pole must have been about 10 feet long.  While having his concentration fully engaged on the pool, he was oblivious to the long stretch of pole behind him.  With no malicious or pre-meditated intent, he nearly knocked two children into the pool.  Thankfully, no one got pushed in.

 

But it did make me think of the damage we can cause when we are reckless or careless…even unintentionally.  A recent study[1] done at Simmons College in Boston tracked the wide-reaching affects that conflict has on children who witness it.

 

Researchers found that adolescents who reported increased family arguments at age 15 had an increased risk of major depression, alcohol abuse/dependence, drug dependence and antisocial behaviors at age 30, compared with peers who didn’t report more family arguments. And those with more family strife had twice the risk for being unemployed as adults.

 

Those who reported exposure to family violence by age 18 were significantly more likely than peers to have a mental disorder, drug or alcohol abuse or dependence, lower self-esteem, and lower overall life satisfaction at age 30.

 

We can sometimes fool ourselves into thinking that our conflict only impacts those we aim it at.  But selfishness and anger, which lie at the root of our conflict, are not instruments of precision.  They are not highly accurate rifles.  Conflict functions much more like a hand grenade. 

 

When we throw it at our opponent, our enemy, shrapnel flies in every direction often inflicting pain and damage on unintended targets.  And, too often, those are our children.

 

Yet our conviction and sorrow over the damage we cause our children don’t often cause us to adjust the problem.  Many times, we work hard to exchange our grenades for precision instruments of anger.  This is not the answer.  What are we to do is our conflict is hurting those around us?  …work at peace.

 

We might declare that we are not the cause of the conflict.  We are simply married to someone who fights with us all the time.  Maybe we think it is the fault of our contentious teen.  Well…maybe.  But Romans 12:18 removes the blame game altogether.

 

 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.

 

If there is no other channel, be the channel of God’s grace into your home.  Allow the young standers-by to observe and experience grace as they see it in you.  Don’t pull the pin on the anger grenade.  Lay down the sniper’s rifle. 

 

Not only will this have a profound impact on your own joy. …not only will this impact your marriage.  But this will also have an immeasurable impact on your children…now and into their future.

 

 

By Ramona Doyle

My husband and I have five children, and though our oldest daughter is now married, we’ve realized that we are still a long way from the proverbial “empty nest.” Those children remaining at home range in age from twenty all the way down to nine. Looking back, we have such fond memories of all the fun times we’ve shared, but looking ahead we take note that we have many more active years of parenting.

 

Now if your family is anything like ours, child #1 received hours of attention, and participated in everything from story hour at the library to baby swimming lessons and preschool music programs. When child #2 arrived, Mom and Dad’s time was a little more stretched, and the lessons and activities were divided between the kids. Then there was child # 3 …What was his name again? Oh yes, that was the one who taught himself to walk. J Obviously, I’m being a bit facetious here, but truth be told, sometimes the younger children can get a little lost in the mix.

 

We want all of our children to grow up to love the Lord and serve the church, so we’ve realized we can’t afford to coast during the second half of our parenting adventure. Because of the make up of our family, what we do may look different than when our older children were young, but it needs to be every bit as intentional. Here are some of the ways we are seeking to finish well with regard to parenting:

 

·        Take time to plan and pray – Once or twice a year my husband sets aside time for us to get away to evaluate the needs of our children and family. We discuss and pray for each child and set goals for the next season. We also evaluate our parenting and seek to make appropriate adjustments.

 

·        Learn from others – We try to be intentional in building relationships with others who are parenting with excellence that we might learn from them and give them a window into our parenting. It has also served us to reread good parenting books and regularly listen to good teachings we’ve collected through the years. How easily we can forget…we need a steady diet of wisdom and truth!

 

·        Don’t forget family devotions – We weren’t always faithful in this area, but as we’ve made this important discipline a priority, we’ve been amazed at how the Lord meets us, how much the kids look forward to it, and how easy it is to do devotions even with a wide range of ages. Some of our most cherished family memories have come from these times.

 

·        Involve all of the children in the life of the family – Having older children to help with the daily grind can make it tempting to leave the younger ones to themselves. And sometimes I would rather just “get done” with a task rather than take time to involve a child. I’ve started inviting my nine year old daughter to make dinner with me each evening. What a wonderful opportunity, not only for her to prepare to one day care for her family, but also to build our relationship and have yet one more context to point her to the Lord.

 

·        Cling to the Lord – We are weak and easily grow weary, but He is a fountain of strength who promises grace for every good work.

 

There is nothing magical these specific things.  They are just practices and reminders that have served us through the years.  Yours may look different…and that’s okay.  The most important thing is that we as parents remember that coasting is not part of our job description…and we need others around us to caution us when we start. 

 

“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)

By Marty Machowski

The cost of discipling your growing children can be staggering especially if you have six! Breakfast with your teenage son - $18 - remember how much he eats! Even if you drop down to McDonalds, doing that once a month will cost you $120 a year. Multiply that by four, (I have four older children) and you are spending $480 on breakfast discipleship meetings. Add in four “getaways” with your daughters per year. With four daughters, that adds another $320. Then, with mom spending some time with the boys, again that will likely involve food and before you know it your breaching $1000 a year!

About a year ago Lois and I decided to increase the amount of time we spent training our children one on one. As we talked about all the different meetings we thought would be helpful my budget calculator began to churn out the above numbers. I knew the cost of going out was too high yet the privacy and atmosphere of a restaurant table seemed to aid us in our discussions and take us away from the day to day distractions of our home.

What we needed, I thought, was a restaurant table in our home! Yes, that was it, we would put a restaurant table in our house! But the location would need to be private, quiet, and special. After some discussion Lois and I decided to put a table in our bedroom. How’s that work?


First, I had to say goodbye to my big wooden desk. Then, to make this whole project affordable, I searched eBay and found a used kitchen table and chairs for about $100 dollars. I repainted the corner of the room and, instantly, our in-house restaurant booth was born.

Since our children are not normally in our room, meeting there seems different and special to them. We chose a western theme for the area and began taking turns with the children on dates, looking for items to decorate our special place. Since we got our decorations and the table from eBay, we decided to name our in home restaurant the eBay Café. Lois and I have breakfasts with the children there. We have special evening dates with them.

We still have the option of taking our children out. But the pursuit of regular discipleship of our kids is no longer hindered by the cost of the restaurant tab.